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#674651 04/01/11 07:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2011
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Kat101 Offline OP
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[size:23pt][/size] Am having trouble and am hoping someone can offer some advice from a different perspective. Am losing my vision - and yes, went to the "vision" forum, uh, no one answers - am not looking for help with my vision, as it is down to roughly 20%, one eye only, correctable to 20/80(sorry, am also a nurse, bad habit I guess), I am looking for a wiccan view on depression. On the "depression" forum, it is from a Gnostic point of view, and while prayer can certainly be helpful, it's not where I am right now. As a nurse of almost 25yrs, I can no longer practice, drive, take a walk, feel safe...the list feels endless. I have become almost housebound and very fearful as the light goes down(I need high watt lights all over house just to navigate). I look out a window and see nothing. I am afraid to open the door because I have no idea what is beyond that piece of aluminum and glass. I am solitary, taught by my grandmother. I am 55yo. The only contact I have is my daughter and/or son-in-law about once a week. I have never been this alone in my life and feel so lost. I can't find a focus. I know I am depressed(again -nurse-)and am doing the best I can and continue to feel so broken...is there something I am missing spiritually? Is there anything/anywhere/anyone that can help without preaching the "gospel" at me?

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Hi, You are going to be fine~ reaching out and asking for help is the first step to healing... Emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am 43 and living mylife as a incomplete quad. My "accident" happend 3and 1/2 years ago. One day I woke up went for my 3 mile run, came home and fell down 2 steps fracturing C6-C7. Instantly I knew Iwas paralzed. A neighbor found me, called the ambulance. I was flown to Hershey Medical center and had emergency surgery. LONG story short..... I woke up only being able to move my eyes, told I would never,blah,blah blah. Today I am doing all I did before only today its from a wheelchair. Stay strong, and do it afraid, After my accident I had to learn everything all over again, including leaving my house(in my wheelchair) I was scared to death! But slowly (inspite of my fear and numerous attemps I left my house. It may only have been out my front door, to the garage and back to the house but I went out. Keep doing it, going a little futher each time. Don;t be afraid to rely on friends and family. Rember they love & want to help! I wish we could talk. I have learned so much and would not change a thing in my life. I cannot tell you I know how you feel, you are losing your sight & I still have mine. I do know I have never been given more than I can handle. Life is hard but if we help each other we can make it through this journey. taKE CARE! Shelly

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Hey I wanted to add....... Hail mary's and our fathers we no longer enough, find solace in nature, spend time in it. The Universe is talking to us all the time! Make a big deal of the little things and say thank you! Focus on what you can do and what you do have. There is always someone who has it worse! For instance... another quad (like me) was totally dependent on others, I am not! The day I learned how to hold a toothbrush and brush my teeth was a good day! Be grateful your sight was not stolen from you and use this time to adjust to life without it. Again, I cannot stress enough go out, even if its only 2 feet at a time. I have found setting a goal helpful because it gives me something to look foward to, I am looking ahead not behind :) I do hope this helps

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Kat101 Offline OP
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Thank you. I have been given too much too deal with, I'm afraid. My son, his wife and my grandchildren(all of whom I seldom see but at least know they are about a mile away)are moving to West Virginia to live with her adoptive mother. My daughter and son-in-law, who I see about once a week, just told me they are moving to North Carolina for better jobs. So, no, I really don't think I am going to be alright. I just don't think so. I don't have your courage or drive. I have taken care of everyone else in my world since I was 9yrs old and could reach all the knobs on the appliances and my mother could tell me what to do from her chair...and it has never stopped...I was a caregiver from then on, it's what I was trained to do, so it's what I did and now, I can't even do that. I don't seem to be much good for anything and my sight has been stolen, I can see this screen set on visually impaired (a font larger than 72pt) and very, very bright and with the external aid of two magnifiers fastened together(taking it up to 15X), and typing a few words and looking for mistakes, and re-typing, and re-typing and stopping every 45min to an hour due to the pain in my head from straining to see...days are so long when there is so long and I don't have much I can see to do anymore. sorry, I am really on the Pity Train today and can't cry and type too. thank you for your encouragement. I truly wish I were someone like you, I just don't seem to be

