BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Friends having kids, but I don't want them

I am 28...around the age when most women are getting married and/or having kids. I've known for a long time that I absolutely don't want children. Yesterday one of the few close female friends I have (also 28) told me she is pregnant. Although I am happy for her, I immediately felt a selfish feeling. I am sad that I won't be able to go out with her, especially this coming summer, have fun (happy hours, going to bars on occasion, riding bikes in the neighborhood etc.). She will be pregnant so she obviously will not be able to do those things. Selfish of me to think this...I know, but I always knew this day would come when everyone around me was having kids I would be left with no female friend to do fun spontaneous things with. I'm only 28, so I feel like is just the beginning....the older I get the more and more I feel like this will be a problem. At work I already feel like I can't standing being in the breakroom because most of the conversation is about their kids (I work with mostly women). Does it just get worse with age or what??? Or do you just get use to the child centered bs?

I am in my late 40's. All of my girlfriends, ones who were friends in my 20's, all have kids. Some started back in their 20's, some didn't have their first until they were 40. Each time, I hoped that they would be similar to my mother who was the first in her social circle to have kids. My mom maintained her solo social life after I was born....my friends...well times have changed. No longer do the kids become part of one's life, kids become the 'centre' of life. So one by one my solo social time with my gfs dwindled to almost nothing. One gf became a sahm after the first. Her two kids are now 10 & 12. While as couples we see them several times a year, my gf and I have been out just the two of us, about 4 times in those 12 years! I have learned to do many things on my own. I have also made new friends over the years. Unfortunately many of those are over 10yrs younger than me and starting to have kids too. But on the bright side, friends who had kids in their 20's are now starting to return as their kids go off to university. You working with mainly women certainly doesn't help at all. I work in a male dominated industry so it's easy to avoid the kid talk. Guys just don't seem to talk about their kids so much. So you are going to have to try and hang out with the women who aren't as focused and learn to be okay doing your own thing. Read a book or go for a walk at lunchtime. Include the more 'cool' chicks so that you don't alienate yourself more than will happen naturally with you not being all kid centric. Away from office, get out there and look for new friends. Hobbies and any childfree networks will help (no kidding and others) Good luck.

You're not being selfish at all; it's pretty normal to feel this way. I'm going through the same thing as my best friend is expecting a baby in June. I'm really happy for her, but I'm still sad that we won't get to spend as much time together. At this point I'm just hoping that she'll be one of those Moms who needs to do stuff without the kids from time to time and that that's where I'll come in. I'm also trying to cultivate other friendships but it's hard. At least, as fastfox said, the kids do grow up eventually. I'm only 34 so none of my friends kids are grown up or even teenagers yet. Still, some of my friends had their kids in their 20s and they're now elementary school age which makes a big difference!

I'm afraid I can't be any more optomistic than the others.
It is difficult going against the grain, when it seems everyone around is having kids.
And no, to be honest it doesn't get better. The more I was around people with kids ( as their sole conversation ) the more depressing it is, and I moved away from that, which sometimes isn't easy, depending on the circumstances.
HOWEVER. once you find other friends who don't have kids, or have more varied interests - and believe me, you will - it's much easier.
I'm 45 now - today in fact - and I have really good CF friends, four close couples, and other wider ' friends ' but it does get easier finding them when you're older.
We're having birthday cocktails this afternoon, followed by a meal out ! great fun. So don't stress, it just takes time, to find fun people to be around. they are there in your area - probably looking for someone like you.
Commiserations with the work thing, though. I never had that, working with mainly men. fab working relationships.
No backstabbing ( in general ) no snide remarks ( in general ) and if you didn't want to go out socially on a particular evening, there wasn't an inquisition as to why.

Head up, shoulders back. we've all been there too.
the alternative ? a couple of screaming kids....
the knowledge that you know what you want will get you through.

I've had this happen too, I've grown apart from my original BFF because she had a kid. Not that she's the type to forget about me & only hang out with parents but we don't have as much in common anymore. Alot of other people around me have had kids & or want them really bad, heh, I always try to suggest that they adopt. :p

I seem to have lost most of my friends. One makes plans with me (she's the one who initiates even) and then always cancels the day of. Others just tell me they want to hang out with people who "know what they're going through." I'd love to see my friends. I'd love to watch their kids grow up without having to have a Facebook account. But that's the way life is. I'm no longer invited to the birthday parties, so I don't even have that anymore.

I am trying to make new friends, but it's so hard at my age. I'm in school again, but no one is really a "friend." Mostly people at work and school are acquaintances. That's about it.

Life will get better when I get into the nursing home I'm sure. By then, no one will talk about their kids because their kids will never visit. So we'll have tons in common. Right?

I'm just venting. Sorry. I'm lucky to have the very few friends I do have. When I was trying to have a child and couldn't, I lost friends who didn't want my baggage (not friends I guess, huh?). When I got divorced, I lost friends who thought it was awkward to pick which of us to continue contact with. When I quit my job of 11 years to go to grad school, everyone seemed to forget me before I was even gone.

I shower daily, I keep my hair neat, I brush my teeth and floss, heck, I even shave my underarms. Still, to no avail.

I am glad to say that one friend from my married days is back in contact with me. It's a nice feeling. She is single with no kids, but she really does want to get married and have a family. I don't mind. I had that same desire once.