BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Really!?! child envy!?!

Is anyone else tired of people telling them that they treat their dog/cat/ferret/hamster/whatever animal you share your life with well because they are just a substitute child...and the only reason you treat them well is because you want a child?

My husband and I are going to the Bahamas for our 1st anniversary. Unfortunately, we need to board our dog, so I have been tirelessly searching for the best possible place to leave her. I found a rather expensive pet spa and resort, so, after touring it, we scheduled her stay...when my husband's family found out, the whispers started that we treat her to the best of the best because we want kids so badly but won't admit it. Um, no. We treat our dog to the best care/services/treats because we can afford it, and we love our dog. Plain and simple. No other motives. No secret longings. We just love our dog. We spoil her rotten because she started out full of parasites and illness at an Amish Puppy mill, and we want her to have a far better life than that. Anyone else experience this?

I've heard it second hand before, but the only person whoever actually said it to me was one of my friends/coworkers. I lovingly refer to my cats as "my kids". You know, "Gotta get home and feed the kids:)." I'm under no delusion that they are actually the fruit of my loins, but god knows I love them and give them anything their little kitty hearts could possibly desire.

So, one day after I made reference to my "kids," he said, " Why don't you just have a baby. You say you don't want kids, but clearly you have the mothering instinct and want to take care of someone." (Don't freak out about the comment, he's a dear, dear friend of mine, and I like to converse with my friends about all facets of life.) So, I had to school him. I told him, "I don't take care of my cats because I want to take care of my cats. Scooping kitty litter, cleaning up hair balls, and being woken up by hungry kitties is not something I ACHE for. I take care of my cats so they don't die. I like having cats around, and there is a certain amount of work that is required for their health and psychological well-being. See, I WANT to have cats, that's why I have them. I DON'T want to have children, so I don't have children. My cats are not substitute humans, they are simply the only living creatures which I choose to take care of. That makes them my kids."

I'm sure there must be other people who wonder that about me, but they must keep it to themselves.

You know what I do ache for? A dog. Oh, to have a dog again. I definitely have dog envy. We always had them growing up (2 chocolate labs, a spaniel mix, and an American bulldog. All rescues). But, I wouldn't get one without a backyard for it to have fun in when we had to be gone. Actually, I'd have to get 2 (I believe animals should always come in pairs to keep each other company:) ). Alas, I now have the backyard, but I don't think my cats could take it. The limited interactions they have had with dogs have always been a disaster, especially our deaf cat. ::sigh:: I guess it'll just have to wait.

My dog is my baby. :) [url]http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s274/audreydc1983/Friends%20and%20Family/Just%20Me/LokiNme3.jpg [/url] But still - I recognize that he's a dog. He needs love and attention - but (being 7 years old) doesn't need it all the time (he's started sleeping more). After all - you couldn't put a kid in a crate (or tie them up in the backyard) and go out for a few hours. Well, on second thought, you could...but you'd probably go to jail. XD My dog has stomach problems, that occur infrequently, and for no reason that I can discern (he may be "channeling" my anxiety to a degree, but IDK). He can't tell me what's wrong...but at least I don't have poop INSIDE the house...UGH! :P I'd much rather have my dog than a kid, though. I've always had much better rapport with dogs than with children - I've even "Cesar Milan"ed my husband...and it worked. :D Honestly, I figure it's FAR cheaper to send my dog to a "run with the pack" type boarding facility than to send a kid through school...and buy their clothes (and expensive little shoes they grow out of every 6 months)...pay for <fill in the blank> lessons...and *still* have to nurture them MYSELF, when all is said and done. My puppy gives me cuddles and big wet kisses. I don't need another butt to wipe. :D

I had a little bit of this experience today. A friend got a new puppy. I was holding the little one and said, "mmmm, baby smell." And he said "but that is better."

I said, "yes, this is better than having a baby."

And he said, "no I meant having a baby is better."

Different strokes. I can't see anything better about a human baby.

I heard that line many times, but it doesn't apply to me. I have 2 kids. They grew up but my dog and cats didn't. I love the constant playfulness and the never-ending interaction. I spoil them and it's totally worth it!

great replies, everyone, and ditto.
It's funny isn't it, that if someone sees you giving affection to, or talking with love about a pet, that they automatically assume you're hankering after a child. I've had that, although noone has said it to my face, it's obvious sometimes, that's what they're thinking. Which is incredibly annoying.
Lets face it, a baby is only that for a short time, then it's toddling, and saying 'get off me mummy' when those women try, often in vain, to have a kiss or cuddle from their offspring.

I have to say I love babies. really, I could sit and cuddle them, and fuss them, but I wouldn't want one ALL the time.
I come under the traditional man bracket - when it comes to kids, I would only want the 'kodak times'. I have to say, the thought of 24/7 raising a child, ( when the cuddly baby times are only 9 months at best) makes me go into 'rabbit caught in headlight' mode. Then it's the hard slog of 18 years hard
labour !

That's the joy of my cat. she sleeps alot ( curled up on my lap as we speak ) and I can kiss and cuddle her when I feel like it ( ok, when she's in the mood too. )
Plus, I know she's not a child. I treat her like a cat, with all the love and attention any animal deserves.
of course it comes across as the same affection you'd give a child - affection is affection!

It reminds me of a story my mothers friend told me many years ago. she was a midwife, and one particular woman, had 12 kids,one after the other, and her health was being badly affected by childbirth, so she was persuaded to have a hysterectomy.
her husband wouldn't discuss it, let alone have the snip ( Ah the joys of days gone by..)
Anyway, when the midwife asked her later on how she was doing, her reply ? 'I miss the babies.' apparently, she had a rocking chair to nurse the little ones, while the older kids basically looked after themselves. Speaks volumes ?
She should have had a cat ;-D

I loooove cats, but am allergic to them :( If I were filthy rich maybe I'd try one of those allerca cats! And spoil it rotten :) I live in a small apartment, so I don't have a dog either. I love to play with other people's dogs, (much like I do with other people's children) but sometimes even a pet seems like too much trouble, or that it'll tie me down. And I'm sure no one in here is going to give me trouble if I say I might never get a pet myself. It's choices people make, and those who can't deal with the enormous variety of lifestyles out there are just narrow-minded saps. Still, annoying! But this reminds that a while ago I heard someone say, outraged: "Some people, they like dogs better than they like humans!". I replied: "Depending on the human, it makes perfect sense!".

Yes sabine, I like my dogs better than some humans I know! I have 2 kids, grown up now, but I would rather spend time with my dog than some of the humans on this planet.

Mu husband and I have 4 personal dogs, 1 foster dog, 1 client dog (he's here to be shown in conformation shows) .... plus two cats and a snake. We do not have kids, we do not like kids, we do not want kids. But we adore our animals. We are active in fostering, but that doesn't mean we want to foster or adopt a human child. In fact, so many of the rescue dogs have been put in that position *because* their former owners decided to have kids! The animals we share our life with are not replacements for human children... they are are merely improved versions. ;)

I'm no particular animal person and even I can see that animals are not substitutes for children. With animals you pretty much only get the good (once they are trained) but with children you will always get the good and the bad. Your animal won't go off you as it gets older just because of its hormones. There is a big difference between having pets and having children and the people who don't see that must have some kind of cognitive issues I think.