BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships friend? NOT!

I gave my friend a birthday gift, as I have for the last 3 years. She told me she "didn't want it". It "made her feel bad" and made her "feel obligated". Granted, she didn't get me a present this year, but I didn't mind. People sometimes don't if their money situation is tight, or forget or whatever. I told her that this was not an obligation, that I was giving it to her because she means something to me. That if I didn't want to or couldn't give her one, then I wouldn't, but that I wanted to, and didn't feel "obligated". She again said she didn't want it, and wouldn't even open the card. I walked away in tears, devastated that she would do this. She gave it back to me at the end of the work day, unopened. I was so filled with rage, that I crumpled up the wrapping, ripped the card into small pieces and threw it all in my garbage can, for her to see.
I can't sem to let this go. I am so hurt and angry. I hate to even talk to her, and limit my time around her now. We have to work together. I feel like our friendship was a lie. I don't like or trust her now. I really don't understand. I would NEVER treat someone like that!

Jellyfish, please don't get me wrong and please don't get mad, I could be wrong in my analysis, but could it be she might be thinking that you're kinda'tomboy?

Move on. There will be plenty more opportunities in your life to build good friendships with people who will reciprocate the value and kindness.

Coming from someone who hates getting gifts because of either the guilt that comes afterward or the obligation that is unintentionally felt, I honestly can say she isn't doing it to be malicious. She isn't. Her refusal of your gifts isn't meant to be insulting, though I can see why it is. I would sit down and talk with her. She probably feels guilty that she can't reciprocate the kindness due to financial constraints, or perhaps she doesn't want to feel indebted to you. And it is understandable that you'd be upset by her rejection, but it's time to be an adult and talk with her about why she is refusing the gifts. And if you know that a person doesn't want gifts, then why keep forcing it on her? You don't even know why she is doing it, so until you talk with her about it, throwing tantrums isn't going to get either of you anywhere.

Amber, are you saying that you would just upfront refuse even to open a card, just like that with someone? There is more to the story here I think than just a gift refusal and I admit I do not know what is going on. I find it perfectly acceptable for someone to say please do not buy me gifts, it is respectful to honor that without tantrums or hurt feelings. But her friend should have had some class as well by letting her know ahead of time that she would feel uncomfortable with it than just reject it all together after the fact. If that is the case. Who knows. I appreciate your perspective in this and agree with you totally that everyone has the right not to have a gift forced on them. I guess I see it differently from the post, like it was an all of a sudden thing out of the blue.

I agree that there is probably something more going on, but lets say there isn't. This friend asked her not to get her a gift because she doesn't want to feel obligated. And she went ahead against her wishes and got her a gift anyways. Now the friend not only feels guilty because she can't get a gift for the OP, but probably feels offended that her wishes weren't respected. We weren't there, so we don't know how she refused it (if she was calm and collected, or threw her own hissy fit), but if someone says don't get me anything, I don't. There are other ways to show affection and appreciation that don't have a monetary value. And I gathered from the OP that she does this every year, and the friend tells her not to, but she disregards it and does it anyway, and perhaps this was a breaking point for her friend. Who knows, but that was my take on her post.

I would have to agree with you then if that is the case, that the friend had told asked her not to give the gift in the first place. I guess we will have to wait for Borageflower to give us the fuller picture. In the meantime, hugs to both you and Borageflower and may everything be worked through to the best end.

*hugs* Happy Easter!