BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence It's been away.....

Hello all... I haven't been on here for a while but a lot has been goin on so I'm here with a little update. As most of you know I am currently in an abusive relationship and although I've made plans to move away I'm still living with him while I get the money saved up. All was goin well. I had found a second job and I was working so much that there was really no time or oppourtunity to argue. We turned into more like roomates then anything else... One day he came to my job with his uncle (at a local supermarket) and they bought some things for the house.... During the whole transaction we didn't utter 2 words to each other... When I was done he took his recipt and they walked away. About 5 mins later he comes back and says "the next time I see you smiling in a dudes face we are going to have a big problem...." confusion took a back seat to embarrasment as the customer heard what he said and what he proceeded to say. " Dont fuckin play with me I will make you leave work and never come back. You know I will [censored] you up..." and he walked away.... The customer was like do you want me to call the cops on him and I told her no. ( I dont want to deal with him once I got home)... I was so bothered by what he said because I wasnt smiling at anyone and if I was so what??!? I told his uncle what he came back to tell me and his uncle was like yeah he told me he thinks ya cheating on him and that he says hes gonna catch you doing something. Once I got home we agued and that lasted for a few minutes and ended suprising calm...Everything seemingly went back to normal until 3 days ago.... He took my phone and when I asked for it back he told me to wait...We tussled a bit and he ended up hitting me so hard my glasses popped out the frames, my tooth is chipped and my face and lip r swollen.... When he saw what he did the I'm sorries began. I'm so tired of hearing it.. I'm so tired of everything. I'm so tempted to call the cops on him for what happened days ago but I'm not sure what to expect when he gets out of jail.... My mind is spinnin and I'm seriously trying to fight off bouts of depression... I'm running out of ways to stay out of his way..... And to make matters worst I got suspended from my job and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose it. So I will be in the house with him more...

Butterfly10: This latest update simple confirms what we already know. People like him dont need any reason to be abusive (well actually there is no REASON that can justify abuse but i am talking about is their perspective). They can set you up, so that they can justify their behaviour to themselves. I dont know what to say but are you sure you dont want to report him? Okay, if you are afraid or if it clashes with your escape plan, then dont do it for the time being. BUT take your pictures, go to a doctor, show them to some friend or colleague, so that you can have proof of what he did - you may need it later on. You never know, one day you may want to report him. I also didnt go to police while i was still with my EX but i did that afterwards and the pictures and medical records is evidence against him. And try not to lose your job. I almost lost mine and i know once you move out, you will need lots of money. because you have to buy everything single thing again, no matter how small it is. I dont know what to say to you about this incident. My heart breaks when i hear that somebody was abused and i know how painful it must be for you. Why do they not drop dead? i keep asking myself this question? i know it sounds silly and maybe a bit odd - but i really pray all abusers drop dead one day !!! I feel so angry at ur guy....

When I hear about what recently happened to you, the fear that I felt when my husband was around comes right back to me. It took all the strength I have to go to the police that day, but I will never regret doing it. What he is doing to you is illegal and wrong!!! You can't go through your life scared to death every single day! I know there are a million circumstances which could cause you to not go and get help, but I worry what may happen to you next time. Stay strong and remember we are all here if you need to talk. I am thinking of you today! :)

Never mind saving up money - get yourself to a safe house...NOW

Please don't wait to save up money. Leave now. I tried that for four years. Trying to make it so that my leaving was more convenient and painless. All you are doing is letting him hurt you more and more and helping him to cause you more pain. Do it! Do it NOW! Call the police, make a report and leave while he's sitting waiting on someone to bail him out. Buy a gun and go to a shooting range and fire until you know you can pull the trigger if you have to. The report will allow you a restraining order. If he violates it, you can defend yourself. Please don't wait.