BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Comments at a bus stop.

Yesterday I rang my mum, and she told me about an incident the other day at a bus stop which incensed me. She had just missed a bus, and was sitting waiting when in walks her sister in law. She proceeded to tell my mum how her THREE grandchildren were wonderful, and the next door neighbour ( they all live in the same street ) has TWO now, you know. And, oh, with christmas coming, they'll all be together, and grandkids, grandkids, bla bla. I felt really sorry for my mum, as I forget, she too has similar problems with ignorant nasty women ( I won't tell you what we called my aunt ) trying to 'get one over' on you about the child issue. The trouble is, I felt doubly bad, because, obviously it is my ( and my sister's ) lack of children causing discomfort for my mum. Not that she says anything to us about kids, she's great in that respect.- although I do know she would have liked grandkids. It's funny, because I was just thinking it's been ages since I've had any adverse 'child' comments, and lo, two in one day. The other wasn't to me personally, but the comment was - 'What DO you DO in the evenings, without children to liven things up. ' OMG. I'm outraged. Twice. The problem is, what do you say back without getting into a 'my life is better that your's ' scenario which always smacks of defensive, and isn't true, it's just different. (ok, maybe ours IS better, but I would never say that...Tee hee ) The truth is, with my aunts grandkids - one stole regularly from them years ago, and the others Never come to the house now - they did rarely when they were teenagers, but only to see if they could get money. My mum never mentioned this, and just steamed in her seat til the bus came. we both discussed how nasty it was of her - she is quite a mean person - but it didn't make me feel any better. hurrumph, shoulders slouch. Why do they do it ??? Do they truely believe you're worse off, or is it just downright meanness. And what do you say, without seeming like you're jealous of their lifestyle ? I am sooo pleased I found this site.

I feel so bad for your mom. She is a great lady for dealing with your aunt so maturely. I have an uncle who is just like your aunt. He talks non-stop to my mother about his granddaughter. He treats my mom like she is less of a person because he has a grand kid. I honestly think that it is an insecurity thing. Maybe they both (your aunt and my uncle) feel worthless, so, they have to grasp at straws to try to make themselves feel better than their siblings. I think your aunt sees how happy your mom is and is jealous, so, she has to make your mom feel as bad as she feels. I could be off base with this, but, that is definitely what is going on with my mom. Much love to the both of you. :-)

I tend to think that if they are the ones voicing such pointless comments then THEY are the one that isn't happy with their life. Maybe they're not seeing as much of their grandkids as they would like, maybe the grandkids are causing problems between grandparent and parent (as often happens).

Either way your mum is a saint! Still when your mum is older, more frail and needs care undoubtedly you and your sister will be there to help her. As for your aunt, well apart from having useless kids, even if they were good they would also be tied up by commitments to their children.

I think they are downright mean, but I also think they cannot possibly be as happy as they claim because happy people don't feel the need to be nasty to others, they just don't.

My mum has 3 grandkids from my older sister, and my mum is still reasonably young and fit (well until a recent discovery of cancer). She absolutely loves my nieces but when she knows that she and my dad are going to be alone with them for more than a few hours she will ask if my twin or I are going to pop by and see them. And I know it's really because it is simply very tiring for people in their 60s +. It's not about how much you love the kids, it is just tiring, very tiring. I know my gran and grampa loved us to bits but looking back I cannot imagine how they let us stay over so often, it must have completely drained them. Grandparents loves their grandchildren but I think they are always secretly happy when they leave and the house is restored to some semblence of peace and quiet again.

LMFAO!!!!

Holy schnikes! If I were in your shoes I would make up crazy stories about having a pet pig or raising chickens or even having a wild sex life (hey maybe you don't have to make them up).

I would say something totally wild like yeah our life without kids was so boring that we installed a stripper pole and a sex trapeze in our living room and we use it pretty much every night. Sometimes we invite other people to watch us do the vertical tango (not a dirty link so watch it you'll like it).

These people seriously have no lives. They have no clue all the adventures you can have without kids around. For the record we don't have either of those things in our living room but we would if we didn't have kids!!!

I would say if they are so concerned about her social activities, why don't they invite her over to enjoy what they think is the be-all/end-all of human experience? What kind of sister-in-law would say "Christmas will be so fun for me this year with my grandkids and all." Knowing your Mom doesn't have that and then doesn't invite her over? A nasty one, that 's what.

If someone asked me that, I'd just say that an orgy is no place for kids. Heck, my Mom would say that.

Thanks guys ! I had a good laugh at some of your replies too. You're right Dolyn, she is a nasty person, and I can't believe my mum didn't say anything, as she has quite a sarcastic humour. the only reason not, I think, was my aunt had a stroke last year, and is still getting better. Plus, I still find it hard to think of something on the spot when someone attacks you like that, as the first thing I feel is that dull sensation in your stomach. What maybe makes it worse for mum, is her brother married my aunt when she already had her two children. ( she married him for his money, but that's another story... ) When he said he wanted children of his own she refused, so he treated her two girls as his own ( 3 and 6 yrs at the time ) I think you're all right though, she's just a mean person, and the only thing she can make my mum feel bad a bout is not having grandkids. As for the pole dancing in the house - I love it, and am definately going to use that line !

"What DO you DO in the evenings, without children to liven things up." is one phrase I've not gotten yet. I feel bad for your mother, and I understand how it feels to have your mother bashed at someone's expense. My mother gets a lot of gloating from my aunt, who is a grandmother now, and I know it makes her feel bad. So I can sympathize with your situation, though my mother is equally understanding and she's kind enough not to make it a huge issue for that I'm more than grateful.

Who are these people? My mum was the last of her siblings and siblings in law to get grandchildren (and they're adopted). But even when it looked like there wouldn't be any grandchildren (my brother-in-law is infertile) there was no criticism or nasty comments, why would there be? We don't live to have grandchildren and my mum has an incredibly full life. When my mum had to have surgery for cancer recently we were inundated with people offering to be live-in carers (many of them retired nurses) and her and my dad for a month had someone turn up every night and deliver a hot meal (so my dad could spend time with my mum rather than coming home from work and cooking). It is a reflection of how much my mother gives her life to helping other yes, but with this many kind, caring people in your life who on earth is going to turn around and [censored] at you about not having grandkids?

People need punching!

"What DO you DO in the evenings, without children to liven things up." Have a sex life with a loving partner?

The woman may not have meant to insult your mother. Perhaps she was one of those women who were so busy being mom that they were nothing else. And now that here kids are grown there is nothing left for her but to be grandma. She may have nothing else interesting to talk about because she lost who she is when she had kids. Of course she could just be trying to make herself feel superior. It's hard to say without having been there.