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Stepdaughter grounded for previously having sex in a truck and getting caught. Now she's giving blow jobs in the school parking lot at noon. And who knows what else. We grounded her to keep her under our thumbs, so we can make sure she is not doing more stupid things. She is 16. Now what do we do?

Grounding her is only a temporary solution. You can't keep her under lock and key forever. She's obviously acting out for a reason. A lot of girls will use sex as a way to get attention from boys which they interpret as affection. Young girls are experimenting with their sexual powers.

Some girls who are highly hormonally charged could develop sexual dysfunction such as nymphomania. Others are acting out because of early childhood sexual abuse. They feel that sex is currency, the only one that males want from them.

Your stepdaughter needs counseling--fast. She doesn't realize the health risks she's taking for having sex with multiple partners. Even oral sex subjects her to STDs.

And physical health aside, there will be emotional scars from all this. This lowers her self-esteem greatly whether or not she realizes it.

Please, please take her to counseling. And not to one who will judge her actions but endeavor to understand them. And help her understand her underlying motivations and impulses.

Try not to judge her actions. She is crying out for attention and help. Please help her.

I would have to say that yes your daughter seems to need counseling. But I also want to ask are you the stepmother and if so is her mother still in her life or can I get a little history to give you a better response other than counseling. This must be a great strain on you and your family, just when you think you are doing your best.

Tuculia Washington
Daughters Site Editor
TCW

I would like to see this through with you, I want to make sure she has someone she can talk to and it's not a shrink. The insurance will not be an issue as long as she is a minor she will be covered. The more she's grounded or put on punishment the more she will strike out. I would like to work with you on a couple of suggestions, please make contact with me.

Now we are told that the blow jobs are just rumors, made up by a former "boyfriend". We do not know if this is true, though. We have no way of knowing what is truth or not, as it is at school. We have contacted a few of her "friends" and one teacher so far. They think it's a rumor, supposedly. But why would her friends rat her out and tell us the truth if she were doing that? They wouldn't. And the teacher, how would he really know? Yes, her bio mom is still in her life. Sees her about once a month over a weekend or so. Not much contact, other than phone calls.

You are the key, she is looking for that motherly attention from you. You are the closest thing to a mother that she has, and she probably does not know how to ask for time with you. Every daughter wants to be loved by her mother, the bio mom is in her life very little. It is your love she's looking for. You and her need to spend some time together and make a day of it. Go and get ped and manicures and get your hair done and then have a bite to eat. You will see a change in her that you won't believe, in home and in school. You are the key, and she knows you care. Let me know how this works or what you think about the idea. You can either send me a note through the forum or a direct email at daughters@bellaonline.com to give me an update.

Tuculia Washington
Daughter Editor