BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids my sister

My sister had a baby a few months ago. To say the least it's been all about baby...she doesn't talk about much else these days...Which is fine, she's happy being a new Mom. I ooh and ahh at every picture she sends. For my birthday, a milestone birthday mind you...I received a framed picture of my nephew as a gift. It was a very adorable picture...but how would the rest of you feel about that?? I wouldn't frame a picture of my pet and give it to her for her milestone bday...or should I??... :).

My sis in law is guilty of this gifting idea. I love having pics of my nephews and cherish them, however I came right out and asked why she would gift pictures of the children. She cited financial reasons to which I responded she may want to rethink expensive photo purchases at pricey studios and instead give another gift. She was offended but it was a valid point others in the family were scared to point out.

I don't think I would've been so thrilled, I might even have questioned why she gave it to me. I'd done exactly what Sunshineallie did, without question and actually probably the first time she did it. Admittedly I'm a pretty big tight wad with money, and gifts are usually hand crafted to save money. Their nothing special but their all carefully thought out for each individual and that gives it more meaning I feel. I think maybe you sister should have been more considerate that this was your milestone birthday and even if she was low on the green she could have gotten you something else.

I think that was really thoughtless of your sister to give you such a present - of course, send you one if she wants, but as a birthday present ? I would have been really [censored] off.

The trouble is, she'll be so wrapped up in her new child, that thoughts of others and what they might like, will be totally out of the window.
I've had some really rubbish presents from my sister, but each one had thought behind it, so I was pleased because as Jen says, if you haven't got much money ( which is probably true as well )
'It's the thought that counts .'

I don't know what sort of relationship you have with your sister, but I know I would find it hard to say something that might cause offence, if you guys have a good bond.

On the other hand, it's offensive for her to think you would be happy with a photo of her child.
I would maybe say to her ' Look, if you don't want to send birthday gifts any more, that's fine, I'll just buy for your childs birthday.'

Love, I have to admit I do think it was somewhat [censored]! My sister does send me the latest school photo of my nieces but she knows I want a copy. Still, it's never given as a birthday (or other) gift.

Unfortunately people can become a little selfish when they have children, even family. It is very possible that your sister will come to realise how she is behaving but it's possible she may not. It's a difficult situation, and one that you need to handle very carefully. How do you mention it to, say, your parents without putting it in a way that sounds negative?

Jennifer B has my idea about presents. When financially stretched I will spend weeks making very professional and unique products for family members (and ones that they really like and that their friends often start asking about commissions for, which I don't do needless to say ) Alternatively I will go all out to buy something that is very unique, that reflects the person, that I absolutely KNOW they will love and that there is no chance of anyone else buying them.

Sunshineallie is sure right about the cost of studio pictures! They're not cheap and if your sister is stretched financially then those are the last things she should be getting.

I really don't know that you can say anything directly to your sister without potentially alienating her (mothers, especially new mothers, are not remotely known for their use of logic, reason and rationale!) All I can suggest is that you really keep your distance. I'm sure you love your nephew but you are an aunt, not a parent or sibling, and there is absolutely no onus on you to see loads of your nephew. If you think about how often you see your own aunts and uncles (if you're anything like the 'norm') then aunts and uncles are actually fairly distant relations. Maybe if you busy yourself with other things and have endless excuses when they wish you to visit then she will finally realise that while her child is the be all and end all to her, he is (rightly) not the focus of everyone else's life.

Thank you so much all for your comments!! Hearing your opinions help. I do feel my sister is being selfish and very wrapped up her in her baby. When she gave me the picture I just said thank you and how cute he is. What can you say?...I don't want to cause problems. I don't care how much she spends on me...I would of been happy with even just a card...I was just hurt/upset on her choice of gift. I do love my nephew, but it's true he's not the focus of my life, he's the focus of hers. I guess it's how all new mothers are...they think their baby is the best and the cutest...of course we're all supposed to go gaga too. I guess she forgot I don't want kids...and I'm not baby crazy... I mean I told her this, but obviously she forgot...lol. Thanks again everyone!! :)

When I really have issues with people I start teaching them about the biology of love, you know, how the percentage of DNA you share determines how important you are to each other. It's weird that so many people find it offensive and yet it plays out in life every day. People seem to want to think of love as some mystical thing when it just isn't. You can enjoy loving while also knowing it's a biological imperative :-D

LOL, for my father's birthday, my sister gave him a calendar with a huge picture of her son so he can see him all year long. Adorable pic yes, but dad wasn't too impressed, and I just rolled my eyes. Then again, I understand...within a week of getting my kitten, I had emailed a few pics to friends and family. I was so proud and happy and wanted to share my bundle of joy! They probably rolled their eyes too!

Oooooh, I think I might have an answer for this problem, just came to me just now :-D

You know you can use your own photos and have them made into a lovely professional looking book (we did one for our parents 25th anniversary with photos from throughout their married life)?

Well, go on a really great, once in a lifetime type, holiday. Take lots of amazingly arty photos, but make sure you and your husband/partner are in lots of the photos. Then have one of these books made up and give it as a gift to your sister.

Random that is an awesome idea. I think the sister would get it after that and love wouldn't even have to say a word.