BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids GETTING STERILIZED-MY OPTIONS

The benefits do not outweigh the risks of continuing on the pill at this time in my life and health reasons is the main reason why. My OB/GYN told me it is rare that a married woman (not single) comes to her office to get this done, especially someone who has never had children. I asked her why and she told me either the woman has her tubes tied after the birth of her last child while still in the hospital or the husband has a vasectomy. I told her my husband is totally against getting a vasectomy so I guess I will have to be the one getting cut. That then lead to a whole new discussion on my options of sterilization. At this point, I only have two but really one. Let me explain. First of all, both options have the same amount of risk but different risks. Essure is one of those options but can be more painful for women who have never had children. Also, with me being a heavy-set person, the coils have a better chance of not taking or actually falling out. That is due to excess weight in the abdomen that forces the uterus downward. The other option is, of course, a TL but with cauterization. The TL with cauterization also has risks including not being able to get the scope where they want it because, again, I am heavy-set. Plus I had my gallbladder removed in 2003 and a scope was used through my navel. That is where the scope would go to have a TL done as well. If scar tissue is to bad, there will be issues. Now, the filshie clips (that I was leaning towards) has the same possbility of not taking just like the Essure because of my physical stature. If a filshie clip comes loose, it would take another surgery (UGH!) cutting into the abdomen to retrieve it because it is on the outside of the fallopian tube. With Essure, it is inside the fallopian tube. If it does not take, the coil will fall down towards the uterus which is accessible through the cervix and less invasive. My OB/GYN told me out of the 2 options, the TL with cauterization is what she would suggest (by the way, she has been in practice for over 25 years and has done hundreds of these procedures). She said that there is a 90% chance that once she gets in there and looks around, she might not be able to do it due to the above reasons. I want to discuss with her that if for some reason the TL does not go through, if she could go ahead and do the Essure while I am still under anesthesia. Maybe less activity or even bedrest for a while would help the coils stay in place and take? We shall see! P.S. Even though she (OB/GYN) didn't say it, I could tell she felt my disappointment and pain of my husbands reaction/decision about vasectomy. My risk of problems with sterilization is doubled due to my physical stature and hubby could give 2 shits!

I am also a heavy set woman. Make sure that your doctor has had a lot of experience on heavy women.

My first gyno was not that comfortable with my size. I found another one and my satisfaction with my medical care went up with my new gyno.

I'd bring hubby with you to OB/GYN. Maybe he doesn't realize just how dangerous it can be for a woman, and you're at extra risk. I'm sure if he knew he wouldn't want you to go through that. Also, I've heard scary things about essure...it's too new. I wouldn't do it, personally. A woman gets her cycle every month. The man can get his vasectomy! If he wont do it maybe try other birth control options????

Or you could just not have intercourse with hubby. You can't be the one to take all the risk in this. Let him realize some consequences too.

While, yes, I think it's a shame your husband isn't willing to get a vasectomy considering how difficult it will be for you to successfully get sterilized, I really don't think it's anyone's place to tell someone else to get surgery ::ducks to avoid all the things being thrown at me by the other members of this board::.

When I was on "the great quest" to get sterilized myself, I hit a lot of opposition by doctors telling me "why doesn't your husband just get a vasectomy? It's easier, blah, blah, blah..." The reason was because "I" wanted to have it done, not him.

Now, since there was never a question about who would be getting it done, my husband never had the need to voice his opposition to the idea of getting a vasectomy. I know my husband and the inner workings of his mind. While it may seem like a simple procedure to us, the idea of anyone going anywhere near his testicles with plans to cut into them would have him curling up into the fetal position and sobbing hysterically. Only nice things are allowed to happen down there. Also, apparently, I've heard that for some men there is a psychological issue as well: the idea that sterilization takes away your manhood. Again, seems silly to some, but it's still a perfectly valid feeling. My husband is a Hispanic man, and I truly think the idea of sterilization would hurt his very well hidden "machismo."

While I understand that it would be nice if these men would be willing to "take one for the team," we should try to remember that it is there bodies in the end. Being women who want to remain childfree, we should be more understanding of people with views that differ from the norm and a desire for control over what happens to there bodies.

So, if it were me, and I was in this situation? I'd have to tell him that if he wasn't willing to get it done, I'd understand. But, it's condoms or no sex from now on. You have to take care of your body too.

Ok, so basically your saying that I should not get it done? I was curious as to why some women have gotten sterilized and take the risks over using condoms and a back-up like spermicide?

Oh, I'm not saying don't get it done, I'm saying if you "can't" get it done. If possible, I'd say your best bet is the TL with cauterization. That's what I had, and there is no worry about anything ever slipping or falling out of place. There is always the possibility of regrowth, but that's a 1 in 400 chance.

For me, sterilization didn't seem like much of a "risk." I'm not afraid of hospitals, needles, blood, or any of that. The biggest risk is anesthesia, but I had already had a breast reduction and came out of the anesthesia just fine. I was 24 and in great health, so I wasn't really worried about any of that. I had wanted it done since I got married when I was 21, but since the pill had worked so good for me I never pushed for it. But, I had to go off the pill after my breast reduction.

My pathetic story of all the problems I had with BC after that is very long and stupid. Reader's Digest version: severe bleeding problems with the use of progesterone products (became anemic), I had an IUD for 3 months but had it removed due to again, bleeding, and sexual issues. And, the icing on the cake, I'm allergic to spermicide! (The irony that some someone so set against having kids has this much trouble with BC is not lost on me). This left my husband and me with only nonspermicidal condoms which we used in between all the previously mentioned failed methods. I feel it's also worth noting here for new readers that the time in between going off the the progesterone only pill method and before I could get the Mirena IUD is when I got pregnant. We only had those nonspermicidal condoms, and we still to this day don't know what happened. So, I terminated the pregnancy, tried the IUD for 3 months, then FINALLY found a doctor willing to tie my tubes for me. And, that was that. It's been 4 years, and I'm super happy with my decision.

-D.

P.S. Sometimes I do actually miss being on the pill. I used to be able to take a few extra, delay my period if I needed. We are going on vacation in May, and I just realized I'll have my period during the whole trip. Boo.

I got Essure almost 4 years ago (it had been in use for 5 years at that point making it 9yrs in use so I wouldn't consider it "too new") and I don't know where anyone got this idea that it would be more painful for an overweight woman. The procedure was not painful in the least bit, and this is coming from someone who had to have a modified local anesthetic because I am allergic to almost all pain medications. I got to watch the whole procedure on the monitor and was amazed at how easy it was for the doc to insert the coils. However, weight is not an issue so I don't know how that would play into it. I would assume that the doc who you talked to knows what she was talking about for complications.

Anyway, I think Essure is great but everyone is different. Best of luck with your decision.

Kat: great info on the Essure! I was considering it strongly but other posters had given me second thoughts. Of course, I would discuss with my doc but reading others' actual experience is helpful. Now, if only I could figure out a way to stop these stupid periods! :-)