BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce How to get over my ex??!

I've been together with my ex for about two years, of all this years, we were also living together, and we ave a lot of memories behind us as working together too, so as the history says.. all my memories for the past years is about us...all fun we use to do and so on. We had a hard start in our relationship but made it work, but some things came up from the passed and we broke up...(ore he broke up). I don't know how to get over him, and im spending hours just thinking about that there might by a chanche that we will be together again.. i made a misstake, and he's probally more hurt than ever. i guess i get what i deserve(ore got). but i belive that people can regret something so much, that it actually turns them into better persons (if you make a misstake, that you cannot "take back" but you can regret so much, that some people actually turns into better persons). because there has to be a way out of that .. "dark hole".. although, he broke all contact with me (msn, phone, skype, and so on) (we live in 2 different countries too). i just cant let him go and don't know what to do. i know i can't force him to come back...if this is what he wants. but what can i do?we had so much history together, and i cant get him out of my mind, and i dont want to, also, i cant stop wishing that its going to be 'us' again. even if somewhere in my mind, i may realize i may have lost him forever, ore that there is a slight chance he's not coming back (atleast not now). same time, i dont want to loose him as a friend, since he was more than just a partner to me, and such a 'big part' of my life. i really dont know what to do.. if he didnt want to move on i dont belive he would make the steps he did, breaking all contact. but same time, how do i know this is really 'it'? can we ever know?and what should i do? (didnt even get the chance to talk things through w him...and i'm left with a lots of questionmarks).same time i cant force any answers from him, and he made it pretty clear he wants no contact by blocking and deleting me. really, don't know how to get through this and what i should do.thanks for encouragement and help

the problem is that i cheated on him by a time we were not together, ("separated") ore by a time i didn't even know we were together, ore going to be together again.in future. once we manage to build up our relationship again, this all came up, as i couldnt lie to him. ofcourse, it destroyed our relationship and what we had manage to build up, as something fundamental as trust. i feel so much disgust and hate becasue of this (towards myself), and no matter what there is no justifications for why someone did this and that. no matter what the situation looked like. i should ave known better by that time, ore tell him once it happend, but i never knew that we would stand, where we stand today. and someone asked "how can you do something like that towards someone you love?" and the answer is that you cant, and i probally get what i deserve. but i never knew that we would been able to build up, what we had. but i learned from my misstake...and all i can do is. ... i just feel so bad about everything that happend, so much disgust and anger over myself.of how i could be so stupid.. really, dont know what to do.all i knew is that i would never make the same mistake, because it costs me everything i had, and i should ave knewn better. just dont know how 'to move forward' from this ore go on, as thats not what i want, and i dont want to be without my ex/partner. i know its up to him, and someone says 'time heels all scars', but im not sure i can ave that hope and i really dont know how its possible to move on from all this. at a point i thought everything was ok, and he had forgiven me, we are now at the same point where we were before a month ore two, ago. just this time im not sure its going to be ok, and im not sure i will able to forgive myself either. i may forgive myself. but i cant get over the feeling of disgust of what i did and don't ave any answers to anything of this..as its all i can remind myself of. i know, and i do feel as the 'bad guy' here,(girl), but isnt there forgivness and cant that regret do something with you, so it turns one into a better person, and finnally forgivness. ore i am just stupid and naive who thinks its going to be "ok" again. isn't there marriages ore relationship that manage to heal. ore is this "it" J.

And yes, i know i may have to live with the regret. just not sure how. and isn't there a way to fix things ore put things together?? I'm not looking for any 'feeling sorry' for myself, ore slef-pity, i know what i've done and i ave to live with it. but i also belive people make misstakes.so what im really looking for...is..i guess, to an answer, if there is any way out of this? any suggestions of what one should do? if this guy really was the 'love', isnt there anything one can do about it i know i 've to live w the regret... but if i really don't want to loose this guy. isn't there really anything that one can do?

I know you have heard the old saying that if you really love something you will let it go. Yes this is easier said than done but a good practice nonetheless. Would you have him stay with you at the expense of his happiness? True love would answer no. It's painful to lose someone you love so much and shared so much with. You have to keep in mind though what led to the demise of the relationship. Infidelity is hard to get over. Sometimes its impossible to forget but to be able to forgive the hurt. No matter the reason for the break up, keep in mind that we are all destined to find our place in life. The paths we choose to follow determine how easily we reach that destination. Keep your head up. I feel that you will find the one you are destined to be with in the future. Remember that some relationships are just stepping stones to the right one.

