BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Mother-in-law comment...

Comment from the MIL as my hubby and I are pulling out of her driveway after a weekend at her house/ Easter festivities: MIL: "you two be safe, and talk." Husband: "talk?" MIL: "talk about having a baby with your wife. I want a little girl and I know you would have one. Please, I want a grand daughter." REALLY??!??! (please keep in mind our no-child stance is very clear.)

Are you kidding? First of all you and your husband need to nip this in the bud immediately. it doesn't sound like MIL was being nasty, but she was definitely being rude and presumptuous. have your husband tell her, " We have talked about it mom and have arrived at a decision. "Sillyyak" would be the one carrying, birthing, and we as a couple raising the child,sending to college, etc. and therefore the decision is for us and only us to make, and we've made it.

P.S. As I'm typing the man next door is trying to calm his tantruming son and the child is screaming in his face...lol. Glad it's not me and hubby...lol.

Unfortunately we have been trying to nip this is the bud for 4 years now. We have explained in great detail our reasons for not wanting kids and she continues to press the issue. She told us yesterday she just doesn't want us to miss out on "the most rewarding thing that we can experience." I am the most pressured/ harassed by her. I usually can let the comments roll off my back but this one was said in that whining, foot-stomping, tantrum sort of way and we were both shocked. Thankfully, my husband said "I have told you were we stand in this and I'm not having this conversation with you." I couldn't say anything because my mouth was gaping opened. The most annoying part is that she has a grandson who is 2 and my husband's sister is expecting this August. She doesn't want a grand daughter, she wants to control our lives. Nottttt gonna happen!

oh, so you you've tried. Well, it may come down to your husband having to tell her if he values their relationship she will stop trying to make life decisions that aren't her's to make.

You're absolutely right. I hate to make him feel like he has to stand up to his mom... but honestly he is more annoyed and upset with the comment than I am! I understand she likes the challenge of trying to convince us we need a baby. It isn't so much a desire for another grandchild but the satisfaction she would have if she "won the battle." Too bad I'm tough. The more people pressure me about it the more it makes me think even if I ever changed my mind i still wouldn't have a kid just to prove I was right. Haha!

SillyYak, Your last comment made me laugh. I think the same thing...the more people tell me I WILL end up having them, change my mind, etc, the more I feel like revolting and not doing it. Rebellous a tad I think? But yeah, I agree...she's trying to control her son's life through your reproduction rights, and that's [censored]. Glad to hear you have a husband who can stand up to momma, even if it falls on deaf ears, instead of being a momma's boy.

Get her a puppy for mother's day dress the puppy up in cute girl dog clothes and say meet your new grandchild she can take care of it full time.

Ugh! ANY time someone tries to keep pushing me into anything (never mind the kid issue) it drives me up a wall. There are some people that just don't stop at "No" and don't understand boundaries. Your MIL sure sounds like one of them. Glad your husband had an answer for her. I think the best response is something like, "We said no, and that's the answer you're going to have to accept." or "We made our decision about this, and that's the one you have to accept." When pressed further, repeat the line again. Repeat as necessary and then cut off contact. Depending on where you are- leave the house or hang up the phone, change the subject, ask her to leave, etc."

[quote=SillyYak]Unfortunately we have been trying to nip this is the bud for 4 years now. We have explained in great detail our reasons for not wanting kids and she continues to press the issue.... I usually can let the comments roll off my back but this one was said in that whining, foot-stomping, tantrum sort of way and we were both shocked. Thankfully, my husband said "I have told you were we stand in this and I'm not having this conversation with you." [/quote] You don't need a child, you have a very childish person on your hands. I would suggest treating her like one. Put her in timeout and let her know why: "Mom, we may not have kids, but I know how I'd raise them if we did. We're going to demonstrate that on you." She's being a brat who has been told "no!" many times and now feels she has to resort to tantrums to get her way. You would have to make sure your husband is on board with this, and figure out how you'd handle situations where you can't escape her company (like family gatherings), but start with short timeouts for infractions and then extend them if it doesn't get through to her. As an adult, she needs to respect your choices. That she doesn't indicates a great deal of immaturity. I suggest treating her like the age level she acts rather than her actual biological age.

Silverwing, I brought up your idea with my husband and he thinks it is fantastic. He and I are both very passive people, I think sometimes (especially when it comes to the reproducing topic) people take advantage of this. They mistake calm, non aggressive behavior for cowardly. I chose not to yell and scream when I am offended, but inside I am boiling. Hubby and I decided next time we were in town and she mentioned anything having to do with us having children we would give her a warning. Something like "you know where we stand on this, it has not changed, it's not up for discussion. From this moment on the mention of us having a child will result in 10 minutes of not speaking to you." I think it's glorious. I can't wait to try it out (since I know the topic will come up again.) I know she thinks that her son not wanting children is my evil doing, she has said "I just know he wants kids. He is so good with kids. He loves so and so and playing with them." She also told me I was getting "up there" and it was time to start trying now. Apparently I'm 29 going on 95. God help me.