BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Brother's pregnant girlfriend

My brother and his girlfriend are having a baby. Problem is they can barely afford to support themselves. His girlfriend is only 3 months pregnant. She is already registered for baby gifts. Then my Mom is asking what we should do for her shower, like where we should have it etc. I feel like a horrible person, but I'm so not in the mood for this. I think it's terrible they're having a baby they cannot afford. I think it's annoying that she's registering for gifts already. The whole registering thing drives me nuts...it's like I can't afford a baby so everyone buy me presents. Then on top of that I have to chip in for the shower. Anyone else out there get annoyed by baby showers and the gifts you have to buy?

I don't know if you could just come out and say, I can't afford anything right now as far as chipping in financially. Me personally, I hate showers. It's like raking fingernails across a chalkboard and people are hoping to get as many things as possible for free.

If they can't afford to support themselves, literally, there will be a time they'll need to check into welfare or move in with mom. Babies are great when they're on the inside, once out, the finances necessary for diapers, formula, mattresses, toilet/car seats, doctor visits, the list goes on and on.

If they make under $15,000/yr, they can qualify for food stamps and there's WIC, healthcare, food banks, clothing, and other things. I don't know what their situation is literally, but a folder with these resources actually may come in handy, especially when the reality sets in and on maybe 3 hrs of sleep if that per night. This way it would be right there for them.

Well...sad as it may be..I think most people can never afford their first child. That's just life. And maybe she did register for gifts a little to early, but unlike 'us', people who are not interested in having kids, other people who are interested, get really excited about it. Right now she is seeing this through fairytale glasses. Once the sleepless nights hit, she'll be thrown into reality and start experiencing postpartum depression, because she will realize her life will never be the same So let her be excited for now. Just b/c we don't get excited over babies, doesn't mean that others don't. But be upfront with your Mom and tell her you just don't want to spend a lot of money for a baby shower right now. Trust me...I feel your pain. :-) Good luck to you, Hope

Showers are a popular topic on here! I say showers are supposed to be a trade off yes everyone buys you gifts for your wedding then when any of them get married you are supposed to get them a gift to "repay" them. With babies, however it's different for those of us who don't want kids. However, if my sister was struggling in a monetary sense, I might not approve of her getting pregnant, but I'd sure as hell want to help out with some special gifts.

most people I know were able to support their first child, but in the case of those that aren't it's the child, the parents, and the family who pays the price for the rest of their lives...sad, and preventable!

Hi,love106.Thank you for sharing the story. I think before the baby was born, your brother should make his efforts to solve these problems.Maybe he can consider looking for a better job to support the family of three people.After all, we should try our best to give our baby a better life.

Everything will be ok, No pains no gains...We all must be stronger and stronger..

Hi love106, I agree it is difficult - especially when it comes to family having kids, and maybe they expect others to help pay for things.
If it IS family, or close friends, I get pleasure in buying a gift for the birth, BUT I don't spend much, as we don't have alot of disposable income now.
The nice thing is, too, as I get older I don't stress over not spending a huge amount, nor help chip in at other times.
I take pleasure from their happiness at having what they want, but don't ( and won't ) feel pressured into helping them out financially with their life choice. ( unless I had a few spare thousand or so lying about my bank account !! )

Sooo just say what your budget is, and don't feel pressured into spending more. If your mum is talking about a certain venue, let her foot the bill, if it's really expensive.
Good luck - let us know how it goes !

Well I see it this way, baby showers are expectant mothers way of getting not only gifts, but being showered with all that attention. They surround themselves with baby-centric people and they all talk about children and the "miracle" of childbirth and all that [censored]. I was forced to go to my cousins baby shower, to which I sat over in a corner with my NDS in hand, and my headphones on my head. When mom finally made me put it all away, I nearly went mad listening to yammer about children. Then I was asked by all my cousin's wife's sisters why I didn't have kids, or when I was going to have kids.

I thought I'd slapped them in the face when I said "I don't want kids" and they stared at me like I'd lost it entirely. To which I got "why? children are great!" and to which I answered "Yeah if you're rich and can afford a Nanny". They kinda excluded me from the conversation after that, and I went back to my NDS and music to drown it out. I'm not a social butterfly anyways, so showers, birthday parties and the like is generally just a huge pain in my side.

I figure it this way, I'm mostly honest and if people hate me for it, no loss to me.

Hi everyone! Thank you for all the feedback. The latest on this is that my Mom and sister are searching for the perfect restaurant to have the shower. My sister said she's chipping in $300.00 and I guess I'm expected to do the same. Then on top of that I have to buy a gift. So I guess I will be spending at least $500.00 to $600.00. Oh well what can I do. My husband is mad that they're insisting on a restaurant...he doesn't understand why the party cannot be held at my parents house. I'm in a situation that I'm not going to win. It's just amazing to me that in our society you can get pregnant, register for all the gifts you want and have a party thrown for you.