BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Need to talk to someone...alone and scared

Getting out is never easy for any of us. But once you start the process its not that bad. First Change your number or atleast block him Pack up his things, put them at the door call the police station and let them know your situation and you feel he might get abusive once you ask him to leave. Set a time with both him and office to come. The police will escort him off and on property once he has gotten his things and left file a restraining order. The reason for the change number is so he cant bother you once he leaves and weaken your choice for him to leave. From your post it shows you are not happy and he offers nothing but misery there really is no point to drang this on. Find someone that will treat you like a lady. Good luck and be safe

Lux, when I first started posting on my abusive relationship,everyone said the same things - leave now,call the police, he might kill you, etc. This is all true. But no matter how many people told me this, I would always go back. If for some reason you do stay, which I'm hoping u don't, do not ever let him know where your friends and family live. Because when threatening and humiliating you stops working, he will threaten them next. Listen to your inner voice. You are strong.

I went online and found this. The author's name is Lundy Bancroft and she wrote a book on the types of abusers. One of the types of abusers is "Mr. Sensitive" and this describes my ex to a T. Mr. Sensitive: Is soft spoken, gentle and very supportive when he's not being abusive. (this made me think he could never be abusive and I was imagining things) Has no problems expressing his insecurities, emotional injuries and fears. (he would cry and have no trouble displaying his emotional side and i thought all abusers were the opposite) Presents himself to women as an ally. To some women, he seems to be a dream come true. (He used to tell me what a nice guy he was and every one at his work especially the women all agreed. if i didnt see his niceness then there is something wrong with me.) Seems to get his feelings hurt by his partner on a regular basis. (all the damn time!!!! I was walking on eggshells) He expects his partner to be constantly focused on his emotional needs and injuries. (my feelings dont even matter) Disregards his partners feelings because his are more important. Believes that there is nothing more important than his feelings. Often reads self-help books and will attend men's groups and retreats. (he read "how to win friends and influence ppl" and recommended that i read it.) Preaches nonviolence on a regular basis but has the potential to become physically abusive. (when we first met he said ppl in rships should never yell or hit each other b/c that shows disrespect and when ppl love each other they wouldnt do that to each other. then after he put his hands on me he said that all couples fight and hit each other and i am crazy for wanting an unreal relationship) Blames his physical abuse on his victim and his emotional wounds. He will say that he was deeply wounded by his victim and that he had no other choice but to assault his partner. (He said that since I said that hes not marriage material it hurt his feelings and he had to choke me as a result.) An apology from his partner for a mistake or disagreement is never enough. His partner will pay several times over for a mistake. (If he made a mistake i was supposed to shove it under the rug and forget about it, but when i made a mistake he never let me forget and i had to make it up to him somehow) Uses incidents against the partner to gain sympathy from others. (lies to others about me to make himself look like the victim and ppl sympathize with him. If a man says 'all women are crazy' or 'why do i get all the crazy women' stay away b/c chances are hes the crazy one!!!)

LuxKitten-

What are you looking for? No one can pull you out & you know that each of us will continue to encourage you to leave, but only you can walk out the door.

What is your big dream in life? What is the biggest dream you have ever dreamt?