BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What do you do with your time?

Also, I'm not married (even though it's "Married No Kids" on this forum). In a 1.5 yr relationship but not living together (yet). At least some/most of you all seem to have marriage as a thing you've accomplished. Not that it's the end all, be all. But it's another thing I haven't done. Some days I don't even know if that's for me either?! I think I think too much. ;) Anyway, thanks again.

I remember when I was younger, in between boyfriends, and would look at married people with kids and think 'they must be so happy ! I wish I was married ' ( I always presumed I would have kids, but never really gave it much thought )

Well, as I got older I could see the huge negative with having kids, and now I'm married, there are pros and cons to that too.
I love him, surely, but have just spent the last 4 days or so with him in a mood because his best cooking pan is kaput - and of course it's my fault...I'm sure an 8 yr old would have come out of it by now !

So please don't look at marriage as an accomplishment, gogirl - I now see life as a constantly moving see saw that you have to keep tweeking, and shifting and pushing, and no matter how hard you try, the ups will come, as surely as the downs - no matter what your 'status'.

I presumed being married with kids was an accomplishment too, in a way, beforehand, because you get the same smug comments from other marrieds as you do from people with kids - 'you'll find love one day etc etc. ' ' you too will have the wondrous joy that is children' as they look adoringly at their monster offspring kicking two shades of blue out of the cat.

I have great times being married, but I remember great times being single, and I think the biggest problem is the expectation of society - when you grow up you'll get married and have kids.

I wonder if this whole presumption will change in the future.
Perhaps as divorce is becoming more widespread, and more people are choosing not to have kids our whole idea of society will change. hmm. not in our lifetime though ?

I'd like to echo everyone who says it's not a busy-ness competition..... there is no virtue in a packed calendar. If your friends with children find fulfillment in their lives, great. But what's important for you is to know what gives you fulfillment, and pursue a life charactarized by whatever that is, even if it doesn't appear important through someone else's eyes. Children or none, we all have to live with ourselves and with a little work hopefully we can enjoy it.

Hey GoGirl, I totally get what you are talking about! Not just as a childfree person but in general. I think there is a "busy-ness" competition going around... A lot of people seem to wear the fact they are overstressed and overworked as a badge of honour - like your life can't be that important if you're not working yourself into the ground. I have a job which is important, that I love, where I get to make a difference and help people - but it's not the be-all and end-all of my life, and one of the reasons I love it is because it's a great lifestyle with lots of time off and downtime on the job as well. Sometimes I still feel guilty about this but I try consciously to get rid of these feelings - I have made my choices in life like everybody else - if they are overworked and overstressed, it's because they choose to be! And I have a right to my free time and to just BE. In some ways, I think this is a fallout from the neo-liberal economic system we are living under - that we all have to constantly PRODUCE and CONSUME, otherwise we don't exist. Well, bugger that! :D

The whole "business competition" isn't in my imagination??? oh, good! I believe that for some people, they genuinely cannot function without a packed full schedule. Others, however, wear their frazzled lives as sort of a badge of honor making those of us who "stop and smell the roses sometimes feel inadequate. Last week and acquaintance said to me, "Oh, you work part time? me too. i really like it, and im so tired of people asking me if im bored." As for these people with bursting schedules: That would make me crazy, I'm sure certain people look at me and think, "She's lazy what does she do with her time." I could care less though. I love having the time to read, and whip up special treats, and pursue hobbies, take a class, etc. There will be people who judge regardless of your lifestyle. I will NEVER apologize for how I have lived. And I certainly wouldnt want to live according to anothers' values!

Replying to: "Do you ever feel you need to do more and prove yourself to others b/c you have no kids?" No way. When you are true to yourself and the decisions you've made for your life, you should never, ever, ever feel the need to "prove" anything to anybody just because you don't have kids. Be content and confident in the decisions you make. It's all good.