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I sit tonight feeling as if my head must might explode. I don't even know if I am in the right place? Where is the right place? I have had more stress pile on this year one right after another, stack, stack. The year started out with my Alcoholic Husband bottoming out, now recovering in AA. Followed by a diagnosis of Epilepsy for my son, then my 14yo dog gets a massive swelling due to a spider bite, had to fix that, meanwhile working at a job that SUCKS to say the least. People screamed at you on a regular basis. Then my daughter accused her poppa of touching her inappropriately, investgations, visits from DHS, then 2 months later poppa kills himself, Grandma is now a basket case. Meanwhile I left the SUCKs job and got another really good one (how I managed to hold it together for the interview and testing requirements I'll never know). However I have to acheive certification liquity split. Had to spend the better part of the last 6 weeks traveling for training. Finally home and DH picks a fight. Mostly about how selfish and selfcentered I am. I don't see how, so I ask for an example.....doesn't have any. I give up. Well, maybe it doesn't seem so unmanageable written down. And I feel better having written it down. Any advice how you handle the stress at this magnitutde

Tackle it one issue at a time if you look to far ahead you will crack. Focus on what is important for the next 5 minutes. Deal with it. Them focus on what is imporant for the next 5 minutes after that. Please take this advice with a grain of salt I am not a professional!

Hello Onethreadleft, When a combination of stressful circumstances pile on us, see it as a strong message, from your spirit guides that you are going in the wrong direction. Meaning you are not fulfilling the job you arrived on earth to do. The quickest way to get on track is to find time to do what you like to do best. If you have been spending time sympathizing with other people, you have not helped them, or yourself. Tell them to stop whining and get busy doing what they like. That will relieve your pressure. Karmic

Oh, my. Onethreadleft, what a challenge. Whenever life gets overwhelming, it's helpful take a mini-break. Breathe deeply, clear your head. Think nothing. It's like giving your brain a time-out. Do something soothing to your soul, like listen to beautiful music, sit in nature, sip some herb tea.

Then, consider the positives first. I'm not making light of your problems. They are serious indeed. But when you're trying to pull yourself together, it is helpful to look at the positives so life does not seem to unendurable:

1. Your husband is in AA and onto recovery. So many alcoholics choose to live in denial.
2. Your son has his diagnosis which is so much better than not knowing what you're dealing with. The unknowns are scary. There are many thriving epileptics. I know of several.
3. Your dog's medical crisis is over.
4. You had the courage to leave a horrible job.
5. You found a new and better job!

Those are no small feats. In fact, you should be commended because those are fantastic developments! So although those crisis moments were tough, you moved beyond them. Great job!

As for your daughter's accusations...how is she doing? How old is she and does she need any help working through this trauma?

Her grandfather. I'm sorry but his choice was not under your control. It was not your daughter's fault either. I will not go into this area further to lay blame, but it does not matter anymore. Simply do not give a lot of energy to what happened right now.

Her grandmother. Be careful that grandma does not blame your daughter for her husband's suicide. Grandma needs to come to terms with what happened in her own way. It's a terribly difficult thing to work through, but it is her life path. You must move past them and their issues and focus on your son, daughter and you.

You know that when you love and live with an addict of any type, he has issues to work through and will cast blame upon others instead of owning up to them himself. So be prepared that he will blame you for anything he may do or not do. But do not own it.

He called you selfish and self-centered because you are traveling for work, leaving behind the family to do so. And he is dealing with his alcoholism and feels he needs you and you're not there.

But listen, dear, you are doing the right thing by finding a better job and doing what it takes to keep it. You have a LOT on your plate and your priorities are your children first. A special needs (epileptic) child puts demands upon you that go beyond typical mothering. Who knows how long or how badly your daughter had been molested.

You need your husband to help out here and taking care of his addiction is his job. You can be supportive but you cannot take ownership of his sobriety.

It sounds like you're surrounded by a lot of weak characters so do NOT accept any blame or guilt they may thrust upon you. They will try because that is how weak characters try to feel better about themselves. They do not accept responsibility for their own actions. If he drinks, that is not your fault. If he strays, it is not your fault.

Tell him you love him, and you both need each other right now. You need each other so you have to stop attacking each other. But you both are responsible for our own choices. You both need to help and not hurt the family.

