BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "You'll change you mind" a euphemism for...?

Dolyn, I have an allergy to that stuff too. But let me tell you I've used it anyway. I don't know, but she takes it (the morning after pill)It can't be good for you...lol. See that's the scary part you didn't even have a ripped condom...WEIRD. Thanks for sharing:) Good for you on getting the tubes tied. My hubby is going for a vasectomy soon...can't wait. I will probably still want to use condoms...lol and definitely pull out. i know, I'm crazy!!!

"You'll change your mind" is, I think, sometimes code for "you're just saying that because you don't like being thought of as a girly girl, but some day you'll grow up and admit it" or worse still "you're just saying that because you can't have them and don't want to admit how upset you are about it". Alternatively it could genuinely be that they simply have seen others change their mind but I don't think that's a good enough reason to make such a comment to someone since we are all so different. When it's said to me I just reel off a list of all the people I know who didn't change their mind.

"It's different when it's your own" is of course very true. The times when it has 'been mine' (i.e. I've been main carer for a child for a time) it IS different. It's amazing how easy it is to cope with puke and poo when you know this little thing is totally dependent on you to deal with the situation. The screaming isn't AS bad when you are over-ridden with concern for what is wrong with the child. BUT, and it's a big 'but', the fact that I am quite sure I would love any child I bore isn't the point, I don't want children, to have a child would just leave me making the best of a situation I didn't want to be in in the first place. Yes I would most likely love my child a ridiculous amount since I do my nieces, but at the moment I get to love children that much without all the negative side of having children!

I have learned to live with constant pain, but not because I'm happy having that pain (I would remove it if I could) but because I am just making the best of my circumstances!

Very well put, those are common assumptions I had forgotten. I was single most of my life so I know the implication.

I reckon the "You'll change your mind" connotation is much worse. I think the subtext is: "When you grow up and realise that life isn't all about you, you'll want children and see the error of your immature ways and your half-lived life." I am completely surrounded by baby-crazy family - parents, MIL, sister, cousins, everyone - and when they're around me, these type of comments come up. They are seething under the surface - it's like watching steam escape from under a saucepan lid. There's no doubt in my mind that they consider me incredibly selfish and immature for not having reproduced yet, and I'm pretty sure they say all sorts of choice insults about me behind my back - but at the same time they have to be careful, because for all they know my husband and I are having trouble conceiving. So they try to goad me into revealing my hand by making nasty comments. I think people with children are often more negative in their thoughts about women without kids than they would ever admit. Just like I can't tell them the full horror of how their lives often seem to me! Of course, there are some very enlightened parents out there who believe in free choice and don't think any less of those who choose not to have them. But I think that there are many more who simply hate the child-free. Or maybe I'm just biased, because of my delightful family!

I gotta agree with Bostongal1 on this one, but that's becuase I get the feeling my maturity is often challenged becuase I don't have kids. Since I have a HUGE complex when it comes to my intelligence or my maturity being challenged the comments; "You'll change your mind" only serves to infuriate me beyond belief. Despite being a very easy-going individual any other time of the day. Though I think that people sincerely believe that you'll change your mind some day. That because we are human we have the ability to decide one way, but the privilege to contradict ourselves and decide the opposite way on a whim. It's very human to feel one way one minute and an entirely different way the next. People are indecisive like that. Yet there are people, I'm sure, like myself who, when they decide against something, there isn't a force powerful enough to change their mind. The people with sound conviction in what they want in life and out of life entirely. So the argument "you'll change your mind" isn't a very effective one becuase not EVERYONE is as indecisive as they assume. I think a lot of people feel negatively towards child-free people out of jealousy and sometimes resentment. People who aren't comfortable in their decision to have kids are naturally going to feel a huge amount of displeasure at their life so they pass on this negativity to people who have what they don't. It happens in all aspects of life, not just child-free vs. child bearing. People sometimes don't have the strength to voice how they feel or be who they truly are. They crave acceptance so much that they hid away their more honest feelings, and by doing that create a life their not happy with. Discord and jealousy are ugly, but that's why it's important to always follow your gut, and never cave to pressure. It's not worth it really.

Jennifer B. & Bostongal1 - I am in complete agreement. I am infuriated by people that, quite frankly, don't mind their own business! What a personal decision and who are YOU to tell ME what to do with my body? I know I sound fanatical but sometimes I just want to burst at the GALL of people (friends and family included, although my friends have manners and wouldn't think to say such a thing). I suppose it's also different to hear this awful comment as a woman, as we are just supposed to eventually be crazed baby-makers & if we don't have them by 35 we better get crackin'! How "immature" of you to not want them! UGGH I dread the question of "Do you have children?" because no matter how I say "no" to an acquaintance, it is extremely awkward if they do, because they were hoping to have a kid conversation and I ruined it for them. I just feel sorry for people that need to judge. I don't judge others, and don't give advice or opinions unless specifically asked - especially to people I barely know! (this comes from my mother being the judgement queen my entire life but acting nice to those she badmouthed to their face).

Madger your line "because they were hoping to have a kid conversation and I ruined it for them" made me laugh so hard I almost came off the chair!

I thought it was funny too but likely very true. Parents just love to talk about their kids. Probably because they have nothing else going on in their life.