BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence A small victory for me...

I don't know what it is this weekend. On Saturday night we all went out having a night out. I got a bit tipsy and I told Simon "Don't you EVER slap the back of my head, punch my body or choke me again". Then last night he tried to force me into anal sex, which he did but I made it as unpleasent as ever. By telling him in a loud voice to hurry up and get it over and done with. Which turned him off so much that he got up from the bed and left. You know what I didn't lose any sleep over it. I just waited for him to leave and I rolled over and caught some Zzzz.

That is a victory of initiating boundaries.

I see a lot of high strung men turning to porn, kind of self-medicating I guess.

The fantasies they can get for free or purchase with subscriptions isn't quite as much fun when the reality of it with a human being is bouncing on the rocks.

You showed him both you were willing but in the end it was a decision you really didn't want to go any further with.

A woman I use to know said she was so disgusted with her husband's physical abuse but still honored their marrital duties was just exhausted that particular day. He kept pushing it, getting more and more agressive. Finally fighting him off was just as exhausting and said:

"Fine, you just want to (censored) me while I lay here? I'm dead to the core. My body is exhausted!"

And you know what? He did.

Sirene! It has only been a few days since we talked and you have already found some strength inside of you! Maybe it doesnt seem like much, and he still might be awful to you, but maybe saying something will build your strength up even more and you can get out. Or at least start thinking about it. I hope with all my heart that something good branches from this.

Sirene... I am happy you are starting to put your foot down. Its crazy how something like this makes us proud. But why dose it have to be like that why isnt a no taken seriously that we still yet have to endure the pain to prove a point ugh been there before not fun. I am very proud you are starting to overcome your fear of this man ans really stand up for what makes you happy and what dose not.I hope one day you just get to the point where its finally enough and you get up dust your pretty self off and walk, walk until you feel like your ready to make peace with your broken soul and heal. Im happy to hear a start to your healing.

Thanks guys,

Before, when he did something like that in regards to me refusing sex, he would chuck child tantrums or he would force himself onto me.

When he was done or gone, I would cry and think what if I did what he wanted, then he would still be here. I didn't lose sleep over it.

Even this morning he wanted me to straddle him. I didn't feel like it as I feel tired (I have put back some of the weight I have lost) so he got up dressed and left. I know he went to the city which is 3 hours away to go see his friend and most likely gone to get some of his smokeo.

I just at present don't feel like sex. And I shouldn't feel the need to oblige in his lust.

Sirene baby steps. Its not just about sex its more he dosent make you feel sexy.If with the weight you have regained you could still feel sext. I think this guy has just worn out his sexual welcome with you. If sex with him is always so horriable how could he expect you to want it. I hope one day a man kisses you, holds you and treats you like a lady. Im sure you have forgotten what it feels like to have real lust for a man or how it feels to be loved on. Maybe you can find that back again one day and you wont needs his pre-madonna tantrums to live by. Glad your doing good. Stay strong