Last edited by Kat101; 04/02/11 03:36 PM.
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Don't be sorry, its healthy to identify, feel and then let go of your feelings. Cry if you hae too but then try and move on. Take t easy on yourself! You mentioned that you will be alone, I am 3 hours away from home attending college at the University of Pittsburg but I do have "aids" who stop to help me with laundry and the cleaning, they even fix meals if you want them too. I do not like the intrusion but being alone witrhout family I need some assistance. The girls work for UCP. You may qualify for this type of program also. Has anyone talked to you about these types of services?

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I have no money for that kind of help. I am paying my rent(barely) and $25 to every dr and hospital and consulting/reading/interpretting dr I owe every month. I paid my bills Thursday and now have $17 left. I am scheduled for evals from BSVI referred agencies in May and have no idea how I will pay for services should they refer me/accept me-whatever they will do...I never understood what people meant when they said 'time stands still' for them, but it does. it absolutely does. I'm sorry, by alone I mean I often go a week or more and see no one, don't leave the house, have a five minute conversation with my daughter at least every other day and I truly mean 5 minutes as it's while she drives home from work and is typically not in a great mood so it's short and to the point. it would be easier to be in an isolation room in a hospital! You go to classes, I assume as you are at college...how do you manage such courage? I don't care about anything else, just please, please tell me how you managed to be so brave? everything and everyone will be gone soon and I am not brave.

Last edited by Kat101; 04/02/11 04:07 PM.
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There is a soulution to every problem one must be creative to figure one out! I focused on what I could do.When I was getting a breathing treatment my lung collopased and I could not breath. My last thought was "oh my Godd afterall this I am going to die" fortunatlly I woke up. I am sorry it took a wack in the head for me to become grateful!I almost died,and on a ventilator twice and second time I came off it I was just happy to be alive, did not care that I could not move. I was blessed to have a belief system before my accident,but like I say before, hail mary;s were no longer enough so first chance I had I went to the internet did a search and foun this prayer... Thank you for all that you have given me, thank you for all that you have taken from me, thank you for all that you have left me" I was a recovering catholic but still seeking something more& KNEW there was more to life. So gratitude keeps me going, I said thank you until I meant it! :) I was in an unhealthy marriage and after the accideNt he literally turned on me, I was carried out of my house into my mothers where I lived until going to college. I had no idea who I was before my accident; like you I spent my life takingcare of him and his kids.After the accident I was determined to find out. I was still reading the bible so when ever I had a problem I would look it up & write down the verse that spoke to me the most.Later I found out that christianity gets its beliefs from the Wiccan religion. Today I know I am a child of God, loved, never alone,kind and loving. Spiritually I needed more and was blessed to run into individuals who were Wiccan. I started reading & joined this site The bible is about control so a nature based religion made sense to me. Keep in touch with positive people !!! I have rambled long enough I have been given so much and want to share that. Remember you are not alone1

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Kat101 Offline OP
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I will try, thank you again

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YOU ARE WELCOME! email me anytime please. Shellbell5705@aim.com

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Merry Meet, My heart goes out to you,and i can understand how you in your situation can feel so alone.I am Wiccan and so believe we are never actually alone in the sense of the word.While i can see how devastating it must be to lose your sight,i hope my words will be of some comfort to you. We donot need sight to see the beauty of nature.We can listen to the bird song,the sound of wind and rain.Feel the warmth of the sun on our skin.Hear a stream running or the waves lapping in the ocean.We can lay in the grass and feel a soft breeze as it blows through it.We can smell the sweet fragrance of flowers.We donot need to see the moon or the stars to know they are there and we donot need to see the higher power that watches over and protects us.Please try to look to the good things life has to offer although it may be hard.Please email me anytime if you'd like to talk elaineburrows49@hotmail.co.uk Brightest Blessings Elaine xx


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