BellaOnline Forums Family Adolescence Would You Say Something?

So, my girls and I went to the pool this afternoon. While we were floating around with our noodles, there were three middle school aged girls (12-13 years old) floating near us talking. Two of them were quite thin and the other was larger. She reminded me of myself at her age--big enough to feel too big, but not really fat.

Anyway, the bigger girl was talking to her friends about wanting to fit into a dress. She said she was going to start eating one time a day. They all were discussing which meal that should be, and decided on dinner so her parents wouldn't notice she'd stopped eating.

I wasn't sure what to say or do. They weren't close enough for me to intervene quietly, plus there were a ton of kids around us.

Later, as I was leaving the pool, the three girls were buying popcorn at the snack shack. The girl was talking about the dress again--now it was obvious it's a formal gown she wants to wear to her prom--which is easily 5 years away. And also her graduation from high school. The dress is a size 3. This time it was just us and me, since Adrienne and Ruby stayed to swim more, so I asked her how old she was.

Twelve.

I smiled at her and told that I thought she was completely awesome the way she was and to remember she would probably grow six inches before prom, and when the time came she should get the most perfect dress in a size that would fit her.

I embarrassed her. She just kind of said, 'oh' and blushed and went off with her friends. In retrospect, I hope it was the kind of embarrassed where she'll remember later that someone said she was awesome. I'm not sure I did the right thing. What would you do in this situation? Would you say something?

How could there be anything wrong with telling someone they look awesome? You seem to have taken a perfect approach. I think most girls have trouble accepting a compliment though.

It takes courage to plant a seed.
It is sad that she was thinking and planning for something that was years away.
I hope your seed will bloom.

Hello to all,

I think you did a really nice thing, most girls at twelve are shy with others and always embarrassed. Don't judge that embarrassment with that of someone older.

We went through a stage of school around then where as long as we were with some one and blushingly said the word "Creep" we got through the embarrasement more easily! Go figure!

I am sure her Mom would have thanked you for that little action which may bear big big rewards for that child. To repeat, I think you did a great thing and I would have done the same for sure BTW.

Cheers
Lestie

As a child, I always felt fat. My stomach was rounded, and my chin was slightly double. That was just my build. However, looking at pictures from a distance of 50 years, I am struck by how thin I was. Sometimes perception is powerful. I always felt fat.

In her later years, my mother told me how I had a cute figure as a teen. The only time that I felt it was cute was the first half of my senior year. I had lost weight and was very thin.

That was a good act you did Shaunta. If that girl was my daughter, I would have liked to have someone do that to her.

Thanks for the responses everyone. I actually had the girl who was working in the snack shack, who is my older daughter's best friend, come by the house and tell me that she was really glad I spoke up. And that it affected her as well. So I'm very happy I did.

Shaunta, I think what you said to that young girl was a random act of kindness -- something we all too often do not see much of these days. Good for you.

My daughter, between the ages of 9 - 12, was bigger than most of her friends. She was not fat, just bigger. She was very self conscious about that. One day, she came home from school just glowing. I asked her if she had a secret to share and she said one of the teachers at school told her she (my daughter) was a very pretty young lady. This compliment stayed with my daughter for a long time and gave her courage to just be herself.

When a parent tells their daughter she is pretty, it is an expected and ok thing to the child -- yet when someone else tells her, it is an extraordinary spirit lifter.

Well done!