BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Rude "friends" should I give another chance?

Hi Misstalia,

I agree with all who have said to cut these 'friends' off, but I think maybe it is stressful for you to have the situation hanging on without a definite resolution?

Rather than wait for them to get the message, could you take the initiative and end the relationship once and for all? Scary, I know, but perhaps better for you in the long run. It could be gently done - maybe next time one of them calls you could say something like 'Although we've known each other a long time, I don't feel we have much in common any more, so I'm going to end things now'.

Easier said than done, for sure, but sometimes at least clean breaks are better all around. Good luck, and congratulations on your new place.

often people don`t like what they are handing out. if you can change the rules. give these friends that little dig first. its like most things people can do..if they can do it, they will. the bully is only a bully because he can. but if it were me I`d just tell them thats not ok with me...stop it. my guess is it will stop, or they will distance themselves from you. [just my thoughts]

Thanks for the input. I don't know that I'd have the nerve to say, "I'm ending things now." I am an honest and up front type. For this situation my honesty was telling them they were rude, of course they fought me saying it was "normal" to ask such questions. Really, is it? Is it also normal to glare at each other everytime I answer. See, the thing is, it's not that I am unforgiving of them. Rather, I feel their behavior shows that they aren't true friends and therefore don't deserve me putting forth any effort.

I know just what you mean when you say they are glaring at each other; people have done that with me too, and it means they can't wait to start b***ching about you behind your back.

If you don't want to cut them off directly, then another tack is to use the 'Oh' and 'No offence' responses. These work, believe me. So if they tell you they think it's normal to ask (rude) questions, you can respond with 'Oh', but don't offer any information. Then if they ask the same question again, you might calmly say 'No offence, but I don't want to discuss that'. Ask your husband to use the same responses, and that should stop them in their tracks.

misstalia: I may have missed it but were these people this rude before? You could invite them over to see the new place, as if nothing has happened, and then if they start asking those crazy questions just ask them why the want to know. I've NEVER had anyone ask me such things and it's definitely not normal. If they can't get away from it, they both have problems. You can invite them, be gracious, don't anwser any rude questions and congratulate yourself on being the adult in this situation. Bonus: you won't have to invite them over again. It will be all done. ;-)

Catluvgal, You know, they haven't really been rude before that. Well, the one has been, but I don't associate with her really. the other hasn't been rude before. the thing is, in spite of doing without NOTHING in their childhoods-adulthood. They both are jealous when others get something...anything good. Anyhow, your advice may be my favorite yet. Of course, it requires me to be confrontational (slightly) if any questions are asked.

Well, I happen to LOVE confrontation of obnoxious people. It's very fun for me but I understand it's not for everyone. :-D

Let us know how it goes, however you choose to handle it!

I will!

I'm not sure of your age, I am 45. I've been through a whole host of cycles and phases thru life: Homes, ex-husband, new husband, friends of all varieties, cars, jobs, career change, lots of things. Many times, I have experienced just what you are talking about and I can tell you, just from my own experience, these people are not worth keeping around. These types talk behind your back, they may see you as spoiled, they're horribly jealous, they would relish any bad news you'd ever share. My position on this, that has worked for me, is to start phasing out the friendship. Start screening your calls and don't return theirs. When they do get hold of you and ask when they'll be invited over, waffle around and say you're really busy and will have to figure out a date. Never get back to them. It doesn't have to be a rude, ugly confrontation. Just a gentle phasing out. After months of this, they'll get the hint. Good luck to you.

Hey, Chrissy Snow, I'm thirty, but I'm glad to know (but sorry also) that you've experienced this type of treatment from "friends", I was wondering if it was only me lol! what you said about seeing me as spoiled is probably true. You know, I have been treated specially by my family, however, as I said, so have these women, sometimes in a larger sense. We all come from an upper-middle class suburb, and Just to give you an example one of them had half of her home paid for and the other received 20k upon graduating high school. I guess what I'm saying is why be so envious when you also come from a family that was loving, able, and willing to do many things to make your life better. My own mother seems to be confused as to whether they were jealous OR that they were looking down on me because I hadn't purchased every last item in our place. Either way, I keep going back to feeling like I do not want to associate, but then thinking maybe one more chance.