BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Almost changed my mind

Hello fabulous CF forum!! I don't believe I've ever posted on the forum and needed an outlet today and thought this was the perfect place

I just turned 37 and coming up on 11 years of marriage. My husband and I never planned on having kids, but in the last couple years we've had a few talks about maybe considering it. I'm not sure if it's because of my age or because of some health issues I was having, or because I've been around babies a lot lately, but the subject was becoming frequent. Was I feeling my clock ticking?

Recently, I signed up to train for a 10k and am hoping to reach a personal goal to do a marathon. My husband and I thought that if we were going to try for a baby that this Spring would be good timing. Then I thought how I want to do that 1/2 marathon in July and try and do a certain local race next year. And now I can take dance classes and do yoga. I want to learn to garden and cook better, I want to keep having Sunday Funday, I want to travel more, I want to continue to read 4 books a week if I want or veg on the couch and watch movies all day, I'd love to go to college - I'll stop now or else the list won't end It took about a week to realize that all the stuff I was finally being able to do or have the option to do with my health issues getting conquered (YAY) would not get accomplished with kids. Well, maybe they would some day, but that's a big IF.

I have a full life ahead of me and I can do whatever I want. Having kids is not one of them. I do love babies and I have no problems being around kids, but I just don't want them. I love the life my husband and I have and my big furry family - 2 dogs and 2 cats - and I don't want to jeopordize that.

I felt such relief coming to this decision. I have closure. I'm so happy to be at this point and can't think of many that would appreciate these thoughts. Thank you for listening and contributing all you do to this forum - it's great support!

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better! Well enough to accomplish things in your life! I'm also glad to hear that you've come to a sound decision and seem happy about it! I hope you and your husband have many many fun filled days ahead of you =)

Hi Staci, I can't tell you how happy I was to read your post!

There have been many posts recently questioning the decision to have kids or not. Women undecided on such a huge issue, and it's always good to give support whatever the question, but their self doubt, and obvious pain does rub off a little.

In truth, it also throws up issues about our own individual choice, and sometimes makes me question my own choice, which although I'm happy with my childfree lifestyle, forces me to mull over the reasons for and against, again in my head.
Sometimes it can be unsettling, and creates negative energy.

BUT it's such a relief to read a 'i'm happy with my lifestyle choice' and 'isn't life great' that I wanted to tell you how much it affected me, in a positive way.
Made me want to jump up and shout.
Plus it reinforces all the reasons why I choose too to not have kids, and today being a prime example.
Now, plant seedlings for the greenhouse, download music onto stick for the car, prepare romantic meal for tonight with hubby, help friend with her website this afternoon......
Oooh, life is great.
Thanks again x

Staci, Your post is great! So positive, realistic, and intelligently thought out. Love it!! I, too, around your age (35), been married 10 years, and had thoughts about conceiving a few years ago, even though we never planned on it. My husband and I talked about it extensively and realized that it just wasn't something we should do. For many of the reasons you stated and more. So - I ended up going back to school graduating with my Masters, and he is on his way there as well. We have 9 beautiful nieces and nephews, with I'm sure more on the way in the future as he has six brothers & sisters, and 7 of the kids are from my two brothers' wives. (He's the second oldest in his family). So why not be the "cool" aunt & uncle and spoil our siblings' kids rotten? Then we can send them home! :) Love your attitude & appreciate your contribution to this forum. People who don't "understand" not wanting kids need to read it!!

I agree with all the posts, especially with you Gaynor! The negativity of people struggling with this decision does make me feel bad, too, sometimes, especially because I have struggled for a long time before reaching the decision to be CF and being happy about it. I still have doubts sometimes, but less and less as time goes on, especially since I found this awesome forum and all you amazing people on it! Thanks for sharing your positive thoughts Staci! XO to all

I'm so happy for you, Staci...though not without a "whew-dodged-a-bullet" feeling *lol*. Kids seem to be a popular option with people who lack identity and direction in their lives (looking outward to fill in the "hole" in their life with something external or in this case another person when in reality that hole is in THEMSELF...Something that can only be fixed by looking WITHIN). This is clearly not the case with you (yay!). On the contrary, your outlook is "look out world! No setback, force of nature or baby can hold ME back!!" *lol* We really need more positive examples of childfree lives. Besides there being too many traitors (women who swear they're childfree for life, then turn around and breed *lol*),there are too many childfrees around that really do reinforce the more negative stereotypes about childfreedom...Like literally hating children, or being so self-absorbed it's almost as if you live in a bubble...And it's usually these very types who are portrayed most in the media, giving ALL of us a bad rep. But then again, the same(sometimes BOTH) can be said about many parents out there (being selfish and disliking children). It's a sad & ugly truth. It reminds me of a magazine article that showcased the worst baby showers ever...these moo-to-be's were so ego-centric and self-centered, I was surprised that there wasn't a shrine set up for them to sit upon while the guests lined up to lay down their offerings and kiss their nasty, swollen pregnancy feet! (x_x) I wish I still had the link for the article...some real disasters. Pregnancy can really turn a good woman into a monster moo whose awareness of the world ends at her swollen sow gut.

Definitely post that baby shower article if you can find it!! Sounds like it would make for a good laugh.