BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Irrational Mind

I re read my post today. Even though i have not gotten any response back to this, i see i was weak here and i need to just get over it. Ther are so many other men out there that i dont need to focus on the one that hurt me. I do wish it was easier and that love sould be erased from your mind like a phone number from a call log. In time i will fully hea look back and be proud of my life and its choices. And maybe one day i will find love for myself and stop this endless battle of why me.

Dont go back to him. I know its hard. I've broken up with my ex and gone back to him. The worst is when you start talking like friends. Block his number if that helps.

I know. I just needed to vent and be reminded i am not alone so that you for your response.

Pergatory, you've gone this far, now you must only continue. If you go back and he hurts you again,you'll have to experience this pain from the beginning all over again. It starts with the 'friends' thing then before you know it they've weasled their way back into our lives. I took mine back, and of course he's all promises right now,but deep inside I fear for the day his evil side is unleashed again. It is so easy for us to forgive in the name of love. I wish it weren't so hard...

WishingStar, you are right i know it in my heart i do. Its just hard to let go sometimes. I never wanted to be with anyone more then i have with him. He can be so kind, and the friends zone is stupid, but im not ready to date so i hold on to him to still have male attention i think, i dont know. I wish life was much easier or atleast the guys were much nicer. Oh freaking well its my birthday today and i plan to be selfish dress up feel pretty and spend my day with the people who make me happy i will worry about tomorrow. tomorrow

Happy belated birthday pergatory! May this new year of life bless you with dreams come true, closed chapters and new brighter pages to be writen by you...

I would also like to add to this, even this post is old, from experience and talking to many survivors and victims, oftentimes when you go back, it gets worse then before. Now not only do they have what would hurt you before in words, the abuser has the breakup to hold over your head and get mad about. "You left me, therefore, you deserve this beating/screaming/choking/sexual abuse." I went back twice.

Pergatory.....the move will be good for you.

I do have a suggestion that I think you should seriously think about. When you are settled into your new place please check into counseling for yourself to deal with the situation that you are leaving, and for your unresolved feelings towards the man that abused you. Running away will not make all of that go away for you just because you have a change of scenery.

Counseling will help put things back into proper perspective so you can deal with and dispel the confusion, hurt, anger, etc. Please think about this.....a primary doctor can refer you or perhaps social services in your community. There is help if you are on a limited budget or do not have insurance.

Get the help you need to beat this thing and realize what a special person you are. You deserve great things and you are taking the right steps for a better life. Good luck to you.