BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Coming back to our childfree life

My husband and I are foster parents, and we have recently decided to close our fostering doors. We do not have any children of our own. I feel very relieved over this decision. A lot of stress & weight is floating off my shoulders. We are strong enough people to say that parenting is just not for us. We take good care of the kids, show them lots of love, and give them a good home, but, to be honest, I just don't think we really 'enjoy' it. And I think it is very important to enjoy ones life. And I think we can do that, and still 'give back' to society, in another way. I would love to be a person that can be there for a child that needs a good adult role model, but still enjoy our childfree life at the same time. So we may start taking part in the big brother/sister program, becuase we enjoy taking kids out to places like the zoo, like we did today for our foster kids, but we also like to be able to take them to their home and then go crash at ours, after a big outing. So hubby and I had a talk tonight, after the kids went to bed, and we decided to call DSHS to find new placement for these children and close our doors for good, to fostering. We haven't had these children but a short time, so the good part about this is that they haven't attached to us, and the move shouldn't be to hard on them. I just hope they are moved together, as they are siblings. So I'll be back soon....childfree...but still envolved. :-) Hope

It's a wise person who knows what they are capable of doing. It sounds like you are very self-aware.

I agree with the above poster. I hope that you can still be in contact with the kids.

I really think this is the right move for us. We have fostered 9 children, which has reassured us that the childfree lifestyle is what suits us best. (which is also better for the children, to go to a home that loves having children around 24/7) Maybe if we were younger, we would be able to enjoy it more. But being in our mid 40's, our minds are already in the 'empty' nester mode, and our thoughts are more on weekend getaways, wine tastings, and home improvements, rather than pullups and summer camps. Their are other ways to give back to society, and be involved. I'm looking forward to taking part in the big brother/big sister program. (and possibly offering repsite care to other foster parents that need a break) cheers, Hope

UPDATE: We have actually decided to only have the foster child that was causing some stressful issues removed, and we kept our current placment, that we have bonded with pretty well, and we are both excited about that. We believe this child enjoys being with us. After the child, that was causing issues between us, was removed, my husband and I both walked to each other, took our hands into one anothers, smiled... and I wispered "we only have 'Annie' now"..., and he nodded and we jumped up & down quietly. So it wasn't really the fact of having children, it was actually just the one child that was causing issues between us. I think our current placement is going to workout really well, because we both enjoy this child being around. Sure we are giving up quite a bit, from not having a 'childfree' live any longer, but there are also pro's to it as well, and our smiles were proof of that, once the child that was causing issues, was put into a new placement. So I'll be on the other message boards, of relationships, since we no longer qualify for this one, but I hope you'll check in every now and then to stay in touch and see how things are going. Enjoy the summer, Hope

Wait, didn't you say they are siblings? You are splitting up siblings whom you had hoped would remain together in the future?

Wow. Yeah. I wished you would have given them both up instead of separating them. I feel bad for the "problem" child. I hope you thought long and hard about the future consequences of your action. I can only imagine what kind of message this child would be receiving. Not only was he ripped from his sibling he probably feels he isn't good enough and that it was his fault. I can't even imagine what they've been through already.

This one action might be a turning point in his young life. I hope his future is better than what I can imagine what might happen to him. God bless him I hope he gets the help and love he will desperately need. I hope the siblings can be reunited sooner than later.

Just so you all know... these 2 children did not even know about each other until we took them in, weeks apart. I don't even think they really believe us when we tell them they are related. Well...the 3yr old is to young to even understand what we are talking about when we tell him this 7yr old girl, that he's never met, is his sister. BUT: Just so you are not worried, I will let you know that we have made great progress with both children and decided to keep them both, and proceed with the foster-to-adopt. We have all started to feel attachement, and bonding with one another, so we decided to keep all 4 of us together as a complete family. I should not have said the one was a "problem" child, b/c she really isn't. It just took time to adjust from being our 'only child (she was placed with us first), to all of a sudden having a little brother, that she never knew about. We thought we had to seperate them b/c she kept trying to hurt him. But she has since stopped, and we are building a good sibling relationship with them. However, there are other family members of the oldest child, that have come forth, and are fighting for custody of her, but do not believe that the brother is 'family', so they do not want him. (the children both have different dads) I'm not sure what is going to happen now. Judges like to see siblings stay together, and since we are willing to adopt both, he may rule in our favor. But we were told since these siblings have never known each other, and are not attached, the ruling could still go the other way. I am on the parenting site, under relationships now, b/c we are keeping the children, and no longer live childfree. We are very happy with our decision. thanks, Hope

Sometimes kids just get into your heart and squeeze. If you are able to adopt these kids, there will be times that you long for your child free lifestyle. Parenting is hard work! You will wish for peace and quiet. They will test your patience. There will be at least one time a week that you will just want to be finished with parenthood. However, your life will be richer and more full of opportunities to learn than you ever imagined.

If you find out that one or both of them have ADD, roll on by the ADD site on BellaOnline, and drop me a line.

Best to you,
Connie

Sometimes kids just get into your heart and squeeze. If you are able to adopt these kids, there will be times that you long for your child free lifestyle. Parenting is hard work! You will wish for peace and quiet. They will test your patience. There will be at least one time a week that you will just want to be finished with parenthood. However, your life will be richer and more full of opportunities to learn than you ever imagined.

If you find out that one or both of them have ADD, roll on by the ADD site on BellaOnline, and drop me a line.

Best to you,
Connie