BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Hysterical in the workplace!!!

Just a small rant, not exactly only a child free rant, but Im shocked to see Bella Online doesnt have a "Feminism" or "Empowerment" section! Im just really bothered by this today, so Ive gotta get it out EVERY SINGLE DAY my boss cries at work. Mutliple times a day. She is going through a bad custody battle over her four year old. Its terrible. Really. I feel for her. Im happy that I will never be fighting with a total a** hole ex over a child. But REALLY???? Crying all day? Its horribly unproffesional! My personal opinion is that it really makes women look bad. The worst part however is that ITS CROCODILE TEARS!!! There are no actual tears coming down her face....she's just doing it to hold people emotionally hostage. I think its sick. I do find it interesting though.....she doesnt cry to me. Not directly. I sit right outside her office, so I HEAR her crying all day, on the phone, to co-workers, to contractors, to STRANGERS, anyone who will sit still. But when she tells me these stories first hand, she doesnt cry. Can it be that her subconcious knows that I think shes full of s***???? Its not bad enough that shes one of those moms that literally speaks of nothing but junior and how miraculous he is....(she even does the little baby voice, complete with "oh-Tay Mommy" .....but I cant handle the constant forced Montel Williams show environment. Ive been very upset at work as well in the past. Guess what? I need to let it out, I go for a walk, I cry in the car later, etc. What I dont do is constantly air my dirty laundry and try to get sympathy from everyone passing by. GGRRRRRR Ladies: dont do this. Please. Lets make a concerted effort to present ourselves as proffesionals when we are working, no matter what is going on behind closed doors.

Talk about a nightmare on Elm Street !!
Geeze !!!
Cry me a frikin' river !
But, like you said, she is just trying to play the rest of the crew for sympathy... the human ego is like that constantly looking for attention.
In the '40's and 50's the workplace was sacred... them people went through all kinds of stuff.. miscarriages, divorce, domestic abuse.. etc. After you punch the clock.. all that [censored] stays home. With that said, I think the terms "Feminism" or "Empowerment" have too much baggage attached to them in today's society. Like the world cult.. he's in a religious cult... stay away from him !! I'm not being critical. It's just language has been so abused and stigmatized that it is difficult to truly communicate. You're dealing with a responsibility problem here. And it is not just the individual, it is system wide, society wide, and civilization wide so acutely observed by you as TV being the end all and be all of human behavior.
Responsibility.
You went in the car to cry because you were responsible to your co-workers and your workplace.
Of course your gut was wrenched -- of course your heart was ripped out of your chest.. but, it was YOUR Problem and you took responsibility for it instead of dumping syrupy sympathy on everyone else - who has their own problems. You understand that, and you respect that.
It's called being an adult.
-- Burt B.

RE: "Feminism" or "Empowerment"

I read a lot of Phyllis Schlafly.

Her blog is blog dot eagleforum dot org

Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Let's Review the Violence Against Women Act

Thursday, September 29, 2011
Let's Fix the Violence Against Women Act

If she is fake crying to gather sympathy, that's obnoxious. Otherwise, give her a break. Before she was a professional, she was what each of us are, a human being. I think people should be able to cry openly, and don't think it's honorable to hide emotions. Shedding tears is healthy and natural and shouldn't be offensive to others. However, if it's consuming her days, perhaps she should consider a leave of absence until she sorts things out.

I used to work in a lab full of women, and I still couldn't imagine crying in front of them. Granted, I'm a bit blessed in that I haven't had anything remotely as bad as a divorce to cry over. But, I'd like to think I could keep it together at work.

Hi Dinahlove, you bring up many different topics, and all interesting stuff. - ain't life great - never dull...

I agree with the feminism issue to a point. I feel women in general put themselves down, and anything that empowers those people to stretch themselves and grow and be confident is not only a good thing, but vital these days.
However some 'feminists' seem to put themselves above men, belittling them. ( and I cringe sometimes at their anti men stand - aren't they doing the same as men have done to women in the past ?). I believe men need certain things to assist their own in built insecurities as do women. then on top of that you have the individual needs / insecurities that both men and women suffer.

So I agree with 'woman power' and all that, but it should only be banged on with the ignorant sexist attitudes that still exist today .

As for the work problem, I feel for the woman, but I agree she should try and leave the weeping and wailing at home. It's neither productive, nor solves her problem .
She sounds the needy type, that thinks her problems are interesting and everyone wants to hear constantly about. ( the sort I run a mile from so I feel for you having to work so closely with her.
She either needs time off work to help solve the problem, or concentrate on work when she's there.

I never try to bring my problems to work. first I'm aware people have their own problems, and don't want to hear mine. second you are being paid to work, and if you're a conscientious person, then that's what you do. thirdly to immerse yourself in work - for however long your there, takes your mind off problems, and is healthy instead of constantly dwelling on an upsetting issue.

I had another 'typical' old fashioned conversation yesterday - my work colleague - 50 yr old greek man - was talking to me and friend - cf 38 yr old - and he was saying it's unnatural for a woman not to have kids, and a family is only with kids.
My friend was saying her lifestyle would suffer with a child, and that some of her female friends have said if they had their time again they wouldn't have kids. and she believed her and hubby and dog, cat and chickens were her 'family'.
to which he disagreed, and said she didn't have a 'family'

Thank God these opinions are getting outdated, but I'm amazed how many people still believe this, and how 'belittled' you feel when confronted with it.

