BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Am I being abused?

Hi...I am just curious what others think I should do in this situation...well my husband is abusive towards me but I just make excuses for him, and I think its not really bad abuse and I have just been ignoring it. He's never punched me in the face but he has given me bruises. He usually just pushes me into something when we are fighting or he will block me in the house where I can't leave. But I always make excuses for his behavior and ignore it. For example, here is a time it got really bad. One time he was like staring at me and I was upset and I wanted to be alone but he wouldn't stop staring at me. So I started screaming at him to go away but he wouldn't. Then he just kept staring at me so I was fed up and picked up our cat and threw it at him. Then he got a chair and threw it at me and started punching me in the leg and he bit my arm really hard and there is still a scar on it. I had bruises on my leg and arm and on my chest from the chair hitting me. This happened 6 months ago and I just kind of thought it was my fault for throwing a cat at him. Well lately, I started talking to another man online just out of boredom, I wasn't even trying to cheat or anything, this other man just started giving me attention and listening to my problems. Well, my husband found out and we fought for hours and he pushed me into the dresser and I had a bruise on my elbow. But now he is realizing that I am thinking about leaving him, since I was talking to another man, and he is being SOOOOO nice and acting sooo sorry for ever hurting me. He bought me roses and started cooking dinner for me. Its really weird and I almost feel sorry for him because he doesn't want to lose me. I just don't know if I can forget the past and he promises to change but will he? I'm scared too because we have only been married 1 and 1/2 years (dated 5 years) and everyone is going to think I'm a dumbass for leaving him so soon and everyone is going to think I'm crazy. My mom and brother love him and think he's great. And everyone thinks we have the perfect relationship because we are always together 24/7. But its all fake to me. I just don't know what to do.

Ugh, I'm feeling sick and nauseous just at the thought of going home after work. I know he's not going to hurt me though. I just keep thinking its my fault and that I'm making all of this into a big deal just as an excuse to leave him.

Michelle, I'm just seeing your post now for the first time. If you feel you are in danger, you need to get yourself to safety.

If you aren't in danger, and your husband is pursuing a reconciliation and forgiveness... find a counselor. Find one as soon as possible. He/she will help you sort out what you are going through.

Regardless of where this marriage is heading, introducing a third person into the situation is a bad idea. It will complicate everything and you really need to focus on sorting out your current relationship before you get into another one.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you have inner wounds that will hinder you from seeing this new guy for who he really is. You need to get that worked out first, or you may find you've traded in one type of abuse for another - and it may be worse.

Please talk to a professional who can help you find the answers you need.