BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Men don't talk about kids

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal...and remember to tip your waitress. :D

Where I work, men are the only ones mentioning their kids... because they are the only ones who have them, oddly enough. I'm a biologist, work in a lab most of the time (they occasionally let me out for field work:) ), and most of us women don't have kids and don't want them (a few say they want them later down the line, but everyone is over 30, so I don't know when they are planning it). Maybe it's not our inclination in our field. Maybe some of them don't want it to hold back their careers, which I'm sure it would. All the guys who have them are married to women who work outside our field, and men are always happy to follow suit with whatever the women they love want. From what I've seen, having kids has never stopped my boss from going off to Belize for a month to do some field work. Don't know how many women would be able to get away with that.

So, yeah, at my work, only the men ever gab about kids. Hehe.

-D.

Dolyn, I tend to agree with you on how sometimes choice of career can impact the decision to have kids. There was a post in the last year about this, and my opinions seemed to digress from others. Like you, I work in a science & tech field where the female population is nill to none. I notice that the difference between me and my other female friends is that I am considered an "essential" part of my team at work because of my training, and that years of working with a male population has led me to think and react to job-related situations much like them. In most female-oriented careers, such as teaching and nursing, the system is rigged to make position backfills easier in the case that a woman decides to take a baby break. Where I work, the universe crumbles if I am gone for two weeks personal leave (just experienced this over Christmas vacation ), and I was almost sorry that I even took the time off. I guess since I have always placed career over having a family, it has bothered me as much. But my female friends are appalled when I tell them how much overtime I have to work and what is expected of me at my job, because most of them have it pretty easy in terms of hours.

Long post, but that's my two cents on how career has impacted my decision not to raise a family. Amongst my already-existing responsibilities, I do good just to pay attention to my husband's needs without the additional interruption of kids.

I'd actually say my field (Biology) is split about 50/50 in terms of men and women. My lab is actually, currently all women (and relatively young, all in our 20s and 30s). But we have noticed how all the higher-ups are still men (like my boss). Now, I don't know if this is a hangover effect from the olden days when men dominated my field, or if it's because by the time women get to their age they have had kids, taken time off of work, and just didn't get enough time and experience in to have the same credentials as all the old men. I'm sincerely hoping it's the former, and that me and all my lab-mates will go on to do great things.

Time will tell I guess. I just know that if taking time off to "raise a family" is the reason women in the workplace don't get ahead, that shouldn't be a problem for me.

Wow -- encouraging to know that there is an existent female population where you work! When I was completing my engineering degree, the student body was about 50/50, but in my professional arena about 98% men, for a lot of the same reasons you gave (older generation). But the few woman engineers I have worked with in the past has gone on to have kids. And they have to go to part-time status, which effectively means that a nice piece of their workload is transferred to someone else.

I think your choice of career probably does have a bearing on it. My partner and I are also scientists (he Chemistry, me Maths/Physics) and I think there is a slightly higher proportion of people within the sciences that don't want children. I don't know if it is because we have better access to the latest data and are more accepting of overpopulation or what but I do feel there is a difference.

Mind you, previous studies showed a link between high IQ and having no children, and I guess the sciences probably average a higher IQ than many other professions. (N.B. please note I say average, in no way am I asserting that you can judge someone's IQ by their career, OR for that matter that all parents have low IQs).

"Men, sensibly, are more inclined to have more inclusive discussion about things that are happening in the world rather than things that are solely about themselves." I could have sworn I had posted something about this on here! I'd written I usually end up talking to the guys at social gatherings because they're more likely to talk about politics or economy, whereas the ladies are all about diapers and poo. I guess my browser must've screwed up before I got a chance to post it. Anyway, something someone said above reminds of a Seinfeld episode called The Soul Mate, in which one of Elaine's female friends is shown finishing a sentence like this: "... and because it comes out of YOUR baby, it smells good!" hahaha so funny. In fact, this is an episode about CF people, I recommend whoever liked Seinfeld watch it :) Edit: [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlHA-1nAFwc]here[/url] 's a really short clip of the episode, including the line I mentioned. So funny :)

Okay, the UBB code thing won't work... LOL

" Elaine...ya gotta have a baby!" LOL! Love it! :D

[quote=Audreydc1983]I guess (because I really don't know) that when you have a parasite take residence in your body for 9 months, you eventually succumb to Stockholm Syndrome. :D (OMG, I'm so funny! HAHAHAHA!!!) -Holy crappp! That was always my theory! Either you overheard me talking at one time or you're a freaking mind-reader! *lmao*