Do i want to be in that womans' position, with a broken marriage, and a custody fight ? No. life isn't simple man ,woman , 2 kids, happy ever after . It's all that and more.
That's why we can choose to go down that road or not.
Hopefully in the future those that choose against kids won't feel belittled for that choice.

I work in a very close-knit work group. When people have pain in their lives, they might open up and discuss with a co-worker who is their friend, and there could be tears involved, but that would always be behind closed doors.

Co-workers can be friends who support you and personal life can spill into the professional work place, but.... we draw our limits and don't subject EVERYONE at the work place to our personal drama. That to me is the issue, do you make everyone at work aware of your dirty laundry. If so, then I feel it's in poor taste. Just my opinion.

Hi Gaynor8002,
You have a very balanced view from many perspectives.
I think a lot of people, (including myself), have a very difficult time separating fantasy from reality. I mean even in the '50s and '60s what woman would mop and wax the floor with pearls and high-heals ? My mom and the women in my neighborhood were lucky to be able to wear their husband's long T-Shirt after a long and crazy day and maybe have a cup of coffee for about 1/2 hr. All of these false expectations just to sell products.
Also, I think a lot of parents from the old fashioned generation were so sick and wore out from having kids that they try to push the young girl and young guy out of the door to get married just to get them out of their hair -- they said to themselves, "we suffered tremendously raising you, now it's your turn to suffer".

Gaynor.....I agree that families can take many forms and not necessarily have to be with human children. I think the old fashioned minds out there live in a bit of a fantasy land, and that may be what gets them through everything it takes to raise a family. The child-free have looked at the realities of raising kids and have realized that the experience is not "all that" and a bag of chips.

Like you stated, unfortunately we are still going to have to deal with the closed-minded people who think that having babies is the only way of life. If raising a family makes someone happy then more power to them. I agree that there is no need for those in favor of raising children to belittle us because we choose a different road in life. These people may not even say it in so many words but we know when someone thinks that our lifestyle is "less than" theirs, and it is certainly not the norm in their eyes.

Anne.....I agree with you that sometimes close friendships form in the workplace. I see nothing wrong with sharing problems with someone you are close to at work as long as it is discreet and it does not disrupt everyone else. Sometimes a listening ear at work is just what is needed to get a troubled person through the day. I have been in that situation, and I was grateful for the person who offered a few moments of her time to let me vent some private things that were bothering me. I was able to go back to my desk and do my job without letting my troubles consume me.

Burt.....It is always interesting to get your view on things, so thanks for posting here. What you mentioned about the 50's and 60's got me to thinking about those times. It is hard in any era to raise kids, but I think we face so many more challenges now than people did back in those days. Many women stayed home and raised their babies. That is considered a luxury now, and a lot of women don't even want to stay home anymore with their babies but prefer to work on their careers and stick their infants in day care.

I don't agree that someone else should be raising your child in an environment where sometimes conditions are not clean enough or the caretakers are not diligent enough. You don't know what goes on when you are not around, and I could never see leaving a baby with strangers. There is just too much bad in the world today and maybe I don't trust enough, but that is just my view. Years ago this was not an issue because women stayed home with their babies, but nowadays most women can't afford to stay home and must go to work, yet a good portion of what they will make will go towards the expense of child care.

Times have changed and I don't think necessarily for the better, for many reasons. Some things are very wrong with society today, and I won't get into all of that, but maybe there is something to be said for a more simple way of life.

Community, Community, Community... What's lacking is community.
The 40's 50's and 60's -- we're pretty much the same as they are now, and sometimes even worse. All the garbage on TV has been going on since the beginning of time. Only difference now, is that it is graphically put into our face! My aunt would be at church every sunday morning occasionally with black & blue spots... how did she get them? why, she fell down the stairs of course.. yeah... right. It was behind closed doors.. the '60s exploded that myth.. but there were many casualties especially with the drugs. The '70s were a regurgitation of the '60s with a capitalist edge. Love, Peace and Joy... Really ? Where the hell is it ? So, my point being is that the nuclear family is the basic link of society and civilization... well, the forces abound in the world hell bent on destroying civilization have pretty much wiped out the nuclear family. People are so scattered and confused that there is no time, no space, and no money for the young to learn from the old and to share the workload and skillsets of various age groups. We were created to live together and work together in harmony. Technology has outpaced human nature. But things are changing and getting better... We're using technology for the upliftment of others. This proper use and the use of expediting our workloads allows us purchase time to pursue spiritual goals is the reason technology exists. You can use a hammer to build a house or bash someone's head in -- it's a tool. It's up to the people to remain ethical -- A free people cannot remain free unless they are moral. <I'm one to talk of course>... Anyway... The solution is coming down the pike... Science is designed to prove Religion, and Religion is designed to prove Science... It's coming but slowly... By God's Grace we are on the cutting edge of Community of like minded people. Or as I have heard it said: Come Ye Into Union = Community ISBN-10: 097204020X
ISBN-13: 978-0972040204 NOT Communism which stifle creativity and competition because no initiative to work harder is there since everyone gets equal shares.
Cheers,
Burt B.