BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Stuck in Pergatory

Sorry, wanted to tell you that the book that was most helpful was not "The Language of Letting Go" but the sequel "More Language of Letting Go." They are in calendar format with a slight religious bent but not over the top. If you can't tell, I pulled the books off the shelf. Just wanted to get my feet wet is all. Time for a towel and bed. Going to go remininsce for a minute before sleep.

Elleise, thank you for the support and kinds words. Your right i would not be who i am today without my bad trips. I am greatful i have been so lucky to find support threw some really good friends that can relate to my situation. It sucks that one person can destroy something of yours that your doing to help yourself and others just really annoys me. I like how you put the thrill wore off i totally get what you mean by that.Im very happy i have found you all it really helps with the little reminders i am not alone. Nikkirae, I am going to go and look for this book when i get a free minute.. Yea its weird how you can get attached to the little things in life it just goes to show how fragile life can be. I think all of us at some point have done things like that. I was kinda in your boat didnt get to much into drugs but i did do them every once in awhile drinkin on the other hand was my vice for sure and boys i was always looking for love in all the wrong places thats for sure. I have a nine year old daughter that i put up for adoption after a rape that happened it took me a long time to accept that fate in my life and the loss of my child. She has a great family and i talk to her all the time so i cant complain. My ex was the first person to visit her with me i hate i let him get so close to me and my life i think that is another reason i dont want to let go of this anger i have. Also i dont mind you ramble i like it now im not the only one who gets on here and crys over a silly fish. We all have our past but the fact we have eachother and relate to most of these situations show we are getting stronger and making better choices for ourselfs and our familys.Im sorry you are so drainedi have thise days to where i just cant seem to shake the funk im in. you can always vent to me i have no problem with that. I hope you are feeling better today. Thanks for your support

I have definitely been in a funk lately, words that I want to say just not comming out. And I don't know what I would do without this forum at the moment. I have been obsessing so much and being able to talk with ya'll means so much. THe children have a way of making things a little bearable. I am so sorry you went through what you did but your beautiful girl was meant to be. That's what I keep reminding myself when I think about how I should have left sooner. I should have left when I was 4 mos. pregnant and he started getting physical again, I should have left after son was born and my husband about bit my nose off, I should have left when I was pregnant with my 2nd and husband threatened to kick me in the face with steel toed boots so I would go through the window. Shoulda's, regrets, all the pain... Our children were meant to be, God/the world/the stars have a plan for our children. I am going to bring back to you what you said to me. I like to think that your daughter chose you for a mother and she was born to you to heal your pain. You get to see her blosoom and share in her growth, it's amazing.

Thanks Nikkirea, i do ask myself sometimes why me. What have i ever done to deserve my life so broken. I may never have an answer to that but i will say this i love myself and if thats all i end up with well then its more then most :). Im sorry you have been in such a funck but im glad to have you to talk to i like reading your post and talking with you to. So far today i just feel tierd after the death of my grandma and working i think i have slep twelve hours in three days. But life dose no stop for me. Your right shoulda woulda coulda, i honestly think everyone on this blog can relate to that feeling. I watched a movie recently it was fiction but it was about fate and how one little thing think spilling coffee on your shirt makes you turn around to clean and while your back is turned your path taken has changed. If you hadnt stayed you wouldnt have your children and be suffering this alone. Remeber dont dwell on what you cant change, change what you can control. Hard long process but worth it when your on top. I send my love and support your way. Keep your head up there is good coming your way.

Its been a couple of days since i been on here have not really heard much back in a little while. Life has been petty normal last few days. I guess i was just looking to see how everyone else is doing. I realized last night that i am more broken from my few years in this domestic relationship then i thought i got into a hugh fight with this guy at the bar for grabbing my butt and i freaked out i got so angry i chased him down and yelled and screamed at him in the parking lot not even thinking about my safty or how he might react the worst part is he was holding his girlfriends hand and she was clueless defending him i mean really dude you have not respect for yourself......Then i got to thinking neither do i for myself i let this man lie, cheat manipulate and beat me for years yet i stayed and gave him myself to the fullest. How did i grow up to hate myself so much why would i think anyone would respect me if i cant even stand up for myself. And here i thought i was doing so good for myself. i feel like im back to square one will i ever get out of this selfdestructive behavior before it consumes my life and kills me, will i ever find it in myslef to love me or am i just to broken to bother even being fixed. Why cant life just relax and give us wounded a chance to heal i feel sad for myself she has no chance.Sad realization today

You know, that happens and you know what else? You're perfectly, in fact, it's a sign that you're healthy/normal, really...here's why

While you're going through it, you have this thing inside, it's like a survival instinct. Think of it as novocaine. From all directions you pretty much, your being is under attack.

There are things that happen whatever we're doing, it's not always DV, but things happen and they reveal stuff.


Those "normal days" ? Those are the days you usually stand still and believe that it's not so bad, kind of a recovery period, but they're there more for self-reflection I believe, when you can just breath in and out for awhile and dream..but also get those ducks in order

Pergatory, I am so sorry for all that you've been through. I too am dealing with the after-effects of being with an abusive man, and I find it so strange that no matter what they do to us, that instinct to go back to them still remains. I too felt like I've lost everything. But the most important thing to remember is, you still have YOU, broken and lost as you might feel, YOU are still YOU (and alive), and you will heal and you will have a great life without him. Rest assured that no matter who he is with, his issues will always come out. Each new woman will see this side of him, and he may never change. Open your heart to new possibilities and you will be amazed at the doors that will open...

WishingStar, thank you i was feeling ecspecially sad today. I had a date this weekend for the first time since my breakup i been feeling strong and ready. This guy planned this with me for over a week and two hours the day of before our date he told me he no longer wanted to take me..see ya. he said some really mean things and it really upset me i allowed myself to get hurt again i mean i only let my gaurd down for two min. Wow i just feel that men all the way around are all masters of disquise and nothing they do or say is real. I hate this thought that i will always be disappointed by the other sex....And the worst part it makes me miss my ex even though he was awful to me i rather deal with that then this unpredictable world of dating. Ugh please help me God is all i can say today. ihave traped my self in two worlds that are about to collid in a very negative way today. Just venting im sure tomorrow will be a new and better day and im sure this was one of Gods ways of protecting me im trying to look at all the positives but honestly i wanna cry and freak out.

It's clear that this new guy wasn't even worth your time anyway. Better to find out now before you get emotionally attached, then to have to wait for a year or longer... I am working really hard to listen to the signs that my path is giving me. Maybe it is just a sign that you need more time to focus on yourself... I am trying to figure out what I can do to heal and get more in touch with myself, and I think it is a long process. The more positive and focused we are as women on our goals and self love, the closer we get to attracting people into our lives that love us and respect us for who we truly are. There are good guys out there, and someday we wil be writing in the love section talking about how great true love is :) HUGS!!! WishingStar

PS A good cry can be theraputic sometimes, let it out, don't hold it in...