BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids An article on the CF on Yahoo News (Fluffy!)

Check out Shine From Yahoo today: they have an article called "10 Things NOT to say to your Child-Free Friends" I will be the FIRST to tell you that Yahoo news is pretty much fluff, and this article isnt great: it seems to lead more toward the parents side of things (i.e. Of course we want to hear about your children all the time, and we want to be invited to ALL of juniors Birthday parties!" I personally would rather have dental surgery than attend a babies birthday, but hey thats me. Overall though, Im happy to see the CF POV in an article at all, and it is kind of a sweet article emphasizing that friendships are very important and that you should continue to work at your friendships when children come into the picture. I may hate kids parties, but I always go because I love the parents so much. ;)

I read the list, I don't think it leads more towards the parents side, since it is written in the first person from the point of view of a childfree, but of course CF are also different and not all should agree on how they would like to be treated or talked to.

I think they make good points. I specially like number 8. "I can't die, I'm a mom", lol!

PS: I read part of the comments, and I am stunned that actually some mothers wrote their deaths would be a lot worse than the death of childless people!!!!!!!I "loled" number 8, because I thought it was kind of a joke, but no, some women really believe they are more worth because they have children!!!!!!

I went on Shine by Yahoo and couldn't find it. Not even when I put the title in the search field. Can you give me a few hints on how to find the article? Thanks.

I just googled the title "10 Things NOT to say to your Child-Free Friends" and it was the first link.

Found it, phdkim...thank you.

I enjoyed reading a bunch of the comments posted by the readers too. A lot of the comments touched upon points that we discuss here on this forum.

Some of the people commenting on this article are exactly the kind of narrow-minded, thoughtless and cold people that I don't think should be having kids anyway. Like everyone who was arguing that a life is more valuable when children are attached to it. That's a pretty cold response if you ask me. For example, if I were to die today I have two sisters who would grieve for me greatly and value my life more than anyone's, many friends who would spend their days scrambling to get through life because I'm always the one to pick them up when they fall, two animals who would probably end up in the shelter and never find homes again because one is too hyper-active and the other is too old, and a Fiancee who would be heart-broken, empty and likely never able to love again. (he's slow to act when it comes to women and often before me, missed his chance with anyone.) And even though this next part sounds a little to the parent's side of things, it's still true that my own mother, father and grandmother would be devastated. They love me very much. My mother would be likely to start focusing all her life being as close to my sisters as possible and my father would react much like my fiance. To say that no one would miss me or that it wouldn't mean as much if I died compared to someone with children is exactly the kind of pig-headed attitude, the crock-of bull nonsense that I can't stand. People who stick their noses in the air like that at anyone different from themselves or anyone they view as "lesser" tends to [censored] me off quite a bit. And it's that same "I'm-better-than-you" attitude that I was sick of getting from all the pro-natal people back home. It's the biggest part of the reason I left to begin with. There's no reason I should be made to feel bad, guilty, wrong, meaningless, lonely, bored, sad or insignificant simply because I am different than someone else. God help us all if everyone were exactly the same.

And what would really be a kicker for me is if someday when their children grow up, those children decide to be child-free. Imagine: A mother with two daughters. One gets older, gets married and decides to not have any kids. The other is married and she and her husband both want a big family. Is that mother saying in her post that she would value one daughter's life more than the other because one daughter CHOSE to have and family and the other CHOSE not to? Of course not. That's why parent's are viewed as hypocrites a lot of times. They can say without any hesitation that someone they DON'T EVEN KNOW would be of "less value" or missed less upon death than they would because they have kids, but when one of their own two children chooses to be child-free, it doesn't mean that they will love them less, or that the son or daughter means less to them. Seems like a hypocrite to me.

I agree. Well said, Sam.

I liked this list, it felt very mature.

...At least more mature than the arrogance and universalizing of of their own feelings that a lot of parents lean toward. Recently, whenever a parent says culturally-condoned arrogant phrases like "It's OK to be child-free because you don't know what you're missing" or "I didn't know what life was about until I had kids either" or "The love a person feels for their kids is like no other, you have to experience it to understand". I just switch "kid" for "God" and it makes the condescension more obvious. Eg: "It's OK for you to be atheist because you don't know what you're missing", "There really is no love like God's love, you have to experience it to get it", "When you find God, you'll get it" etc etc. Sometimes it makes people roll their eyes but sometimes it works. (I'm religious, but I would never talk like that to people other than to make a point. Mostly because it's rude and not true for everybody, but also because it's not culturally accepted.)