BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids So I'm a hypocrite, apparently ...

because even though I do not want children, I want to be with a man who has all the qualities I would consider would make a good father. I want a husband who: - is kind and compassionate, stops to think before acting or speaking - has patience with those who are less fortunate or intelligent - makes sure I never feel like I have to shoulder the entire burden of running the household (bills, chores, remodeling jobs, etc) - is able to exercise control over anger - wants to be involved in others' lives, especially mine - is willing to consider something important just because I consider it important, even if he thinks it's the stupidest thing in the world. - takes the time to remember others' pet peeves and avoid them, especially mine Am I wrong to want this kind of person in my life, even if I don't want to have kids?

No you're not. Just because you can be a parent, or he can be a parent, is no reason that you have to be. It's the two people in the relationship who make that decision. Anyone who's not in the relationship has no right to tell you what to do or not do. And you're not a hypocrite just because of that. People seem to forget that all of those qualities also make a good husband, not just a good father.

No you're not. Just because you can be a parent, or he can be a parent, is no reason that you have to be. It's the two people in the relationship who make that decision. Anyone who's not in the relationship has no right to tell you what to do or not do. And you're not a hypocrite just because of that. People seem to forget that all of those qualities also make a good husband, not just a good father.

I had a pretty good dad growing up. He wasn't perfect, but he did his best to make sure that everyone in the family was taken care of. I guess I use my dad as a ballpark estimate of what a good husband should be.

Well, but all those qualities combined are too far-fetched to find in one man. I mean, who is so goody-good and understanding these days?

I don't think it's unrealistic to expect that my partner will be involved in the day-to-day running of the household, refrain from making comments I find offensive, and solve problems without using his anger to bully me around.

I don't think that's unrealistic either. It's not unfair to expect from a life partner all the things you'd be willing to do for or give to them.

I just don't want to hear him comment on the fact that a woman we see while in the store is fat or has a beard. That's not at all polite to say anywhere that the subject of the comment might have the slightest chance of hearing. A child is afforded some leniency when blurting out what's on their mind, but a grown adult should censor their own tongues. I want to be married to someone who cares if I'm driving an unsafe automobile and takes action to fix it, who doesn't make annoying noises after I've said I have a headache, and who puts in at least a token effort into the household chores.

Sad1.....if this is the type of man you are with now then it is time to leave him. It's more than time. You deserve so much better. Move on to a happier life with someone who respects people, especially you.

You are NOT a hypocrite for wanting that! They are out there, but they are scarce....you have to get yourself out there and commit to meeting some new people! I literally, LITERALLY didnt think that ideal man was real until I met my current guy. In my entire life and all through my prior marriage I met plenty of people....but never did I know one man could have so many of the qualities that I hold dear. Up until that point I thought every man came with a ton of strings attached and thats just the way it is. But thankfully I was wrong: I got away from that jackass and have been happy ever since. So keep your head up and dont settle!