BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids The Confusion doesn't stop.

Well facebook is indeed a place of many confusions! Though it's not just facebook, phone conversations can be pretty misleading, right?

Well my issue is with both, I have a friend whom I only keep in any contact with through Facebook, we've always kept in contact through online means. Aim, Facebook, text messaging, those kinds of things. We've never met but we've known each other for many years, and I recently had a run in with her, and posted about it here. Her name is Lily, and while I've always been pretty easy going with her, it seems lately I'm starting to hate her.

It started back when I made a comment about admiring women who don't want children and can be satisfied with their lives like that. Who push forward and do everything they set out to do. Something along those lines, to this she took it as a personal attack. I told her that I think women who are independent like that I admire. She took it as I was saying she was "dependent" on her child and husband. It was really just a general statement really, and maybe it was easy to take as a personal attack. Though we all have different types of people we admire! Our parents, certain friends, we don't have to admire everyone! Just the people who inspire us.

It wasn't a serious fight, and we didn't really have any seriously harsh words between one another. It was just plainly obvious she was taking such a general statement as a personal attack when it wasn't even directed at her or anyone in particular! Geezus.

Since then she's kinda dropped off facebook, at least from my page that is. I recently finished a friendship bracelet for her, and she seemed kinda happy but not thrilled. I guess I expected a happier reaction when I showed her the final product, but she kinda blew it off.

She then announced after that she received her huge tax refund and was going to Alabama to visit family. I replied to it and wished her well but added that I wish I had the funds to travel freely being unemployed. She took that as a personal attack as well, saying that I shouldn't be jealous. Which I wasn't, I just was wishing I had a job! She knows I'm unemployed and desperately trying to find a job.

So I've stopped really saying much of anything to her, everything I say seems to [censored] her off. I posted a couple articles which I ended up having to hide from her because I know she'll only flip her lid because they were "childfree" related. Which irritates me because I shouldn't have to hide this stuff on my own page! I have a right to an opinion even if she doesn't readily agree with it. So things have kinda cooled down between us for the most part, I stay off her page, she stays off mine but we're still friends on facebook.

So recently I've been on a big yaoi kick (yaoi = comics depicting gay relationships between two men). It's always been a passion of mine, so has Anime (japanese style cartoons). There is maybe, at most 4 people in my whole facebook list who knows anything about anime, manga, or pokemon. Lily isn't one of those people.

So last night, well yesterday afternoon, I posted "When it comes to manga and anime I'm anti-hetero" and she comments "why?". Which only irritated me because she's never discussed anime or manga with me at any point in time, so what does she care if I DON'T particularly care for straight anime/manga?!

So I wrote back and said "because I prefer yaoi" and she was like "huh? lol" and I wrote back "yaoi = anime or manga that depicts a consensual relationship between two men" to this I received no reply. Which I'm grateful for, but for the past 2 months she hasn't bothered with my page at all, but the one time I say something like that, she's there to comment it as soon as I post it!

It just felt like she was aiming to pick a fight with me over the fact that I don't care for straight romance in manga. She doesn't even LIKE manga, so what does it matter if I'm not so keen on straight romance in it. I should have a right to choose what I read and what I don't read. Just so no one gets offended I have nothing against straight people in real life.

Just lately it seems since our disagreements over the whole "childfree" thing, has caused a riff between us. Every time I say anything, and it could be just anything big or small remotely childfree she gets a hair across her rump! Then i say something like that and she jumps in there, when it had nothing to do with her! I've never gotten this frustrated with her before, and I keep thinking I'm over reacting and it's my imagination. I'm over thinking everything and that's my problem, maybe I'm just being too sensitive, but the more I think on it the more I realize how terribly sensitive she's been lately. I ask her what's wrong, and she says "nothing in particular" so I dunno, have we reached the end of our friendship? *Sigh* I just don't know. It irritates me a lot.

As if that wasn't bad, my cousin lately only seems to call when he wants something from me. If I go to his house, he just about completely ignores me or doesn't greet me at all. He just says "Oh I didn't hear you come in" and goes back to what ever it was he was doing. I'm starting to feel a little alienated from Lily and him. I understand we don't have much in common, I don't have kids, they do, but that should be the dividing line between us. I like to think I'm knowledgeable enough about kids to at least hold a half way interesting conversation. If that's what they want!

I'm just getting tired of being attacked by Lily and used by my cousin. I know I'm pretty easy going, in fact, I'm very very easy going, and I try to respect everyones opinions whether I agree or not. I don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable telling me how they really feel so I accept all. There is just a fine line between being nice and being a sucker. I'm starting to feel like the latter already. Like I'm clinging to something that's gone in hopes I never have to let go. I really am a fool. Sorry I just needed somewhere to get it off my chest, it's been weighing heavily on my mind lately and I can't seem to sleep properly because of it.

Thanks for listening.

Lily sounds very antagonistic. I'm sorry you have to go through that. Perhaps it is time to cut Lily loose. My husband and I have both "outgrown" some of our friends...all because of children...no hatred or anger towards each other, it just happens when your priorities change.

