Yep. I woke up this morning and guess who was in my bed? That's right. Don't know how he got in and I don't really care to know.
I rolled over at about four in the morning and thought it was a dream so I went back to sleep. But no, when I woke up when my alarm went off at seven thirty, he was still there sleeping peacefully.
He rambled for about an hour about how he is going to leave the state and become a man whore because he doesn't want another relationship unless it's with me. He said the usual, I love you, I can't live without you, I'm nothing without you by my side lines he usually uses and then said that he wants to know now if I will take him back or if I'm letting him go.
Part of me wanted to tell him to leave, another part was ecstatic that he was there, and the last part was half aware of the fact that he was saying all the things about leaving so I'd feel bad for him and change my mind and half not caring at all.
I hate this roller coaster I've been on lately. I just seems like the ride is never going to end.
He didn't last an entire day of being "single" before he came crawling back. It felt nice to be needed. I don't know what I am going to do now. I could let him go and move on with my life, miserable for a time, or see if he can really change. Basically, I'm right back where I was a month ago.
I feel like I've been making all this "progress" and it's still amounting to nothing. When I start to think that I'll be just fine without him, he shows up out the blue and slams that door closed yet again. And by the time I get him back to staying away, I'm depressed over missing him, then I start to think I'll be fine and the cycle starts again.
I am so sick of his mind games, but I don't know how to exempt myself from them. It doesn't seem to matter what I say, he just keeps coming back. I feel trapped and sad and alone.
I thought that this was over, that we had both checked out. And for a while I was okay with that, but this cycle sucks me back in and its wearing me thin.