Yes, that's is true and I know love and trust is something that you have to deserve. I let him go and i cant force him to be with somebody he doesn't love ore want to be with. But there is a willingness to clear things up, so maybe there is a possibility to get back again, it seems so. Only problem is that I feel so bad because of what happend and don't know what to do. I want to fix it, but he says one has do deserve it and that I haven't given him all the answers he wants for why it happend. I do want to solve this, I'm just not sure i 've all the answers myself, for the thing ore cheating that happend. All i know is that our relationship was not the best at that point and that i didn't feel ok by that time. I'm not sure what answers he demands, but all i know is that i truly love him, and want to be with him, but im on the botton too because of this, and feel that he is right in one way, one has to deserve it, and i do want to fix it. but he also says that he isn't sure if he deserves it, (to be w somebody that cheated on him) and that is right, nobody deserves it. (and he deserve only the best true). so how can i get him to understand that i do deserve the chance and i want to do the best to get things together again . i really do. but im not sure i can give all the answers he demands. what can i do? what can i tell him? and what can i do?

This really kills me becausse i know the easiest thing would ave been to solve it, once it came up on the table. but now its just been pouring and pouring until it probally finnally explods if we dont solve it soon, so what can we do? i really want to fix this, but im really not the best in communication/talking about feelings, ore solving issues/ore a relationship expert, so i do not have the right tools, but i do want to do my best to fix it just dont know how, so any tips ore leads would be appreciated. thanks

Perhaps if you could approach him like a friend, since you have so many memories in common. Don't try to get back with him, just be his friend. Want what is best for him.

Relationships are built on trust. It sounds like both of you have some issues with trusting one another. Build trust, build friendship, be friends. If a relationship is meant to be, it will happen.

jenn...after reading your posts, I'd like to help. First of all, take a deep breath. Calm your mind. You're rattling too many thoughts--destructive and unproductive thoughts--and you're not making any progress in a positive direction.

I hear that you feel sorrow, guilt, remorse. I hear that you want him back. But take a few steps back to reflect before you act too hastily, out of desperation, and drive him further away.

Jenn, you say that he wants answers that you can't give him yet because you aren't sure of the answers yourself. It's time to take a look within and find those answers--for yourself if not for him.

Stop berating yourself for cheating. It was hurtful and you feel remorse. Fine. But it happened for a reason. Ask yourself why. You said your relationship at that time was not so good. What was going on?

You mention that your relationship didn't start well and had rocky times. Think about those times. Sounds like there are other issues that caused conflict and problems. Sometimes, we ignore those very real problems and blame something else for break-ups. The cheating might have been the proverbial last straw but the relationship might have broken up over something else.

Anyway, what made you cheat? Was it out of anger? Weakness? Did you feel lonely and rejected by him so you sought easy solace in another person's arms? Do you have an underlying sexual compulsion? Is your self esteem so low that you fell victim to someone's flattering advances? Was it thrilling to do something clandestine?

Before you run back and beg him to come back, be sure sure sure of who you are--without him. You must be whole in order to provide healthy companionship. People often seek someone else to complete them and it always ends up in disillusionment, disappointment and divorce.

Let him have his space. Work on yourself. If it is truly "meant to be" then it will be. But be healthy in mind, body and spirit. For one thing, you will be more attractive to him when you are vibrant and happy rather than a depressed, out of sorts woman.

There is nothing you can say that will convince him you deserve his trust. Time will heal. Both of you. If and when he contacts you, be prepared to give him those answers and express them with heartfelt remorse. And let him see that you are a woman worth taking a chance on again because you are incredible and amazing, happy and productive, creative and viable, loving and joyful.

Life teaches us hard lessons. Some call the mistakes. I call them lessons. Learn from them and move on with wisdom. Beating yourself up again and again, however, is not wisdom. If you keep kicking yourself when you're down, how can you get up and move on toward a better future? Enough.

There is time for everything and the time at hand is for you to be happy with who you are, all by yourself. Without a man. Then, the time will come when you will find love again.

The road back may be longer than you like but it will be worth it.

Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

jenn.....start thinking about taking care of yourself and shifting your focus away from what was. Concern yourself with the here and now and moving forward. Spend time with your friends and family, take up a new hobby you have always wanted to do, make time for quiet nature walks to rejuvenate yourself, and do other activities that make you feel good about life and about yourself. Take time for you.....focus on YOU.

Your man needed to move on and you need to do that as well. We never know what life may bring us, but if you focus on what makes you a whole and happy person, you will attract positive people. You have to love yourself first, and when you do love will come your way again.