BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Really!?! child envy!?!

Welcome CantCrate.

I recently (Nov 9)adopted a dog who has some serious seperation anxiety. She was adopted and returned twice to the shelter so we are at least her 4th home. We have to conform our life to her. We have to minimize the time she is alone, dog proof the house and clean up pee when we get home. I love my dog but wish we didn't get her. Her breed lives about 8 years so she will be around for around 6 more. Once she has passed I really don't want another dog for a while.

The problems I am having with her are some of the reasons I don't want kids. The difficulty with going anywhere, the messes in the house, her clingyness. She is like a child most the time and it sucks. But in general, dogs don't need her kind of attention and are usually just cute and playful (my dog is those things too) which is why I think people get pets. After they are trained as puppies, you get to play with them and enjoy their presence ALL the time. Kids are nothing but work work work, and most of the time, way beyond just the first 18 years.

I have a few close friends with grown up kids, and all they seem do is ask for money. even in their thirties it continues.
they treat parents as one big money tree.
So even in a couples 50's and 60's they're still doling out.
And selfish ? the 'kids' don't seem to realize the sacrifice their parents give.

I must admit I agree with you Kat, too, that although I love my cat, she is still a pest at times ( as with anything that relies on you for it's wellbeing )- not as needy as your dog - but my husband says when she goes, we're not getting another. ( and he dotes on her as much as me ! )
So only another 16 years to go then....but it just reinforces for me the nightmare that would be bringing up a child.

I've just adopted two little flea-ridden kittens (vet visit tomorrow)and I always call them my babies. It's already confused some people as I forget I haven't told them I have cats so I sort of get the slightly nervous glance down to my stomach in a 'damn-did-I-forget-something-important' kind of way. You can almost see the wheels turning until I take pity on them and tell them they are feline, not human babies. I love them to death but they go to bed in the kitchen and I do not get up until morning no matter how much noise they make. Best difference between animals and babies!

I haven't had anyone tell me to have kids even though I treat my pets like kids. At work, we have 2 office cats. One likes to go outside no matter what the weather is like so I have to regulate for him when he can and can't go out. The other cat recognizes when the weather is bad and will stay inside. I tell my coworkers not to let the cats out-they are like kids and YOU must decide when it is safe for them. I wish my coworkers would think "the weather is poor, I should not let the cats out" instead of "April will yell at me if I let them out". I find it similar to kids-as a parent you must decide what kids can and can't do and what is safe for them. In no way does my love for pets mean that I want kids.

I always connected better to dogs than most people, even when I was a kid. My dog was my best buddy, and my dogs are now. I know dogs are not human kids, obviously, so when people make comments about that I just laugh to myself because my dogs seem to be giving me so much more joy than their kids usually are giving them. One friend told me she decided to have human kids because her dogs always were dying on her. Well, duh! Dogs don't live as long as humans. But, there are so many out there waiting for adoption I try to think of them all as being part of the Great Realm of Dogs - always going to be new ones in need. Even though the loss of a pet is always painful! I just can't understand having kids as a way of producing a kind of life companion that will outlive a parent.Doesn't always happen that way.

I have a weird philosophy concerning pets and animals compared to kids. Yet any real "child envy" remarks are usually hidden, and never out right voiced. Most people say "you've raised kittens and puppies, you'd obviously make a great mother" or "You love your animals so much, you should consider a child"

When it comes down to it, much to everyone's dismay, I choose to care for animals because I know the rewards are great. The love and affection you receive from a pet is unconditional. You could argue that their only affectionate because you feed them. Yet you really can't explain why some dogs and even cats love their owners even though their treated poorly. With children it's "hit and miss" there is no way to say for certain that a child will grow up and love you. As much as parents would love to believe otherwise, it just doesn't always happen according to plan. Even children who were loved, may even grow up to dislike their parents for what ever reason. Not to mention the lack of "I hate you" every time they don't get their way is a blessing.

With animals their just more honest about their affections, they can't say a word to you, but talk is cheap anyways. A child can easily say "I love you Mommy/Daddy" but somehow they don't get what they want in the very same hour and their screaming "I hate you!" at the top of their lungs. Animals on the other hand, never really hate you, they can be sad, but as far as hate goes, none of my animals has ever displayed a form of hate to me. They've always been loving, affectionate, and sweet. Which is more than I can say sometimes for parents who moan to me about how their children never come around or call.

Not to mention there is a lack of anxiety with animals, well of course we worry when we're away for extended periods of time and have left our animals in the care of someone else. It's natural to worry becuase we're uncertain if their going to get loved and treated with kindness from someone we barely know. Yet we never have to worry about them sneaking outta the house to attend a frat party. We never have to teach our animals about "the birds and the bees" or about "STD's"

Animals are just much easier to get along with becuase we never have to compromise our values. They love us however we are, and never ask us to be anything else.

That reminds me of a Far Side cartoon: A dog tethered to the mast of a Viking ship wags its tail as its owner and other Vikings return from a burning castle, carrying women over their shoulders. What he wanted to convey was that no matter how horrible a person you are, no matter what you do...your dog will always wag his tail when you come home. Awwww! :)

OMG!!! I am SO SICK of that! I've lost count of how many times I've been (WRONGLY)accused of projecting my (ALLEGED) desire to be a mother on my pet, my plants. Why can't it be seen for what it is: giving love and care and ENJOYING it? At least with pets, they APPRECIATE it! And I suppose plants do too, a well-cared for plant is a thing of beauty. My (now EX)mother in law made a remark that really grated on me. I was playing with my cat and I held him in my arms...I suppose it LOOKS as if I was holding him as if he were a baby and she said to my ex husband (which was just loud enough for me to hear)"See? Look at that! I guess she really wants to have kids after all!". Um, no? I do that because I love holding my cat and he likes being held that way, it relaxes him and oftentimes it makes him purr. That's IT!!! If you put a BABY in MY arms??? Shoot, there'd better be a mattress on the floor *lmao* If the only way in the world I'm allowed to express nurturing love and care is to squirt a "reason" out of my crotch, I'm buying a ticket to the moon! That is NOT a world I want to live in! No wonder this planet is so effed up!