BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Grieving for our precious dog

Since I lost my little boy, my father and and my grandmother, I thought I was all grieved out. I was done with grief. It hurts too much and leaves me a withered shell of a person.

So imagine my surprise and shock that when we had to put down our beloved border collie of 14 years, I lost it all over again. He was more than a pet to us. Sounds cliche to say he was like a family member but he was. He grew up with my kids, and nearly all of their childhood memories include him. A remarkable animal with keen intelligence and a human-like personality.

In any case, I just can't seem to stop thinking about him, and I am so so so sad even though I know he is in a better place now. I'm so sad with all this separation from those I love.

How can we live happily here when half of our hearts are in another realm?

My heart goes out to you, Lori. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your beloved dog, on top of everything else.

I don't know if it helps to know you're not alone...but you aren't. I've written several articles on coping with pet loss, and those are by far the most popular. We pet lovers lose a bit of our hearts when we lose our animals...and we never completely recover. The pets I've loved and lost are still with me, as vivid now as they were the day I lost them.

One thing that helped me is to hold on to the idea that my lost pets wouldn't want me to be thinking of them with pain, regret, guilt, or sadness. Rather, they'd want me to remember them with love, joy, happiness, and a sense of peace that we'll be reunited one day.

Here's my most popular article, which has over 160 comments from people who are grieving the loss of their dogs. Many of my readers say it helps to read the stories of other pet lovers, because it shows them they're not alone. That can be very comforting.

http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/when-your-dog-dies-tips-for-healing-from-pet-owners/

In sympathy,
Laurie

Oh Lori I am so sorry, I had no idea you had lost your son, I knew your daughter was sick. And as for your dog, I know how that feels. They are in a better place and God is with them.

Live for the moment Lori, and try not to be sad. God is with you.

Linda

Lori, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can so empathize with you. When I lost my little Boomer, an Australian Silky Terrier, I was devastated. People who have dogs they love understand the heartbreak of loss.

One thing that really helped me when Boomer died, was to make a scrapbook all about him. I added prayers and poems I wrote, little stickers, stories, anything to do with Boomer -- and of course, many, many pictures of him alone or with the family throughout the book.

I love to go through the book once in a while and reflect on memories and all the joy Boomer gave us. He is a much loved little guy.

I know exactly what you are going through.

We lost our two beloved kitties within 8 months of each other. One had a horrible mass in her abdomen that was likely cancer. The other had lung cancer, in spite of the fact that she was an indoor cat and neither of us ever smoked.

We were heartbroken. And shocked. They were from the same litter and were only 10 and 11 when they died. We should have had so much more time.

Our house was empty for exactly two weeks. That was all we could take. We adopted two new kittens, again, sisters, and although it was rough at first (they can never replace what you've lost) eventually we fell in love with them and our broken hearts started to mend.

The only thing you can do is feel the grief as it comes, don't try to fight it, and when you're ready, go looking for your next perfect dog. He or she is out there, and needs you as much as you need them.

Hang in there! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more -- I still cry sometimes when I think of our two ladies. We lost them in December 2009 and August 2010.

Kim

Thank you all so much. It does help to know that others understand my pain. Once, a neighbor said that dogs were just "dumb animals" and she could not believe how people could get attached to not just dogs but even pet rats (we had a pet rat.) She said that if she had a pet rat that was ill, she would not take it to the vet but just "wring its little neck."

Anyway, Phyllis, that is a great idea about the scrapbook. I will definitely do that. I already feel a sense of joy as I imagine compiling it.

Oddly, I cannot seem to complete my son's scrapbook. It still brings me deep pain to sort through the pictures. I just want to step through each one to hug and kiss him, and if I could, I would...

I am so sorry for ALL your losses. I too have written about the loss of a dog -- it IS a family member that you have lost.

I do think that tributes and scrapbooks help you sort through it, that's why I wrote that article -- a way of working through it.

I fortunately have not yet had to deal with the loss of non-pet family members, not since my grandparents died MANY years ago -- so there I can only imagine that it is extremely difficult. My heart aches for you and my prayers will be with you.

Anne

Lori, there is no panacea for the aching heart of a mother who has lost a child. It takes time, so much time, to get to a place where we are able to put together all the memories in one place. Until we can do that, those memories are scattered throughout our lives. They come to us at odd moments, unexpected times, or right in the middle of a celebration of joy.

Do you have all of your beloved son's pictures in one place? If they are all in the same box or drawer, it may help to know you can pull them to you all at once when you need to. A scrapbook, or memory journal, will come to you when the time is right. Do not force it -- the spirit of your beloved son will help you when you are ready.

Much love and many hugs to you.

Some of his photos are in my bedroom, next to my bed, on the bookshelf. I like to see his smiling face everywhere. But when it comes time to compile a scrapbook and to add some journaling and emotion, that's when I stop.

He is a joy to us still and we speak of him daily with great love, laughter and joy. But for some reason, it's that darned scrapbook that I have a hard time with.

Thank you all for sharing about your loves. Please do tell me about your special animal/pet relationships and post pics if you can! I love those and reading about your loving pets makes me feel much better.