BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Sometimes I feel like such an outsider!

It's like this my family is wonderfully supportive as as my husband. However, I'm just not into the things that many of my peers seem to be. Truth be told I like who I am for the most part, it would just be nice to have some friends that I have more in common with. My friends are either soccer moms or soccer moms in training. If we do things at someones house I usually enjoy myself. however, my one friend has the whiniest son on earth...lol. They invite me out to the bar or club, It's either that or they want to go to the casino or some steakhouse. I don't drink alcohol, gamble, or eat meat. They invited me out tonight and I declined.I know they're talking about what a b!@#$ I am. Even sports which they're all into. If sports ceased to exist, I'd be more than content.

In spite of this post there are many things I like to do! I love reading, the theater to see dance performances, hiking, yoga, massage, the beach,I'd love to take a cooking class, or do pottery, or learn to sew! I'm also one who loves snuggling with my hubby and a good movie. Am I just a big weirdo?

Youre not a weirdo at all! Or if you are then I am too because I love all those things as well. Why can't more people be like us?! :) Hang in there. Maybe join a book club or take a class! You'll find some kindred spirits; it just takes some work. Take care~

Thanks, Gogirl. What exactly is a book club? Maybe I will join a yoga class on a weekday morning or something! That's a great idea. I have a friend who teaches but she's been busy planning a wedding and I haven't seen her.I used to study privately with her just for a donation (she's normally very expensive!), it was great. I like my alone time, but I agree more people should be like us!

I know exactly how you feel. I think that's why alot of people have kids - so they can feel accepted, and have something in common with many other people - and their leisure time is surrounded by their need to entertain their kids, ( and by default, theirs. )
I have often looked at other groups of parents and thought how they all are having a great time with the same activity wether it's a kids party, or sport event for the kids.

the trouble is, I know I would have no interest whatsoever, and would wish I was somewhere else doing something I enjoy.

I must say, it can make you feel a bit lonely sometimes - it comes back to the perceived requirements of society, and how we are viewed as the 'outsiders' 'non conformists'. whatever way you look at it, they see us as someone not willing to 'play the game' so are viewed with mistrust, and at worse hatred.

The remedy is to try to find like minded people, childfree obviously being the best, and there are lots of us out there. BUT proportionately less than people with kids, so it makes them harder to find in our own backyards.

I have often felt like I don't fit in, but in reality, it's a common problem, no matter who you are, as we all feel our own insecurities, while others mask theirs by looking like one of the crowd - most of us don't sulk and sit in the corner if we're not enjoying ourselves, so it's hard to gauge who is actually feeling unhappy.

I suppose we could have had kids , or adopted if we'd really wanted to fit in to others expectations, but we didn't.
so while it's liberating in this day and age to follow our own path, at the same time society will always view us as the weird ones.
I know this will change in the future - not only through women choosing not to have kids, but those maybe wanting will be put off by the spiralling cost of living, and demands on the workplace.

It doesn't help in our own here and now, but at least you know you're not alone, and we're all going through the same at times. I know I would hate the casino, sports thing etc. that they want you to join in. I quite enjoy going to the pub, but get bored pretty quickly if the conversation is dull, and get desperate to leave early.
Ah, the joys of being human. just don't feel bad about yourself, and say no whenever you want to. if they are decent people they'll accept your wishes, and if not. well, pooey !

Great Post, Gaynor! See I think people that do things their own way are the coolest! I remember years ago meeting a friend's uncle who had made some great investements enabling him to quit an unfulfilling job and buy a farm which he spoke of with much joy when I met him.Sadly, a few months after we met he passed away, while farming, I believe. I really liked him, but it was obvious to me that my friend thought he was a weirdo for doing what he did and when he was alive she expressed love for him, but spoke of his live choice a bit critically. I find people who find a way out of the hum drum daily grind to be the most admirable people on earth!

Missitalia, do your friends like to dance when they go to the clubs or do they just sit there and drink themselves silly? Do you like to dance? One of my friends from university doesn't drink either, but she loves do dance so we would often go out. She would just drink non-alcoholic beverages and we'd spend lots of time on the dance floor and have a great time. Also, would your friends be willing to go out to restaurants that aren't steakhouses? You could always suggest a different restaurant. There are usually plenty of good restaurants out there with a varied menu that would have something good for everyone. I know what you mean about feeling left out sometimes as I often feel the same way. Making friends isn't easy for me so that probably doesn't help. I'm also a childfree woman with ferrets who likes to play billiards; not the most usual combination! :) Like you, I also love to read, go to the beach and the theatre and I do yoga regularly. Gogirl and Gaynor's suggestions about finding like-minded people are good ones. It's definitely challenging, but getting out there and finding groups that do things you enjoy can't hurt!

well they dance, but I personally would rather be in a different atmosphere than a club. Having to screamo over music is not fun to me lol.

I'll go ahead and preface this post by copping to the fact that I have four kids and I love being their mother. However, just having children doesn't mean that I have anything in common with other moms. I've always talked to my kids like they were much older than they are, and I don't think that my children hung the moon. My point is, there are moms who have just as much trouble connecting and who also feel lonely. I love being by myself, but I don't always love feeling like there is something wrong with me because I don't seem to have anything in common with -- anyone! I love to knit, read, watch movies, and I would rather be with my husband than anyone else.

I have been lucky to find a couple of people in my life who get me - you will, too! Whether they have children or not, there are people out there who are like you. It took me more than 30 years to find a couple of women like me, but I'm glad I didn't give up hope. Good luck! You're not weird, just discerning, and there's nothing wrong with that!

Fair enough. I can also appreciate a quiet evening catching up! :)

Thank you for your great advice. I think as CFC's we feel a certain segregation from others,and after years of being told that it's "just us who doesn't want kids" start to feel alienated. Thanks for giving a mother's perspective. I'm not going to give up, I'm going to keep being me and be open to the idea of great friendships.i should note that I am close with a few women, but I'd really like that connection.