BellaOnline Forums Money Charity Do you give money to bums?

My boyfriend told me a bum came up to him the other day outside the store where he shops for groceries after work some days and asked him for $5.

He says the guy stunk like alcohol so he offered to buy him a sandwich. The walked into the store together and then the guy says wait I'm gonna go get some chips. He told the guy not to push his luck.

Can you believe this guy? The nerve of asking for so much and then trying to take more than what is being offered. I wonder how many bums get away with this kind of thing.

It's something that happens a lot. that's the price of helping others, it's you who has to be in control. if you don't then they will.

Money? No. Fruit? Yes. I usually keep apples or oranges in my knapsack. If someone is truly destitute for food, the fruit is welcome. Should it be refused, I merrily go on my way. I don't give $ hand outs. I'll offer to teach a skill or give a piece of fruit but throwing money at someone or something, doesn't make the root of the problem go away. Never does, never will.

I definitely like the food idea. I do have to say though that there are lots and lots of soup kitchens out there. Usually I see panhandlers in a city where I know there is a good soup kitchen. So I have to wonder why they are asking for food when it's right there.

If it was someone in a rural community where they don't have a soup kitchen then I might take the request more seriously.

In terms of why they press, my sociology teachers would say that they have been trained by their situation that this is the best path to success. That is, let's say they never press for more. Then they never get more. However if they do press for more each time, let's say it only works 20% of the time. But that's 20% more free stuff, for zero effort. So each time it works they are trained to keep doing it.

It's like a kid who whines for treats. If the mother never says yes, the kid will give up. It's a proven failure (and might get the mom angry with them too). But let's say 20% of the time the mom gives in and gives a treat. This tells the kid to keep doing it! If they get success a full 20% of the time, what do they have to lose? If they never ask, they'll never get anything.

I have never given out money to a homeless person or bum. I have given food to two men who asked for help - one was an elderly man sitting by the freeway hitching a ride and the other was a handicapped young veteran who was hungry.

What I did was to go to a fast food place, got coffee and a good sandwich, then drove back to where I saw the guy and gave him the bag of food. I only did this twice in my life and both times the guys were very nice and appreciative.

About two years ago my grandson and I wanted to go to Burger King for lunch. I did not have a car, so we walked the four blocks to get there. After we finished eating and went outside, this young man in his twenties got out of a really nice sporty car, approached us and asked me for money to buy lunch with. He said he was really hungry. My grandson, then 10, looked at the guy and said, "Dude! You are standing there with a new haircut, a leather jacket, designer jeans and tennis shoes, have a nice car - and you are asking my Grandma for money. Get a job!, man."

I was so proud of Grandson. We just walked away as the guy turned to the next possible hand-out.

I have heard that a lot of people, especially men, have quit their jobs to pan-handle and make more money than when they worked.

I've given money to a few homeless ppl, there was one guy in the train station, and he looked so ill and helpless - I think he was on heroin - I gave him some money because I felt sorry for him. I've given money to alcoholics before, I sort of wish they'd say it was for drugs or drink though. I've known a few alcoholics so I relate to their pain and I feel pity on them. I've given homeless people food as well before - they've never not taken it.

There's this one homeless guy that lives in my city that has a bad rep - he came up to me one day and asked for money and I said I didn't have any, so he said he could hear the change in my pocket and that I was lying - he was really threatning though - so if I recall, I gave him some change. If I see him now, I just ignore him and walk away if he approaches me.

Mostly, I feel sorry for ppl in those predicaments, but they can come on too strong and be a bit scary too. I've known homeless ppl personally and they've been given apartments, but they just can't not live on the street - two ppl I knew of gave up their places and went back to the streets.

I agree completely that it bothers me a lot when people who have luxury items ask for money. There are stories in the media about women with Coach bags going to food stamp places. They can sell the bag. That's a luxury item. They need, in my opinion, to get their priorities straightened out.

When I worked at a large urban high school, kids were always asking me for money. I never gave them any. If they needed a school supply or some food, I would get it for them. I supplied peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast every day. There was real whole wheat bread, peanut butter, and jelly. If the kids cleaned up after themselves, it stayed. The minute it started looking crummy, and I had to clean up, the food was gone for two weeks. Clean-up wasn't a problem, because they knew that I was serious about their responsibilities.

Supplies, yes! Money, no way.

Connie -

That was very sweet of you, to help them stay fed. Some children come from abusive families where they simply are not cared for. Hopefully we as a society are getting better at spotting those kinds of issues, but it still happens of course. I do have to say that, in the US, we are doing far better than say in the 1800s with having at least options for people who are starving. It wasn't that long ago that a person could starve in the street and there was no choice for them.

No, I won't give money to bums. I will offer to buy them some food. Usually they decline.