BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Soon to be new mommy - needing advice w/ SS & SD

I'm new to this forum and I'm hoping it will be very informational and helpful with my particular situation. I've been with my b/f for 10 months and we are expecting a baby in July. I love him dearly and we have a wonderful relationship. We have his 2 children full time and their bio mom has them on the weekends. His son will be 9 this weekend and let me tell you, it's been quite a journey so far with him!! He's very immature for his age and does not know what respect is. I've tried extremely hard in the last several months (knowing another baby would be on the way) to try to help prepare him emotionally and mentally to act as though he's 9 and not 4. He just recently in the last 3 months stopped using sippy cups, has learned to get his own drinks and has learned to somewhat go to bed on time. It's still such a work in progress. His daughter is 5 1/2. She's a little princess/diva. As much as I am one myself, it can be very overwhelming to deal with lol The relationship her and I have is so much stronger and more of a loving relationship than what I have with her brother. Here are my true issues. Since we have the children full time, I'm almost expected to take care of them when their dad has to work or when their mom decides she can't have them for whatever reason. I want to help out as much as possible, but it's just all so overwhelming just being the "girlfriend" and having to raise his children b/c their bio mom is too busy with her boyfriend or her party lifestyle that she just waits until the weekend to have anything to do with them. I'm having to feed them, care for them, bathe them, put them to bed, help with homework, go to school events...etc. Is it normal to feel as though I'm just here for convenience b/c their mom is too wrapped up in her own life to have anything to do with them? Or should I lighten up and just take every day as it comes? ANY and ALL advice is welcome, even if it's something you think I may not want to hear lol I gladly welcome it! :)

Two things, STB New Mommy:
First, a nine year old using a sippy cup and unable to take care of his own basic needs is likely suffering from something more serious than immaturity. I would definitely have him evaluated by a medical or psychiatric professional before the baby arrives.

Secondly, as I try to convey so often in my articles and posts...the bigger problem is the lack of unity, and cooperation between you and the childrens' father. Until you BOTH agree upon and create an environment of expectations (and consequences for not complying), these kids will continue to behave in the way that benefits them most, especially once the baby is introduced into the mix.

Please check out some of the articles on the step parenting site. I bet you will see your own situation described over and over.

I agree that a nine year old with those problems has other issues and needs counseling. As far as blending the family and feeling used, if they live with you full time, you and your boyfriend will be the primary care givers regardless of who actually gave birth. I would try my best to just look at all of the children as my own (which is so hard to do, but not impossible) and try to develop a loving caring family together. Best wishes!

I'm currently in a relationship with a guy who has a 7-year old son. I've met his son one day when the bio mom took him to my boyfriend's house following their agreed schedule with their child. You know what? You should be happy that your boyfriend entrusts his kids to you. He recognizes you as the second mom of his children. You must be checking on [url=http://www.troubledteens.com/troubled-teens.html]websites on parenting kids[/url] by now. I've longed for the situation you are in right now. You're such a lucky woman, that's what I can say. Be proud and never feel that you're just being used. You are loved. Cheer up!