BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Dr Jekyell and Mr Hyde

Yesterday we went to a wedding, and it wasn't until at the reception that he got drunk and started to say things that was embarassing.

We were seated where my old highschool class mates were. Over the course of the dinner, he started to say "If only you would learn from me, then we would be married." "Start being stright and not a jelly bean" etc etc, it got to the point I wasn't taking it to well, but I learnt to keep my face void of emotion.

We danced the night away and we made out and everything was wonderful. Till the next morning when I didn't want to have sex he just chucked a tantrum and said I am now reverting back to how I was from last year.

All I could think of was I'm glad I'm not married.

Exactly. That is the one saving grace in my situation as well. We're not married and we don't have kids. It doesn't make leaving easy, but it does give a person a sort of freedom that they wouldn't have (i.e. marriage-sense of obligation, children-staying for the sake of family, etc).

As of now he didn't go to his parents place. All I can think of was that he went to his parents place in the city and got his weed and is most likely bitching about me to his friend.

He has my phone, so I can't call him as the battery is dead. I'm thinking I wish I did have sex with him. So he didn't go off, yet the logic part is saying let him go. If he wants to be a [censored] then let him go.

I've been in that predicament many many times. I was almost always too weak to let him walk out the door without giving him what he wanted, let alone stand up for myself at all. Doing what needs to be done is so much harder than literally laying down and taking it. I can't say it gets easier watching them walk away, but at some point, making them leave makes you feel a teensy bit better because you don't have to deal with it. The feelings that come from it are an entirely different matter though. And I think that was always the worst for me, knowing that he was probably somewhere saying awful things about me. You give them everything you can and they just walk all over you. Bitter, painful cycle.

To right hun,

For me he left that morning because I refused to straddle him. Also because I didn't touch him or caress him. I got to the point of why should I after him raping me anally and hitting into me a month before.

Even though the night before was fantastic, the morning after it was all my fault that he chucked a tantrum because I didn't want sex.

To make matters seem worse, his friend that he has gone to see is going through a messy break up. So I'm sure there will be a lot of bitching.

I have been there too. Like it is our job to keep them satisfied. There are other things in life besides SEX. What is it with men like them that feel as though it is their god given right to sex? I'm sorry, but to assume that just because you are with someone, that you have the RIGHT to sex is absurd. Sex without want should not even be desirable, and yet it doesn't matter to them. I have never been "technically" forced into sex, I have given it when I didn't want to, but never by force. I can only imagine what hell that was for you to endure. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors with your partner and his friends, but I know that my partner has a crude mouth when it comes to me when he is with his friends. And a break-up only leads to more and more woman bashing unfortunately. Even to those who have done nothing wrong. I'd also like to add that it was not your fault he chooses to act like a child and not an adult (I wasn't really sure if you meant you thought it was your fault, or if HE thought it was your fault) And you are quite right, after treating you as he has, you have no "duty" to give him what he wants.

Sirene, thatgirl has a very valid point. What right dose he have to force anything on you. Let alone something that is suppose to feel good and be enjoyable not a burden. gggrrrr these men really make me angry. But only you can stand up for yourself. You have to make it stop because they will just use you up and find someone else to punish if not you. The cycle will never end. Not with you or the next. So no matter how it feels for them to leave its got to be better then how it feels to be used. Good luck my lovely ladies i see courage here. Keep up the reminder of your self worth. You can do it. sending love

Just updating: It's finally over...this morning I made a bit of scene while he was forcing me to have anal sex.

He said "As of now I don't want to see you any more. You are useless all you do is sleep alot."

A few days before he forced me into anal sex and I made so much noise his dad got up to inspect what was going on. Simon put his hand on my mouth then started to say that it is my fault that I make him have anal sex with me.

If I was just more sexier, if I gave myself (moving more on him to please him instead of lying in bed. Then he wouldn't force me.) to him.

(During this he said I looked pretty under him. Uh yeah that isn't making me feel good as his [censored] was hurting to much)

At present a part of me is blaming myself that the relationship has gone this way. If only I did what he said then I wouldn't be the cause of the problems.

Yet I know that I'm not the cause of the problems. It's not my fault it is his. Why though does it make me feel like I'm nothing.

As he said I'm useless, I can't do anything right and there really is no point of me being in this world.

Surprisingly, my "relationship" is also over. For now at least. He ended things yesterday. And I've taken it like salt to the wound. He abused me and acted as though I were dirt on his boot and he STILL gets to call the shots about when its over? I miss him. More than I thought I would. More than I should. More than I can stand. But I'm just taking it one minute at a time. And that's what you should do too. Don't let him get inside your head. You obviously are NOT worthless or useless just because some selfish man told you so. I don't know how much he means to you (if he means anything at all), but it does not matter, he is wrong. He is pushing his resentment and anger and self-loathing onto you, hoping that you too will feel how he feels. Standing up for yourself is sometimes all it takes, that's all it took for me, and apparently that's all it took for you. We are better off without. Just keeping telling yourself that. That's what I'm doing, and hopefully it gets easier in time to fully understand. I think he'll come back, and I hope that I am strong enough to say no. And I hope you are strong enough to stay away as well. I know how you feel when you blame yourself. I blame myself every day. If only I had done this, or that, or sacrificed more, or did more things...but its pointless to dwell on. I didn't do anything besides treat him the way a woman should treat a man. And all I got in return was a man who used and abused. It sounds like its somewhat the same for you. And I'll tell you, you deserve better. You went through hell for a very long time and now its done. Its over. You can be free and find someone who knows how to treat a lady right. Or stay single and find yourself. I lost myself a long time ago. I was called 'his girl' by him and everyone else and that was that. Well you know, I have a name, and I have an identity. And I'm going to figure out who I am again. And you now have the option to do the same. Don't let him play with you anymore. He is a grown man who can take care of himself. Let him have a pity-party on his own.