BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Hi I'm New But Looking for Help

i guess this isn't the place for me.. 84 views and no help.

I hope you are still reading. I just found this forum myself.I first want to say you are definitely not overreacting. Choking is definitely abuse and it will escalate. My husband started off choking me for just seconds in the beginning. I brushed it off, diminished it. Over the course of a year and a half, the choking got longer until I thought he was going to kill me. We were in a parking lot at a club. It was my birthday and he flipped out because some guy was lying to him about sleeping with me. I had never met the guy in my life and from what my husband (then boyfriend) knew about me, he should have known the guy was lying. Well, it blew up. He was on top of me choking the life out of me beside my car. My friend ran to get a bouncer and with my eyes rolling in the back of my head I saw them running to me in the distance. The bouncer kicked my husband off me. I am certain that if he wouldn't have come, I would be dead right now. The crazy thing is, when he was handcuffed in the police car, I was sitting on the ground crying and begging them not to arrest him... He moved out of our house for three days. He begged to come back, promised not to do it again and quit drinking liquor. I thought he had changed. Nearly 4 years later and no abuse, we got married and pregnant. 4 mos. into the pregnancy, it started again only there was no escalation phase, it started out full-blown. All this to say, take this abuse seriously. Even if things are good for awhile, he is who he is and that is an abuser. Don't let your child grow up and witness the abuse, the disrespect, the dysfunional family. I witnessed my mom being abused, thought I would never allow a man to put his hands on me, but I fell into the same cycle. Show your child the type of person you want them to be. I wish you the best and hope you will post again. I think a lot of people view posts without responding because they are looking for advice and help themselves. Let us know how things go please.

Hi speechless,

I hope and feel you may come back at some point. I'm really hopeful though that you do. It may take some time. I understand that.

I'm just going to come out and say this and hopefully it will just be what it is, but with more power to you.

I think you were around 20 or so? I may be wrong. I'm almost twice that age and I've noticed changes in forums.
Not just here, but in general. Just to let you know it isn't you o.k.? Please believe that. This is a supportive community. You can come here for help!

We're in a society at this time that is pushing so much politeness and tolerance that anything negative or "racy," even saying what you think, has people chosing primarily to discuss happy topics or what have you. Safe??? Maybe that's a better word.

Domestic violence isn't a pleasant thing. It's down right horror-filled. Please keep coming back.

Also. It's the tail end of summer. SOOooo, everyone is or a lot of people are getting away from the computer to take in the last of summer or preparing to get their families ready for school. So it's slow. Really slow. It will pick back up in later winter and fall.

The poster before me. Listen to her. She's dead on with her experience. It made me think that I wish violence was looked at like a character flaw. My reasoning for that is, you actually feel guilty for calling someone an abuser. It's very hard to say when you love and hope through that love that someone changes.

If you could just look at it like someone who farts at the dinner table and you're really quite grossed out by that, I think it would be just so much easier to leave. It's a habit you don't have to live with.

Get out of this relationship, next time he strangles you he could kill you, then who will look after your child! It happened to me, I got rid of him!

Best wishes

Don't be discouraged if you write here and no one answers. Sometimes people just don't know what to say or how to react. Sometimes it triggers memories for people and they have to back away from what they are reading.

Speechlesss, you are not "over reacting" at all and you need to react now and listen to Linda.

There is no sweet, nice, polite, or subtle way to put it: Save yourself and your baby and get away from that man.

Sleeplesss, does this guy have legal rights to enter your home? Is he on the lease? If the answer to these two questions is no, then can you afford to have the locks changed and safety locks put on your doors?

Then if the guy comes and gets angry because he cannot get in, call the police immediately. Tell the police your fears and how he has been abusing you.

Do you have neighbors you can run to, if need be, for help?

It is not only you who is in danger, it is your baby. Do what you can to get this man out of your life as soon as possible. Do not be afraid to use legal processes. Social services may be able to help with financial aide if you need it.

Please keep in touch to let us know how you and baby are.

I deleted all the posts that were not relevant to the original post. End of grammar debate please. This is the domestic violence forum, not to come and critique how people write. Thank you.

well said Jeanette and I still stand by what I said... GET RID OF HIM!