BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence somethings never change

first off i'd like to thank everyone for your opinions on my last post, i recently got a new job and i now work full time on top of looking for my own apartment and taking care of an almost four month old. unfortunately after posting i felt as if i was over reacting, i apologized to my sons father and we made up. things were going great. i wasn't filled with fear when i was with him, he was the person i used to know. lately though i see the other side of him is starting to show. i feel so used and broken down. he has been accusing me cheating and a lot of other crazy things. he's back to calling me a [censored] and blaming me.. he hasn't really hit me but everything else on top of threatening me, i feel like i'm a lost cause like i deserve what i'm getting because i keep going back. he has a hold on me, i can not understand why i won't just leave him alone. i told him if i do things that make him hurt me than just leave me alone but he told me its not me and he was going to stop. i truly feel stupid, i've tried talking to two of my friends i would just hint around to what's been going on and before i can tell them everything they'll just tell me i'm not that type of female and go on talking about what they would do if their boyfriend treated themm that way. i'm alone but i know its my fault for continuing to go back to him. i guess i'm not looking for advice fromm this post, just want to vent a little..

I understand your vent and you are not alone. I had remembered a stat I heard once about how many times on average a woman leaves before leaving for good. I found this wonderful website while looking for that stat and thought I would share a bit of the info: BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

oh goodness... just wrote a long post but it didn't go through, I will be back.

Speechlessss, I think the more independent you become and know that you can rely on yourself, the easier it will be for you to pull away from the abusive relationship. If you can get some financial aid from WIC, Federally Funded Nutrition Aid For Women Infants and Children, that will help you a lot.

Often it is the financial situation that holds a woman back from leaving a relationship. Once you feel more secure financially with just yourself, it may give you more courage to go forward on your own and leave the abusive relationship behind.

Speachless, hunny. I am glad you came back i read your post and was sad you felt this was not the place for you. Sometimes we all need a moment to see how to respond, in your post you mention you hint to your friends and they blow you off. Well sometimes when a domestic is fresh and new the person reaching out dose not really want t hear what we have to say. I see now you really want help. Now what i say may not apply to everyone so i speak for myself i made excuses for mine for year he was in the military his dad beat his mom bla bla bla well lame my mother was a bad mother and addict, well im not and i plan to make a great mother one day. My point is you make your own choices to become who you are and be what you want. This guy sounds like a monster. And i know very well what sleeping with the enemey is like mine could be so passionate and caring. Yet beat the living god out of me. it started small just mena words pushing cheating lieing blame then a smack then a punch then i was fighting for my life in a hotel room. Dont let yourself be a victim if you dont have to. I left everything i had no friends no family no money no job no where to live. But i do it all over again bacause now it took time trust me but now i have a great job the best of friends a swanky apartment and i have me. And i am starting to love her again. Love yourself that builds a streaght not even this guy can power threw. I know the feeling of being under their spell, its intoxicating but once your out and awway and give yourself a breath of fresh air you dont need them anyomore. I hope this was not to long for you. I just wish i could pile up all the strength from all these women and just power house this guy out of your life. But like any addiction you have to want to do it before anyone else can help you. Remeber this is no longer just about you, you have a child now. And from the sound of it he only has you to protect him, sorry about the spelling im at work and in a hurry. You have support here never fell you will do this alone. Talk to us listen to us and build your stairwell out of hell one step at a time....Start today. Look in the mirror at your beautiful self. Remind yourself you are beautiful strong and only you can control how someone treats you. Smile and make today a strong day. I stand behind you i send you love. Good luck be strong.

I finally left the third time I tried. It was very difficult, but in the end I realized my kids and I deserved better. I look back now and can't figure out why I did not leave sooner. That's my only regret - I should have never come back the first time. It only got worse, verbally and physically. The turning point was went he strangled me and really hurt me one time while the kids were trapped in a hot car. It took me seven more months to finally plan and leave, but it was totally worth it. Stay strong and leave as soon as you are ready and can leave safely. It will be very hard, but I promise you won't regret it.

speechless you are not alone.i feel the same way.i just cant seem to get the strength to end it once and for all.i feel like i keep asking for it by going back,thinking this time will be different.but it never is.i just want my old life back the way it used to be.im constantly being accused of cheating and lieing.and all i,ve ever done was love him and our kids.i dont know what i did to deserve any of the abuse.thats the worst part is trying to understand something i cant fix.

When you're being accused of things, can you see, it has more to do with the person you're with and how little they feel towards themself than it has to do with what it is you're doing wrong?

Some people go to the gym and take out their frustrations.

With DV it's a different type of gym. It's a free membership lying smack dab center in the home front. But it's also something that can be cancelled at any time.

It's up to you to be the coach. As hard as it might seem, you really have more control than what you think

ok so I guess there is some other people who are still in the situation as I am. As for the always being accused of lying and cheating, I am right there as well. It is a vicious cycle and I am constantly having to reassure him of my love for him.

When you're being accused of things, can you see, it has more to do with the person you're with and how little they feel towards themself than it has to do with what it is you're doing wrong? YESSS!!! Wednesday when my husband was in his drunk rage I was thinking exactly this when he was saying things that were suppose to be about me.