Gosh, I went on and on in different directions. You wanted stress relief. Well, first know that you're doing amazingly well all things considered. You are one strong woman. Kudos. Be kind to yourself. Find soothing ways to revitalize yourself. Then, focus on the kids and your new job. Do give attention to your hubby, but only when he is sober and kind.

Thank you so much for your replies. I appreciate all the comments. Lori your message was just what I needed to hear. My husband has been sober for 8 months, that I know of, and he's a good guy, but as you say he has his own demons to fight. He's not abusive. I try to remember that he is going through all of these things too. There is probably some jealousy associated with the travel part of it. I started this job 4 days after the suicide and left a week after that. So, I got away from it (temporarily) and he didn't. I got to spend my time with new people who didn't know about all this baggage, so I got to focus on other things, he didn't. However, I have always been the primary bread winner and I refuse to feel bad about making a career move that will leave me both happier and rewarded as time goes on. Which will make things better for everyone in the family. And I don't really think that is selfish of me. I am also glad that I have to focus on training and certification, it prevents me from wallowing in self pity more than a few hours here and there. I am not worried about grandma blaming my daughter for the suicide. She believes her. We all believe her. It's possible she blames me, since I turned him in. But, I don't feel bad about that. He made his choice, I made mine. It's hard to separate the man I knew as a father and the person he was. My daughter is 7 and seems well. I plan on utilizing the EAP program at work and have a professional talk to her to see if she is as fine as she seems. The police and DHS indicated that on the scale of what could have happened, it was 'minor'....not that anything of this sort is minor and that she likely will be ok. I have not told my children that he killed himself, just that he died. I do not see the purpose in divulging that piece of information. Although, I will need to one day. Again, I appreciate the responses, I was feeling particularly down last night and maybe just a little sorry for myself. I keep most of my feelings to myself. My son is actually doing well now and doesn't require medication, so that is also a positive. He will likely grow out of his particular type of epilepsy when he hits puberty. Hopefully there will be few (none) grand mals in the mean time. The dog, well she's 14. It was just another stick on the camel's back, so to speak. I realize that soon I will probably have to put her down. But, as long as she's relatively healthy it's not something to worry about today. While, like a lot of internet rantings, I was motivated to post by sadness and/or despair at the time. I am aware that I have been blessed with a good life. I have a roof over my head, food in my mouth and beautiful children, who are of course the best children a mother can have (don't most of us think that?). I also have a wicked sense of humor and today I had part II of a four part root canal, 'cuz my teeth naturally have to be different than most people. (Not really sure why humor and root canal go together in my brain, except for some reason I find it a bit funny). But, today I relish all the differences that make me, me and I think tomorrow I will too. I think I will take some of the advice given regarding taking mini breaks, do something I like and focusing on today, leave yesterday where it belongs and don't worry about tomorrow because it will take care of itself. Thanks again!

OneThreadLeft -

You have definitely been through a lot, and it sounds like you have handled it as well as anyone could! Talk about a perfect storm of stressors!

Definitely take it one day at a time. Keep a place for your own serenity. Care for your own health.

It is fine to speak out! It's far better than holding it in. Speak out about your hurdles, then seek solutions, and make that forward progress!

OneThreadLeft, I said it before and I'll say it again: You're one strong woman.

Everyone needs to vent, and at the time of the outpouring, all sorts of emotions tumble out. Make no apologies. It's cathartic.

But I'm very glad to hear you have a great sense of humor (oh, how it will save you!) and a positive attitude.

Indeed, you do have many, many blessings to be thankful for. You are YOU, and that is one of your most important blessings of all.

Thank you for posting and sharing because there are so many women out here that lurk and do not post, but they very much gain from your vulnerabilities, experiences, and thoughts.

Check back when you can.

Onethreadleft, Here is a suggestion from the Washington University, They did research on the amino acid called GABA a natural transmitter in our brains, (tramitters get messages from one brain nerve to put it in another one).The amygdala is the brains storehouse of emotions such as anger, anxiety, depression, elation, fear, and grief. GABA slows down or blocks emotional messages coming from the amygadala as they make their way to the cerebral cortex, the brains decision making center. Go to your local health food store and get 250 mg of GABA, take one a day, It is referred to as the brain's natural calming agent. Stay away from tranquilizers.

Great suggestion. Saw it being recommended also recently on an episode of Dr. Oz so I think it's definitely worth a try for those who suffer with stress or anxiety or panic attacks.