BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Men don't talk about kids

I work in a job where men talk about their kids only once in a while (I'm 30 and married). And I am a female engineer that practically works with all men all the time. There is a huge difference in these men that I work with vs. my female friends/peers. My female friends at church talk about every minute detail involving their kids: the diapers, messy feedings, etc -- and they take a great deal of pride in that. Watching the behaviors of both men and women make me realize just how wrong motherhood would be for me. First of all, I do not have such a strong nurturing nature such that I would cherish a dirty diaper or mess on the floor. Also, I have always believed that a Dad should throw in his "50%" of the child-rearing job -- probably because I wouldn't care enough to do 95% of the job myself!!!

Hi everyone. We all have to be careful to be compassionate and caring on these forum threads. The MNK forum is a retreat for people who are married without children, to talk with each other and get support. We should be caring for each other here, and looking for ways to make each others' lives better!

I removed the posts that were inflammatory on both ends.

LawyerGal/FriendlyGal - please be aware that we do not permit posts that harass other posters' opinions and ideas.

What the heck is going on with this thread?! Anyways.... I guess (because I really don't know) that when you have a parasite take residence in your body for 9 months, you eventually succumb to Stockholm Syndrome. :D (OMG, I'm so funny! HAHAHAHA!!!) Okay, seriously now. I was talking with a friend of mine earlier about this...that some men really just expect to go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep - and the relationship(s) will just take care of themselves. My husband is included in this view...he feels that if he goes to work, he isn't "required" to participate in the marriage. It's taken me quite a long time to help him realize that relationships are not "static". They don't "take care of themselves". They are practically living organisms that require care and attention on a regular basis. So, what I'm trying to say is, some men don't truly connect or "tune in" to life at home - so it's much easier to separate work and home. I hope that sounds right...It made sense to me. :D

Relationships take work, but the work doesn't have to be unpleasant.

Sorry Jilly

That is hilarious!!!!

Aw 21, I have to agree with you. I have often worked just with men and they are not inclined to talk about their children unless specifically asked. Men, sensibly, are more inclined to have more inclusive discussion about things that are happening in the world rather than things that are solely about themselves.

And when children are around, even men that have their own tend to disappear along with the non-dads and leave the women to it!

You gotta love men, they have their priorities straight.

Ooops, just realised that I'm the only one to be totally okay with men not bothering much about the kids :-D

Men are men, women are women, we are different. It doesn't matter what progress we make with human rights and equality we can not and should not force someone to be something that they are not.

Why should we consider it wrong if a man doesn't talk about his children? I'm pretty sure my mum didn't chat about her children anywhere near as much as today's mums do. She didn't do this because she understood that the children are HER children, not her colleague's children or her friends' children, just HERS. She wasn't full enough of her own self-importance to think that anyone else wanted to hear the ins and outs of what her children were doing. She would tell people when they asked but as a sensible, considerate adult she chatted happily about inclusive subjects that anyone could join in with.

To me this is the way it should be. Mums talk about their kids all the time to get 'me me me' style attention. Who wants to be around people like that? The dads understand that while their child is of interest to them that no-one else is the child's parent and so no-one is (or should be) partilcularly interested in their child.

It's today's moms that have got it all wrong. Older generation moms just weren't as self-obsessed talking about themselves and their child all the time.

Basically my mum actually had a life, I guess a lot of today's moms just don't! :-D

Thanks everyone for your feedback. It just would be nice for men to acknowledge their families once in awhile. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that sees this.
I'm glad that I have found this forum and to know that I am not crazy for doubting having kids. I'm in my early 20's, so maybe I'll change my mind later, like when I get married etc. Right now, the obvious cons (time, money, responsibilities, and any others that other members have mentioned in posts) do not outweigh the pros. My boyfriend and I are getting serious and he says he is ok with not having kids but there's always that chance that he will change his mind. It's good to know other people have been through this decision making process and what their outcomes were. I just wish that more people understood that kids are a choice and you don't have to pump all of YOUR time, money and sweat into raising another human being. You can enjoy life with just your significant other (and pets lol).

Wow, a lot of deleted posts her...kinda wish I had the chance read them but at the same time glad that I did not.