Hi Silveraven,
Insomnia, oh have you got a friend! I've had insomnia since 7 or 8 yrs old. In fact my mom told me she had to put a lid on my crib because I would just stare at the ceiling chatting away.
I've tried all sorts of things. Valerian, OTC, tea, white noise. You're kind of right, there's an anxiety about having insomnia that actually went away once I just said, "Ok, so I have trouble sleeping. There are worse things."
I'm not really against medications if they truly help. I found Ambien to do wonders. I also found that I'm ultra sensitive, so, sugar, colas, even chocolate or vitamin B if I have them after 5:00 pm keep me awake. So I don't know if you've taken those things into consideration.
From what you're describing, meloncholy, seems more than appropriate when circumstances have been out of control. Sometimes I feel there's too much pressure to put on that happy face when feeling the moment (s) is just what you need to do, even if it takes a year or two.
Also, your mind might be working overtime going through those next building block steps.
I have this saying and I don't mean it to sound depressing, but, I kind of see things as, if it's not attached and I didn't come into this world with it, it's quite possible I might be without it one day. So, that's pretty much how I live my life.
These past few years have proven that all too true, I suppose with a single garbage bag at one point to show as a souvenir for all the life I had lived out of 30 yrs. What's kind of funny, is that you feel pretty stupid holding it for all the trouble it's worth, lol, getting around.
But anyway, looking back it was painful yes going through it, but it was more of a shedding process really, I just couldn't see it. There's life around every corner and it's at this point I'm seeing more of it than I ever would had I not gone through what I did.
Be patient with yourself. You'll get where you're going
