BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids your married no kids living situation..our story

Our living situation has been as follows: an apartment, & in my father in laws house. We are in the process of purchasIng a condo. This is a small but beautiful place, and I feel it would suit us well. Before moving in with my father in law to save more, hubby and I lived in a one bedroom apartment, and found that it suited us quite well. I am very much anti-clutter. To give you an idea I put out ONE decoration per season and whenever I buy something new, I donate something old. That being said, I was taken back by a few comments made by others regarding this purchase! I have heard the following: "there's no room to grow." , Oh, that's a nice place for those just starting out." "What if you have a baby?" Its so annoying! First of all, I don't want to grow I want to stay the size I am now and keep it simple, I'd much rather spend on travels! Second of all, I don't understand this," just starting out" stuff. Does it imply if one lives in a condo ten years into their marriage theres something wrong lol? Third of all, if someone was interested in having a baby, they'd most likely NOT be purchasing a one bedroom condo! What's wrong with some people??? Thankfully our family has been supportive , but I'm growing tired f the assumptions made by the outside world.

It really blows my mind how opinionated some people can be, especially over things that are none of their business. If they do not agree with your lifestyle in any way they should keep their opinions to themselves. How would they like their lives criticized and analyzed? If you are happy with your life then your friends and family should just be happy for you, but it does seem like a lot to expect sometimes.

We are all entitled to live our lives on our own terms. The child-free community in general still has to deal with the expectations of everyone else who thinks that there is no other way to live your life than to settle down and have a few babies. What narrow-minded people. Little do they realize the amount of time and forethought it took to make a responsible decision to not have children, for whatever reasons.

I'd certainly rather see more people decide not to have kids than to see all the unfit parents out there, and the little selfish and self-centered brats that they are turning out. Granted, there are a lot of great parents out there, but it seems like we are seeing more and more of the unfit variety, probably because they felt it was the "thing to do" to have children and now they are not even capable of carrying out the job they started.

Being child-free myself I commend you for your choice and lifestyle, misstalia. You are entitled to be happy, and if that means a one bedroom condo then do it and enjoy your life to the fullest. You are a lucky woman in that a lot of people these days can't even afford to live in an apartment in this terrible economy. Enjoy your simple and peaceful life, and enjoy all the places you will be able to afford to visit because you have chosen to buy a smaller place. I think it is great!

When you get the ignorant comments from the peanut gallery just tell them with a smile that you could not be happier. Don't let other people's views get you down. Continue to do what brings you joy and the heck with everyone else who does not support you.

Thank you for your kind words, Cassie. I do feel fortunate, we try to be smart about money and only splurge on wholesome foods and seeing new places. Although, In our area (NJ) it would be another 2 to 300 per month to rent ( unless you're renting somewhere horrendous). I agree with you more and more having kids because you're supposed to and it shows in some of today's kids. Most of the people I know around here have good jobs in the medical field or good employable skills, yet they live somewhere that the mortgage costs them 2000+ per month, and the property taxes 10,000( yes, really). would never want to live that way...no money for enjoyment, not to mention the main reason that it's not smart to live that tight. Hubby and I were both brought up in upper-middle class area in the big houses. I love my families home and that they gave me such a lovely upbringing, yet I feel even if we did have that kind of money ( which we do not) I'd be spending it on a second condo rather than a big house for two people and a pet lol.

Misstalia: Dont let them get you down! Im afraid modern day culture is just as baffled about someone NOT wanting a huge house with a zillion possesions just as much as they are baffled about the choice to remain child free! My BF and I discuss this a lot, we are both in our 30's so we have plenty of childed and not yet childed friends out there (we havent met any child free yet, boooo!) who are clamoring to get the absolute biggest home they can possibly afford and fill it with the best stuff. Our old roomates were that way, got the largest they could get, 2800 sf + for two people and no children yet. I undertand that modern people like a lot of space but we couldnt help but wonder what would happen if one of them got laid off.....there goes the house! And how many times have you watched "House Hunters" on HGTV just to hear another idiot couple state "We need a bigger house!" even though everyone already has a big bedroom to themselves, lots of times its teens who will be moving out soon anyway! NO, on top of everything they already have, they need two extra bedrooms (One for crafts! One for toys!) a three car garage (Dont own three cars? Better go buy another one!)and a huge family room for all your TV's/gaming systems. I personally feel its really ridiculous! I applaud you for living a clean, green lifestyle! Im sure you are just as happy and more stress free than those folk with all that stuff they have to take care of! If you want to check out a cool website with like-minded folk, go the Tiny House Blog! The BF and I love looking at the tiny homes and seeing just how economically people can live and still be comfortable and happy! And lucky you, the next time one of those comment-makers wants to stay over-night you can say "Oh, so sorry, we only have ONE bedroom. You'll need to leave" lol

Dinah, I see alot of that here as well. I dated a man years ago, he still lived with his family....they lived in a 600,000 dollar home where the pantry was nearly empty and they couldn't afford to keep lights on! I will check out the site! Thanks.

