BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Advice for CF only child/CF girl from small family

Hi Ya'll! This is my first post, and I am so glad I found this forum. I am a happily married CF girl living in Birmingham, AL, and not one of my friends or coworkers is or plans to be CF. I am having a very hard time finding support, and I find myself having fleeting moments where I want a child even though my heart, personality, and lifestyle are agaist it. I think I would feel better if I wasn't an only child or had a larger family with a lot of kids. Then at least I could have the opportunity to be the cool aunt. But unfortunately, I will never have that opportunity and keep picturing myself as a lonely old woman! I am terrified of being lonely if I were to lose my DH or mom. Do any of you fight these feelings? Loneliness is not a reason to have children (I am so thankful to have this foresight), but it is very difficult not to give in, especially where I live. I am very grateful to my DH and mom because they support my CF decision, but for some reason I feel like I'm still on the fence. Please help!

Hi there Southern Girl! I'm anything BUT CF but used to post in this forum a good bit and your user name caught my eye..what with my also being a southern girl.

You are absolutely right that fear of loneliness is no reason to have children because there is no guarantee that you would give children who want to buddy around with their parents when they are grown. Some of my friends are very tight with their moms but I have just as many that visit their parents maybe once or twice a year.

To have babies for any reason other than for the reason of nurturing THEM and then setting them free may be setting yourself up for a major disappointment.

Southern Girl, I can relate to your situation quite a bit, although I am not an only child. I don't have any close friends or coworkers who are CF and plan on staying CF. I understand that temporary occasional feeling.....it's really like peer pressure - "everyone else is doing it". Sometimes it feels lonely being the only CF one around, but I find that it's getting easier. Any time I'm surrounded by people talking about their kids or how they want to have kids, I try to listen but usually just drift off in thought about all of the things I'm enjoying in life because I do not have kids. I don't mean to ignore them, it's just that I really am not interested in the conversation and so I have a hard time paying attention. I'm sure some people may think I'm rude for not paying attention to them, but I'm sure they'd consider that much more polite than me talking out loud about how wonderful it is to be CF. It's great that your DH and your mom are both supportive of your choice! Just keep an eye and ear open and you may find some others who are CF and can start new friendships. In the meantime, you can always find like minds on this forum :-)

Hi Southern Girl! Welcome! You found a great place here. I can so relate. I'm from KY originally and now live in the midwest and it's not very progressive or open to non-traditional ways of life. i.e. not having kids! It's hard when you are always surrounded by the traditional way of life. Luckily, someone in my city recently started a No Kidding group--a group of like-minded people who don't want kids. I looked on the website and it lists all the chapters. Looks like there's one right near the MS/AL line? Not sure how far away that is from you, but maybe you can join and once a month or so you can join the group in whatever they're doing. In the meantime, keep posting! :)

Hi SouthernGirl,

Behold another southern girl with your same concerns and worries! I'm not an only child, but I have a brother who will probably never marry and a sister-in-law that is mentally handicapped. As I tell my friends, it would be "up to me" to produce the next generation, and I too have never deeply desired having children. As you know, this region is such a tough place to live in and not want to have children. Let me know if you can locate a "No Kidding" chapter in Alabama. Like you, I need the company of like minds to share my feelings with.