Yes, folks do change with time and we have to make the adjustments that are going to work for NOW.

But it is not easy all the time as we sometimes have guilt or the feeling of obligation.

The bottom line is to deal with TODAY and do what needs to be done to keep your inner peace

Eeeek Jennifer, nightmare. Unfortunately even the most seemingly friendly of folk can become a most hideous person when faced with someone suggesting that not having children could ever be a good thing.

That's their issue, and clearly they do HAVE issues!

Lily needs to just be left to do her own thing, don't worry about her reaction, she's probably just unhappy and so needs everything else to think she IS happy being a mum. As for your cousin, just don't let yourself be used by anyone, parents are very good at using friends and family, DON'T let it be YOU!

Thank you everyone!

I do leave Lily alone, I hardly comment on her status updates because their usually about child related things. Which I have no interest in, I suppose my status updates about manga and anime related things can be viewed in a similar light. Though she even makes a point to comment on them sometimes just to start [censored]. I know I'm pretty easy going, in fact, I will accept verbal abuse to a point. Yet even I have my limits and it seems my cousin and Lily are beginning to pus those boundaries. Then the thing that gets me is, I doubt if I blew up in their face, they'd bat an eyelash or care. Which makes me feel sad.

I don't like tailoring my facebook because Lily and my Cousin have somehow band together to make my facebook a source to display their discontent. It's embarrassing, when my friend Margret or even Raven come on my page and see where Lily and my Cousin have cause a huge stink on my page. One is family, which makes it worse when my close friends have to witness this [censored].

Not to mention the using me, I made that bracelet for Lily and trust me, those things always take me a long time for some reason. Yet she asks, "You going to send my Christmas card too?" which I did draw up, but scrapped. Yet i feel she could've said "thank you" before demanding her other gift so forcefully. *Sigh*

I think Swearbear was right, Maybe I should just call it quit's I'm pretty tired of dealing with it, but it makes me so incredibly sad that I have to lose another friend. I don't have many to begin with, that'll leave me with a grand total of 2, which makes me sound pathetic. Aye.

I happened to experience the same thing. I say one thing and the other person thinks it's the other thing. And then it blows out of proportion. It only started as a joke about the skin. I have a tan complexion and hers is much darker. I told her I think she needs a skin whitener.And because I am using one already. Because you know she looks stressed, (but I didn't tell her this) and well anyway, in the end I didn't think she had an onion skin. It just started as a joke in fb and now she is telling everyone that the mayor, the senators, the governors have an fb and they might read it. To myself, who is this character that they think she is valuable. They don't even find time to fb.In short, I apologized and she couldn't take my apology and now she's been adding up stories. I talked to a few of my friends to explain my side so that when they stumble into some of our friends they will try to explain. I made an attempt to meet with her and she wouldn't.Anyway, I always had fun with my schoolmates in fb and she is just new in the crowd and how she reacted just for a small joke. I have friends like yours, I go their ways but you know, something had to put a stop to that relationship. I go with friends were I can be myself.

Talking about confusion. Here's another story I'd like to share with everyone and tell me what you are to find out in my story. My husband who is in his late 40's sometimes go out with his younger brother now in his 40's. His wife (my sil) is about late 30's. We got along fine until when my husband and I got separated for a week. SIL went out of her way to introduce someone to my hubby. And incidentally, that friend was my bestfriend from our neighborhood who was engaged to be married to her boyfriend. SIL didn't know that we were good friends. At that time my bil and sil were not married yet. When they got married and I became their godmother to their second daughter. I am confused because despite all that, they still wanted me to join. So I accepted. We got close to one another. We got so close that she got even closer to my hubby. To the point that they touch each other for having fun. Obviously, I have the feeling that feeling is now mutual. But my husband is denying the allegation. Whenever there is a chance for them to talk, sil puts her hand to my hubby's lap. BIL pretended he didn't saw them. My hubby denies but when they get together, SIL is very aggressive, she sits very, very close to him. and I was just watching them. I wanted to tell my BIL but he's just too stupid to find out. He is in denial. SIL takes advantage of the situation whenever BIL is not around she sits very close to my hubby. I don't know why don't I have the guts to fight them. Could it be that my meditation is taking over? Could it be that if I fight my SIL in front of my ILs they will have a negative impact and they will side with her? What can I do? SIL is very close to my hubby's IL.
She has to be close because SIL needed their money. Anyways, my ILs of my hubby knew about this insecurity of mine but at least I told them to watch this two together. And SIL is loquacious about herself, herself and herself. too boring. She brought her daughters to play violin and now she's playing violin also and now she is performing in their school. I don't envy her but hey, give the kids a break!

Oooh, sister-in-law has finally ditched me on Facebook. Oh dear, what a shame. I wasn't even saying anything or doing anything but I did join in on a Childfree group and occasionally posted responses to other people.

How awful of me :-D