... My husband and I have a 4 bedroom, 1500 square feet home. One room is our bedroom, we have a guest room, and we each have a room for our own usage (he has "the man cave," I have an office/exercise room). It certainly wasn't even close to the biggest or most expensive place we could have bought, but it also wasn't the cheapest or smallest I suppose. We really like to entertain and have people over, and that's not easy to do in a one bedroom place. Also, we wanted our 5 kitties to have as much room as possible since they don't get to go outdoors. While I respect people who like to live simply and want a small place, we like having some room to move around. Our home was well within our budget, and we are very happy here. Also, we try to live a green life too. We recycle everything we can (actually got 2 sets of recycle bins from the county because one would not do us for the week), we don't waste electricity, and we even has a solar hot water heater installed.

Sorry if I'm getting a little defensive, but this just reminds me a bit of what my sister said to me when my husband and I bought our home: "Don't you think you should get a smaller place and leave this one for a family who could really use the space?"

Grrr, it's not like the world has run out of houses. We could afford it, and we wanted it, so why shouldn't we be allowed to have it?

Doesn't it come back to the fact some people just like to put their own ideas / opinions onto others.
like - well, I have two kids and enjoy it, so you must do the same in order to be fulfilled.....

Misstalia, I think it's great you're moving out, and have found exactly what you're looking for, and I know exactly how annoying it is, when others belittle your choice - no matter what that may be - unhappy, small minded people who like to put others down, to make themselves feel better.

I had a similar experience as you Dolyn with the house we're in now. our friends with two kids came over and basically said it was too big for just us two ( it's 3 bedrooms with a large outside patio ).
They can't afford to buy and are in a 2 bed small bungalow, so their son and daughter share a room.
Our other friends have been complimentary, knowing we are happy with it ( even if they disagree, friends make you feel happy about your choices )

Dolyn! Don't be offended! I grew up in the same kind of house and I think it doesn't matter if you're two people or ten people. You should buy what you can afford, feel most comfortable in, etc. I know what you go through with that because everytime my family would have company that lived in more modest homes, said company would talk about our house for what seemed like hours and it was really weird to me.... it's just a house lol! I was referring to the fact that my neighborhood has always been famous for people in the big houses with no furniture or lights on lol! Mainly, I was saying that I was feeling badly that some others where making comments that were rude and presumptuous regarding our choice of a smaller place because they assume that we' ll want kids or need all of this space etc. Gay or, thanks for the support, also, your friends are clearly envious!

Dolyn: You SHOULD be allowed to have it! I was not trying to imply that every person should live in the tiniest space possible, not at all! I was speaking more of the RAMPANT consumerism that is a part of our culture and how it is perplexing to a lot of society that someone would opt to live in a small space. I agree with you that Im sure you and your partner work hard for your money and are completely entitled to as large of a home as you want! What Im [u]not[/u] a fan of is people stretching themselves to the very limit in order to own as many big ticket items as possible. Somehow our culture seems to be evolving to send the message that the bigger and better the stuff = a happier life and a better you. This is the core of consumerism. I personally disagree that owning things is the key to happiness! In my experience, the more I have owned, and the larger my debt, the less happy I have been! Its too stressful for the likes of me to have to maintain a bunch of things! But you are justified in being [censored] about comments such as those, that you somehow are not entitled to an average sized home because you dont have children. That is bull-pucky as my gramps used to say! Im glad you enjoy your home and Im sure the kitties do too: I used to have three and they for sure need lots of room to run and play!

Naked I came into this world, naked I shall leave.

Just as soon as you don't want or need something... you can have as much as you like.

Non-attachment is the key approach to material things and materialism.

The LORD giveth, The LORD taketh away.. Praise The LORD - I AM THAT I AM.