BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Should I feel guilty?

I will be 36yrs old in August. I am a single mother to an 18yr old son, who was born 2 months before I turned 18 myself. My whole life has been spent living with my mother so I would have help raising my son. Now that he will be going to college this fall, I am ready to move on and have a life of my own. However, my mother has gotten so used to me paying ALL the bills, she doesn't want me to leave. She has her own income and I have always let her do what she wanted as long as she helped with my son. She is going around to different family members saying how I'm abandoning her after all she's done for me. I try to tell her how much I appreciate everything, but I'm ready for a life of my own. I don't know how to handle this. Should I feel guilty?

Guilty? ... no. Actually, what you are not yet aware of is you and your mother will likely be dealing with the same issue in short order. Your mother is dealing with separation anxiety. Her's is coming on quicker than yours will because she has already experienced stages of this. It is completely natural.

Suggested approaches:
Set a tea date
Go shopping
Have a girl's night out
Take in a movie

I'd suggest starting off once a week. It is important to keep the date and not to blow each other off. This is where strong relationships can transfer into a life long friendship. Acknowledge your mother's fear/concern. It's a bumpy transition period for mom's. Be attentive to her feelings as you would want her to be attentive to yours. The chances are you will also be needing similar comfort in the near future.

Guilt is toxic and has no place in a loving relationship. You and your mother will do just fine and with proper encouragement you both will blossom and grow into a new, deeper, appreciation of each other.

Blessings that your friendship takes root as prolifically as your parent/child relationship. And, congratulations on your son's achievements! What a blessed time in your life - positively exciting!

As Deb says above, you should not feel guilty. Your mother is simply going through the 'bereavement process' that every parent experiences when their child leaves home. You are simply moving from a room under the same roof to a room under a different roof. The mother-daughter Bond of Love is very strong. Remember that the feelings you both have are just temporary. (JOY)

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel guilty. It is just the normal anxiety Moms feel when children leave home. When we left our hometown, my own mom was very sentimental. Even now, when she writes me, she always let out her sadness for us siblings being so far away. Don't blame her and reach out to her always.