anytime they face consequences for bad choices or when I don't cave under pressure I am of course the "mean mom" - but that's ok it means I am sticking to my guns and providing much needed stability and discipline.
I always try to make sure my kids know that if they lose a game for a night or tv or something that is a direct result of choices they make. They still feel empowered and can make a better choice next time. Eventually all is right with the world again and the next day they go back to loving me

It's better imo to have a "mean mom" ahem.. than one who doesn't care at all. My mother was very relaxed with us and it was harder to instill self-discipline I think. So I tell my kids this is how you learn how the world works