BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Stress Management why can't people just be direct!

It makes me nuts and stressed out beyond words when people are not direct. Just tell me what you want and I will see what I can do.

Instead most people waste time tiptoeing on egg shells and I think that makes things so confusing and frustrating, and time consuming. Does anybody agree or do you happen to enjoy the whole beating around the bush approach?

Maybe I'm just too direct and expecting people to be the same is wrong?

Depends. I have one friend that is so direct that it is intimidating to most people, but I also know some people who do the tiptoeing around approach which can be annoying and time consuming. Like you said - just ask! Or better yet a happy medium?

I'm good with happy medium : )

Sometimes people feel that being direct is confrontational; it makes them uneasy. So much of what we do in the way of behavior is mediated by how we were raised.

My birth home was direct. My husband's was really indirect. In thirty-plus years of cohabiting, we have moved toward the center. He is more direct than he used to be. I am less direct, and a whole lot more tactful.

I think there is a huge difference between direct and and tactless. The first facilitates communication. Tactless shuts communication down.

I do expect people to give me succinct and direct instructions about what they want. Don't blather on, give me loose directions, and expect to get what you want. The most frustrating statement that I ever heard was, "I can't describe what we want, but we're not seeing it." PLEASE!

Connie--rambling directly to the point;-)

Exactly and I do get what you're saying about how you're raised. I was raised to do what I was told and not be assertive or question anything and that is what I did most of my life and pretty much have been treated like a door mat by friends, ex-husbands, boyfriends, co-workers, even strangers.

So at the request of two therapists now, I've had to move in the direction of being more assertive and I find it pretty liberating plus now I see how much trouble other people have with it too.

My boyfriend's mom recently informed us they plan to visit next spring so I asked her to please consider coming later in the fall. It was one of the hardest emails I've had to write but as it turns out that works better for everybody (especially my boyfriend) so I'm glad I asked her. I would not have done that 2 years ago.

Like my therapist said, say what's on your mind without being rude and if somebody doesn't like it they'll tell you or do nothing. I was hesitant to try this at first but it works and I'm happier now and just wish more people were like this. Now I'm rambling (as usual)

I am direct. I grew up direct. I find indirectness infuriating.

And yes, that trips me up in life.

Monica, I work with my students to be properly assertive. I let them know,"Don't be rude, but don't accept things that you don't agree with. Also, if you want something, just ask. The person who you are asking can say no, but they could also say yes."

Sometimes I have to tiptoe on eggshells with parents and administration. That's hard.

I am also direct and like it people are too. I like to think how I am though is similar to as connie says, in which I am assertive and firm but i try not to ever come across rude. I like if you have a disagreement with someone that you can just go to the person and talk about it openly straight away, I dont like ignoring problems.

I didn't take that as rambling Loved it, actually. My biggest pet-peave is political correctness, just spill it!

My approach preference is DI-rect-a! My husband oh my gosh where's that head banging on the wall thingy. 5 month later you might get what he wants from his relatives, job, life, etc. and I can't tell you how frustrated he is when he doesn't get what he wants.

I'm like how can you get what you want if you're always trying to please the people around you? If they don't have an idea of what you want on the table to begin with, most people are going to be A.O.K. with doing what makes them feel best.

"Maybe I'm just too direct and expecting people to be the same is wrong?" lol, not wrong, just unrealistic. There are different communication skills we learn as kids. Cops are great at 'reading between the lines' and it is a good skill to have, just as being able to be direct in other instances. There are also different cultural expectations to adapt to when communicating.