BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids My Brother's Kids

So, I'm here in lovely Del Mar, CA for about 3 days with my brother and his family. They have 3 kids: one 4 year old daughter and 2 year old twins. OMG! The noise, the yelling, the screaming, the sticking of the nasty little fingers everywhere is FANTASTIC birth control. I mean there is not one minute of peace in this house. And what really kills me is my brother and his wife are just as likely to contribute as the kids are. They have TVs on (one in each room, of course) 24/7 and I've yet to see them actually tell the kids to sit down and stop their yapping. I honestly think they are addled at this point. Last night, we went out for dinner to a very nice place. I was embarrased that we were there with these kids. It was swank, on the beach and not the place for kids. I could see the other tables giving us the eye and just really wanted to say "Hey, it's not me. I don't even have kids." It was really inappropriate they chose to go there. Well, so dinner arrives and I turn away from my plate for one second to hand my brother something and my 2-year old niece (the one who has her hands in her mouth all the time) has shoved her hands in my food. Out of sheer surprise, I tell her "Marlee, no! Get your hands out of my food!" Well, the little darling is not used to being talked to like that and she goes over and sits in Mommy's lap because I "scared her". Is there any discussion with Marlee about not putting her hands in everything she can see? Nope. Just cuddles and "I'm sorry Auntie scared you". Of course when the ice cream cake came for the kids, she ate her portion with her hands when Mommy couldn't get the spoon to her face fast enough. Ah... can't wait to get home tonight to my DH and my cats!!! Has anyone else managed to offend family members by daring to correct their children? I'm wondering if I am the only Auntie Ogre.

Catluvgal, I'm right there with you. My husband's brother has 4 little kids and for the longest time we were the mean old stuffy Auntie and Uncle, for reasons I'm still not sure of. I guess just because we haven't procreated was enough to label us the stuffy ones. Just because I don't find their antics cute is maybe another reason. They have 3 boys and 1 girl, and one day the girl started taking her "big-girl cup" into my in-laws living room, where it is not allowed. Her mother is of course highly ineffective at directing her back to the kitchen where eating and drinking IS allowed because all she does is sit there and in a sing-songy voice say "kitchen, kitchen, kitchen" bobbing her head back and forth. Of course the little girl continues to step forward into the living room and drink the rest of her drink while looking mommy directly in the face. I just rolled my eyes and let out a little grump because my father-in-law was right there witnessing the whole thing (and it's HIS living room for crying out loud). But of course nobody either got up and directed the little girl back to the kitchen. Instead she blatantly disobeyed and then turned and walked away without so much as a second blink. Ugh it makes my blood boil!

I try not to say anything to other people about their kids. I just grit my teeth and bear it. But, this one time when we were having a family gathering, my niece (age 6) ran across the room, leapt, and threw herself into my lap. Instinctively (fight or flight), I pushed her with all my strength, and she flew a good 5 feet across the room and landed on the floor on her butt. She started crying, her mom ran to hold her, and my family looked horrified. I look at my niece and said with sincerity, "I'm really sorry kid, but you shouldn't jump on people like that. It scared me." My mom yelled at me, "Dee, she's just a little girl!" I told her flat out, "Mom, she's 6, not 2. She's more than old enough to know it's not okay to attack people like that. It's not cute. She hurt me, and that's inappropriate." Her mom didn't say anything to me, she just kept on comforting her kid. I think she knew I was right. I guess I'm willing to speak up if I'm directly involved. I'd like to state again that I really, REALLY am sorry for pushing her off me that hard. It wasn't meant to be malicious, she really did just scare (and hurt) me. I'm glad she didn't hit anything or get really hurt.

Also, once when my husband's sister and her family were visiting us, the youngest (age 2) spotted a tin canister with a cartoon character on it high up on our bookcase. He started yelling for it, so his mom just went and got it for him. My husband quickly intervened (or else I would have), taking it back saying, "No, no, that's our sewing kit." It's where I keep needles, pins, various threads and such, obviously not safe for a baby (hence the reason it was high up on the shelf). His sister says to him, "I'll take out the stuff on the inside and give it back to him." God, I swear I have never been so proud of my husband. He's the baby of the family, and never really sticks up for himself. He almost always goes along with what they say. He told her, "No. This isn't a toy, it's our sewing kit. You can't just let him have everything he sees." She was annoyed at my husband, but I thought it was great.

So, yeah, we've had to play the bad guy before. But, sometimes you just can't stay quiet. Especially when it's YOUR internal organs involved.

