BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Ex-boyfriend having baby

Hello all, I just need to vent and have someone tell me it's normal to feel weird. :( I'm in a relationship with a guy who is also glad to be child-free. It's been just over a year and mostly great. We don't live together yet but we're considering it. So why am I bothered with the news that one of my ex's is having a baby and so excited about it? He's sort of "the one that got away", he moved to WA shortly after dating for 4 months. We've kept in touch and over the years he flew me out there a couple of times and has visited here too. We emailed yesterday after months of not. He dropped the bomb--he and his gf are expecting. Maybe it's the 'ohhh, so NOW he can commit' irritation. Or maybe it's 'well, there goes another one'. Why, if I don't want kids does it bother me that he is going to have one? I wish I could be happy for him - he is thrilled.

You are perfectly normal...I'm sure, to some degree, he kind of broke your heart and you feel its not fair that he is happy again...I've been there...I am VERY happily married, but one of my ex boyfriends is a friend of a friend...this guy verbally abused me for 5 1/2 years (one of those "he had me convinced that he was the only one who took pity enough to date me" relationships you see on Lifetime's movie of the week.)..but, every time he tells my friend via facebook about a new relationship or a new job I fume because what right does he have to be happy?

You're normal GoGirl. As you say, he's the one that got away, I think you're probably more upset at what how him having a child represents him to the outside world rather than that he's happy himself.

What I mean by that is, we still live in an idiotic society which, instead of accepting everyone is different, assumes that having a child is the best thing that could ever happen to ANYone and the happiest event ANY person could ever experience. So if people were to look back on my life alongside that of my ex-husband (who will no doubt have a child at some point) then they will assume more happiness in his life, no matter what the other factors on both our lives are. Utterly stupid of course, but it does bug me a little that people think that way.

I suspect you may be confusing your annoyance at society's attitude towards having children with your feeilngs about him having a child.

As I say, rather than him "being the one that got away" you are the one that "had a lucky escape"!

I agree with Random for sure, it's probably a blessing in disguise. If it were meant to be, you would be together. Think of it this way, the man is having a baby now so you ask yourself how long was it before he met the mother-to-be?? Hummm....like I said a blessing in disguise.

Actually csept, you've made me think of something.

Parents and parents to be do have a tendency to 'amp up' their 'excitement' when telling the news to people they know don't want children. It's childish yes but I guess it's understandable.

As you're pointing out that this pregnancy could have happened quite quickly, isn't it possible he's been caught out and is just trying to be the 'decent man' and do the right thing (which includes seeming happy about it, even moreso in front of a childfree person). Since gogirl liked him he probably is a very decent guy, and this is what a decent guy would do, no matter how he really felt.

Thanks for all of your replies! Each one helped, alot. In addition to being the one that got away, he was the wild one, the one who couldn't settle down or sit still for long, spontaneous, etc. So I think it came as even more of a shock because of that. As frustrating as it was to deal with, there was an element of romance to it when things were good. As a result, there's never really been the closure I've felt with other breakups. I never knew when he'd show up back in my world (either in email or phone call of some proclamation of how he'd realized how much I meant to him). The grand gesture. Now that's going to be over and while it's a relief and good in the longrun, it's such a jolt and shock that he's going to be capable of settling down with someone who isn't me! And yes, in a very approved-by-society, look-at-what-joy-awaits-for-him kind of way. SO true, Random! Anyway, thanks again. Love this forum!