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#658265 01/24/11 09:37 PM
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aw21 Offline OP
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I work on a farm with men, I am the only female. I have noticed that all of the men have children but none of them talk about them or are the primary caretakers. For example, there are not cute stories about the kids first steps, broken bones, sports awards etc. I know their kids get sick, go to doctor appointments, sporting events etc but the men never take time off for these things. This means that the women must do all of the child rearing. Never do they pick their kids up from school for being sick, leave early for sports or doctor appointments, birthdays etc. The only conversations we have are work related only.For the longest time, I didn't know that most of my coworkers even had kids.As a female in my early 20's, I don't at all see any reason to have kids and these observations do not add incentive. Maybe if my clocks starts ticking I will get it. It makes me think that men want kids but do not raise them. Does anyone else notice this?

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Hmm, it may have to do with the fact that you're in your early 20's. Are you single? Men will often not talk about their wives or children around a young, single woman, as they don't want to feel like "old, married men". I say this only as a possible explanation for why they don't talk about their kids, because most of the men I know who have kids do talk about them, especially if I bring up the subject first. Once they realize that I'm an old married broad with kids, they are generally eager to start telling me their stories and whipping out their photos.

I'm curious to hear what others' experiences are on this subject.

--Maria

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Shark
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Maria could be right on that. Men tend to want to appear available to attractive young women, even if they have no intention of pursuing a relationship. But I do think that in general men do not speak of their children nearly as much as women do.

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Still, the part about them not being the primary carer rings very true to me. There are exceptions, and I praise them, but it seems to me like the majority of men only want to be "fun time" dad, and the mother has to do 95% of the work. They want to HAVE kids, but not to RAISE them. It's like kids that push mommy to get them a puppy, but once it's there they never walk it or clean up after it. Also, it doesn't seem to me that they'd talk about how cute or awesome their kids are even if there were only men around. (Even though I agree men often want to appear avaliable.)

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aw21 Offline OP
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Maria Elizabeth Romana-I am in a relationship and my coworkers know it.
Actually, some of the employees are related (uncles). Even they do not talk about my cousins. I have no idea what is going on in their lives. Other coworkers joke about getting drunk, latest gossip, tractors etc. Woman on the other hand, whether on facebook or in person, have no problem discussing kids. I just wonder why men never talk about their family-wives or kids. Another example is my grandparents. My grandpa was never around (off fishing). My grandma did everything around the house. My family was talking about childhood stories and grandpa had nothing to say for 2 hours because he never raised the kids. The only stories he ever tells has to do with fishing-not one word about family. I realize that in their day men worked and woman were housewives but it's a shame that grandpa has nothing to show for it.

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[removed by BellaOnline Staff for TOS violations]

Last edited by Jilly; 01/28/11 02:39 AM.
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FriendlyGal-I am white.My boyfriend does not work for the same company I work for. He is a self employed farmer. My coworkers know who my boyfriend. I am not romantically involved with any of the coworkers. I am o.k. with talking about work only; just wondering why wives and kids are never mentioned. I'm sure they play a big part of their lives.I think you misunderstood my post.

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Wow, yeah, I think FriendlyGal definitely misunderstood your post! "Are you Hooker?" Uhh, nice. Aw21, I have noticed this as well. Mostly at work too. I work in an office and it's almost always the women who talk about their kids more, have pictures on their desks. A few exceptions to the rule, esp. when the kids are babies and the men come in tired from not getting sleep. And my ex-boss did have a pic of his kids as his wallpaper. But it annoys me. Why don't they talk about it as much? Why does it seem to just consume more women than men?

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I still say most men aren't really involved in raising the kids. My dad was like that, quite oblivious to the whole process. As far as I'm concerned he never once got up in the middle of the night to attend to me when I cried. Mom had to do it all, along with PPD and an 8-hour job. Gosh, it's times like these when I hate the roles society pushes upon people. I refuse to have my life ruled by such preconceptions. Grrr!

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I agree with all of the above, men don't talk about their kids the way women do. Men don't look after kids the way women do. Men seem to be concerned with things like football (soccer), pornography, food, cars, women (not talking about family members here)anything worldly that takes them away from the 'family' realm.

I am not putting a downer on men here but they seem oblivious to many things that women see. I don't even think its because they don't want to see just that what is important to women isn't important to men. First tooth, first step, first poo on its own.

Having said that my neice's bf dotes on his daughter to the extent that my neice has to steal her daughter away to get a cuddle and he never stops talking about her to anyone he can.

Men huh, will we ever understand them?

Peace and hugs


Linda Heywood

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