-D.

Dolyn: right, when you get totally surprised you can't be 100% accountable for whatever reaction you have. I tried to explain this to my brother but then found out later after my OP that my sister in law was "so upset" about how I spoke to the little girl, that she (yes, the adult) had to go upstairs as soon as we all got home from dinner and cry and pout in her bedroom for the remainder of the evening. Of course, the 2-year old and I commenced our playing whilst her mommy was having her temper tantrum upstairs. I am sick of this drama and could say alot more about what has transpired since but suffice to say I have told them they can either accept me for who I am or we just don't have much to say to each other for the forseeable future. I won't play these games.

I haven't been a mean Auntie yet since my nephew is only 6 months old. He is adorable, but I've got a feeling he will be spoiled. I don't plan on being the 'mean one' in front of his parents, but if I ever get to babysit him and he misbehaves, I wouldn't hesitate one second to punish him! I hate and can't stand kids that misbehave.

For now he's just adorable though, and can't get enough of him.

Catluvgal, waow, what an episode :-D

As per Dolyn, I never say anything to the parents about their child, but if a child wrongs me of course I will say something, I would to an adult, what's the difference.

My friend's niece (who I'm close to) recently tried to lift herself up onto my knee by pulling on my hair. She knew her parents had told her to sit on her seat (we were at the dinner table, it's kind of what you do). So after the pain had subsided I lifted her calmly up took her around the table and sat her down on her chair, I moved down to her level and said calmly "you will sit here are you were told".

Boy was she stunned. My friend and his siblings were gobsmacked at her reaction, as they said "you'd think no-one had ever told her what to do before". And they're probably right, I doubt she has ever been reprimanded in any way whatsoever, it certainly hasn't happened in front of us and she's done plenty of stuff that clearly needs disciplining.

She sat there totally stunned, then went and lay on the couch and we carried on talking happily and left her to it. Then her mum comes through says "what's wrong with you?" and she obviously goes into the other room with them and grasses me up. Now she was clearly told to apologise cause she came through and apologised a bit later and told me she was being good now and I gave her a hug and we continued to play happily, but her parents so obviously sit as far away from me as possible now if we are all at dinner together and really childish stuff like that. There's nothing like being a parent to bring out your utter immaturity I guess.

My friend is really worried that his niece is going to be a brat, to be honest he already thinks she is well on her way to becoming a brat. And that's just such a shame. All this because her parents are failing to instill discipline of any sort. She could be a really lovely little girl, but yes, she is a brat already. She is being raised with no consistency, nothing even verging on the sleep a child that age actually needs and everything that she's told she can't have "unless...." she gets regardless.

Of course I know nothing about children, I just have decades of experience of lots of different kids where they have a few years of one kid that they are screwing up at a rate of knots. And if I know nothing then how come my methods work, while their methods totally fail? And how come I actually put the wellbeing of their child first (when I'm with her) when they put their own desires first?

Parents! I'll never understand the selfish lengths to which they will stoop.

Catluvgal, sounds to me like all that happened (as with my situation) is that you showed up your sister-in-laws inadequacies and now she's having a hissy fit about it instead of asking you for tips. Pretty darn childish. Expect a backlash though where she really goes to town not putting any discipline into her child. Parents will do that out of spite regardless of how much it is going to damage their child.

What I can't stand is apathetic dads that clearly disapprove of their child's behaviour but stand back and say nothing to the wife.

I used to NEVER correct other parents' children, but I have grown a bit randier over the past few years. Here is my rule: If your kid is just annoying me, I'll still hold my tongue. However, if your kid is doing something personally to me (like sticking germ-invested fingers into my food), I think it's completely appropriate to respond in the politely assertive manner you demonstrated. Of course, when it's family, it's fair game. If my niece or nephew annoys me, I'll probably let them know!

Hi All, I can't say how much I appreciate the support and insight. Things are still in the works. I had a decent (not great) follow up conversation with my brother but conversation with sister-in-law is pending. I won't allow it to turn into a groveling session although I am sure that is what is expected. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I was wrong, what can I do to make it all better." Well, I don't mind saying that I had no intention to offend but there is going to have to be a limit. If anyone has advice as to how to walk the line between peace in the family and needless groveling, I'd sure love to hear it!

I think I might have sent my food back or ordered a second plate even if I had to pay.That truly is gross! I would have done this without yelling at the kid.It seems as though your reaction was reflexive and not executed with malicious intent, though. Your niece was just being a little kid and unfortunately, so was your sister in law!