BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids He wants kids: What to expect if you stay

#13 - You'll never know for sure that he's made up his mind.

Just when I thought that my husband and I had finally reached a harmony again after I told him last year that I didn't want to have kids, I was hit with a rock. About a week ago, he hinted that we should have a kid, I said "you know what? yes, why not, why don't we have a baby?" (just to test his reaction). To my surprise, he said "really?" and stared at me to see if I was serious or not. (I told him that I will never change my mind and the more time passes the more I'm 3000% sure I don't want kids).

Thing is, although he has never SAID that he doesn't want kids, he has said he's not crazy about becoming a dad and is not interested in kids (for the time being). My sister will have a baby in a few months and I'll see then how he reacts to the whole situation.

But yeah, because men can have babies well into their 70's, you'll never know for SURE that they made up their mind. Even vasectomy is reversible. It's upsetting.

That's right...you will never know for sure if your man can accept not having kids if he did want them at one time during your relationship. My ex-husband (39 yrs old) changed his mind a few times during our marriage, and if we had stayed together I am sure there would have been more instances to where the subject was brought up and hashed over.

An update.....the minute I moved out of my house the first of July, a house which he now has, his 46 yr old girlfriend whom he has been "friends" with for the past 6 years, was moved right in. She has three kids of her own.....13, 18, and 23. The two younger ones are living at home.....of course now with my ex-husband.

I spoke with him recently and he said that it is challenging to raise teenagers (no kidding!!!) but that it is fulfilling at the end of the day (ok....keep deluding yourself). I asked him if he still intended on having a baby, and he answered, "It's on the list."

It's on the LIST???

Again, this fully substantiates all of my earlier posts this year where I said that he wanted to have babies for all the wrong reasons. And I hate to tell him......but his girlfriend's 46 year old biological clock is ticking....

At 46 years old she still has a biological clock? Excuse me but I think that 46 is just a bit too old to have a baby.

I don't get it, she's older than you yet he thinks that he'll have a kid with her?? Unless he's happy raising the teenagers.

Believe me, this blows my mind too. I am 43, and my ex hooks up with someone older than me, when he supposedly wants at least one baby? As for him being content to just help with raising her teenagers, I gave him the option of adopting or fostering an older child, one at least past the toddler stage, and he outright refused me because he wanted babies from his own body.

Well, it is still possible to have a baby at 46, 47, or older even, but why would you "want" to? His girlfriend is pretty much almost done raising her family. And the medical risks alone to mother and baby.....utter nonsense at this age.

Now then.....remember the friends of my ex who had the twins a year ago? The husband was 46 and the wife was 48 at the time of the twins' birth. This couple blew $50K and eight years of trying on their own plus invitro to get these babies. She already had 4 pretty much grown kids of her own from a previous marriage, and he had none (and never wanted any for many years) but he was going through a mid-life crisis. Sounds like my ex-husband wants to replicate the lifestyle of this couple.

And I have said this before too.....with so many movie stars having kids in their late 40's these days, it pretty much has become a trend to have kids later in life. I still think it is downright selfish. Are these people as they age really going to be there for their kids down the road?

If I get flamed for this, so be it...

Can you picture this ???? The Mom's having a kid in their late 40's being 'mother of the high school graduate' at age, well, say 58 y.o.
Meanwhile the average age of the other mom's would be about 40. YIKES! Out of place, I'd say.
Utterly rediculous !

cp

OOPS ! Can't add, I guess. (rolls eyes). Momm would be in late 60's..Double YIKES !!!

I agree that it is ridiculous. But I did the math and we are actually looking at a mother being in her mid 60's at high school graduation if she has a kid in her late 40's. Not my cup of tea......

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I remember my friend at college years ago was an only child. she was a lovely girl, and quite old fashioned, and when I found out her parents had her in their forties (25 years ago, it was even less heard of for people to have kids late in life ) I understood why she was. Anyway she always spoke of her parents in a detrimental way - not badly, she loved them,- but she seemed really irritated the fact her parents were 20 years older than all her friends parents, and that they depended on her to the point of stifling her.

VirgoGirl, Wow. So well put. I have those thoughts and feelings and my husband hasn't told me he wants kids, but I'm afraid he will. Preemptive guilt. I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry that you're going through this. I hope things are better now. Cassie67, you sound like a very strong, intelligent and compassionate women (you too VirgoGirl).

before getting married,I would tell my husband-to be,several times,probably on a daily basis,that I don't want to have kids.I don't want to get pregnant.if he asks,I will whip up my list of 1,000+ reasons of why I don't want to have kids.if he insists,then I'll break up with him.