BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Where are MY rights?

I was having dinner with my husband last night at one of our favorite restaurants. We were seated next to a table of 2 woman and an infant. The infant was being quiet, so everything was cool until mama decides to breastfeed at the table. You all know how I feel about breastfeeding in public. I was, to say the least, disgusted. So much so that we got our meals boxed up to eat at home. It reminded me of something that happened in my hometown. A woman went into an American Eagle and plopped down on a couch in the middle of the store. She began breastfeeding right there. A few customers complained, so the manager told her he would let her into a dressing room to breastfeed in private. She said "no" and continued to breastfeed right there in the middle of the store. The manager asked her to leave. This woman complained to American Eagle headquarters and got the manager fired because apparently, its against the law to prevent Fertile Fanny from popping her boob out and breastfeeding wherever she pleases. My point is, if she can legally breastfeed anywhere she wants, where are my legal rights to not have to see it? This isn't a "is breastfeeding in public ok?" question its a "where is my right to enjoy my meal without the next table over doing something that offends me?" question.It just seems to me that once you reproduce, you get a free pass to be as indecent and rude as you want to be. Not that all parents take advantage, but those that do, do to excess. Does anyone else feel their rights are being cast aside to accommodate parents?

I'm so with you SwearBear. Thing is when people do it properly it is so discreet you wouldn't even notice so there would be no reason to complain. I think there's a bigger issue with your story though. Frankly restaurants are NOT a place for infants, they're just not, and once upon a time parents would not have been selfish enough to drag their poor child (who probably would rather be comfy in bed) out to a restaurant. Basically the time of night that a grown up couple go out for a meal together kids should be in bed and that's all there is to it. But no-one bothers about their child's right to sleep anymore, it's pathetic. And yet they all think they're good parents! My nieces weren't taken to restaurants until they were old enough to sit and behave, and even now their parents take them early enough that they get to bed at a proper hour for their age. Too many parents just thinking about themselves nowadays, no real concern for their child.

The question you pose remindes me of the smokers rights vs. right to clean air debate. I don't know that not seeing breast feeding is a RIGHT. And should the mother have to hide herself away as if she is doing something shameful? Back in ancient times it was not so convenient to carry bottles around, they likely didn't even exist, so women had to breast feed in public if the baby was hungry. The only alternative would be to hide away in their home until the child was weaned.

I am trying to understand first how you find this to be OFFENSIVE. Finding it gross I can understand, but offensive? And second I cannot see how it would be considered a right to not see breast feeding. I do how ever think that the mother should cover herself so that her breast is not exposed for everyone to see. That is of course and ethnocentric opinion because in the U.S. we are socialized to believe that breasts should be covered. In some cultures (such as some African cultures) exposed breasts are just a normal part of life and no one think anything of it.

I would argue that in a restaurant it is most definitely a right to not have to see breastfeeding. It is a restaurant, a place for couth and decorum, and (to be honest) a place for adults. My partner's sister said to me once "so what, should women with babies never go out?" Well last time I checked children have routines and it is your duty as a parent to fit YOUR life around the child's routine, NOT the other way around as most parents do these days. Breastfeeding in a restaurant is a classic example of a parent putting their want ahead of their child's needs. It's just bad parenting. Women did used to go out in the morning, back for early afternoon (kids' naptime) and then out again, what is so wrong nowadays that they cannot do this? Why is having children suddenly so unfulfilling yet they still insist on doing it? My partner's poor niece gets dragged out virtually every day to 'lunch' and she's always the only child there so she sits bored (usually playing up but not getting given into trouble) just so her mum can enjoy 'lunching' with her friends. How selfish is that? At least 'lunch' at your own house so your child has toys available.

To be blunt, I find nipples offensive in a restaurant setting...if she needed to bring her baby to the meal, she could have gone into the (very nice, comfortable) nursing room this particular restaurant has.

And, for paying $50 to eat my meal, I have a right not to see this...I shouldn't have to eat cold curried noodles because there is a caveat to the "no naked breasts in a public place" law. Yes, there is a lot of open breastfeeding in Africa, but, they do not have the same "cover up" laws we have in the states. And there is a big difference between hiding away a shameful behavior and being respectful to the other patrons who ARE TRYING TO EAT.

$50 does not give you RIGHTS. It seems to me there is confusion about rights versus self-entitlements. Rights that people should have include the right to access to nutritous food, the right to life (as in not being murdered) and the right to shelter from the elements. These are essentials to survival and should be rights. Things such as parking close to an entrance, exhaling toxic chemicals into a crowd of people and not seeing an infant exercise its right to nutritous food while you are eating your $50 meal are all self-entitlements.

I am curious if you would still think it is your "right" to not see it if you were eating a $1 burrito at Taco Bell. Or do "rights" change according to how much money you have/spend?

I am not trying to be rude, I myself hate going to a restaurant when kids are there. The are usually loud and disruptive and the parents don't attempt to teach them manners. I just think you have a of a selfish view about what "rights" should be. Your idea of rights sounds a bit like the self-entitled, elitist American views that are distorying the U.S.

and popping your titty out while people are trying to eat just because you can't walk 6 feet is not self entitled? I only referred to it as a right because that was how breastfeeding in the middle of a crowded store was described in the story I mentioned. I payed for my meal, I am ENTITLED to eat it...the same with my $1 taco bell burrito. If the law states "don't take your shirt off in a public place" as it does in this wonderful country, THEN DON'T TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF IN PUBLIC EVEN TO FEED YOUR BABY. I'm not saying not to breastfeed...hell, feed the little dickens until he barfs...just respect my desire to not see your gnawed on nipple while I'm eating my meal. If expecting decency from a fellow human being in a public setting makes me a self-entitled America destroyer, so be it...I'd rather live in a society without special exceptions to the rules.

May I interject a question/observation? I'll do it anyway...

Why not reposition yourself at the table or request another displaced table? That would easily rectify the visual field & you wouldn't have to observe this act.

Now dealing with smell of smoke (in those establishments that still have such areas) or the din of obnoxious & boisterous diners isn't quite as easy since those are onmidirectional annoyances (not a direct line of sight). A fan or earplugs might help reduce the situation. Unless you have eyes in the back of your head, I suggest think outside the box & be less stubborn.

This is one of the reasons I just don't bother going out much. There's no sense paying so much just to have a lousy time. I'm not sure who has a right to anything anymore but for the purpose of social graces alone, something nobody seems to care about these days, couldn't suckling mother simply extract some of that milk into a bottle to take with her to the restaurant? I'm not up on what's ok and not ok in the breastfeeding world but it seems like an acceptable compromise to me.

Funny, cause from what I see it's parents who confuse "rights" with "wants" and often on a daily basis. It's their "right" to lunch with their mates. Nope, it's their "want" to lunch with their mates, it's their child's right to be having an afternoon nap in bed at home. It's their "right" to see their friends of an evening. Nope, it's their "want" tos ee their friends of an evening but it's their child's right to be in bed at home. Are these parents so thick they cannot plan their lives around their baby's schedule? You know, it's quite simple really, feed your child at the usual time and then arrange your meal so it's after your child's feed. It's really not rocket science. If you are already sat down in a restaurant you shouldn't have to move, and YOU are the paying customer not the child. And, I'll say it again, since some women CAN breastfeed so discreetly no-one notices then how stupid are the others that they can't? You only breastfeed a child for a short while, are these women really saying they don't love their child enough to 'put themselves out' for such a small period of their life?